Go for assessment, postpone or cancel?

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For several months I have been waiting for an assessment. Now it's getting close, and as can be expected, I am getting anxious about it.

I am trying to look at it rationally, though, and there's a couple of glaring problems. I recently started a new job, after a long period of unemployment. It's important for me to stay employed. Many things about the job are extremely aspie-friendly - I am not at all sure I would find a job like this anywhere else. I'm struggling with exhaustion and pain, but I hope it will get better.

My assessment takes two days, with one day off in between. So I would be working on that day. My doctor told me to expect that it would be exhausting. I have a hard time asking to have time off for this, but what makes it worse is that one of my colleagues will be on holiday during that week, and I'm supposed to cover for him. So far, although this is supposed to become a permanent job after a while, my contract only lasts until the end of March. I'm loath to ask for time off, particularly as I had to ask to work shorter hours recently dure to childcare problems.

Should I postpone my assessment, or drop it completely, or just go through with it?

Pros of having a diagnosis:
- certainety
- the possibility that a diagnosis will connect me with services, or at least a therapist who knows anything at all about autism
- a basis for asking for accomodations, if I disclose

Cons of having a diagnosis
- I might not be able to have a driver's license, due to rules being tightened recently. I need to drive, or working will become very difficult.
- I'm a mother, and I fear that authorities will try to meddle with my parenting. This is a strong reason to postpone diagnosis for some years.
- I cannot see myself disclosing in this job. It's not the kind of place where it would be safe.

If I postpone, it'll be another six months to wait.

Does anyone have any good advice? I'm too exhausted to think clearly, I know that.

Perhaps postponing for 6 months would work, if you're waiting until March for the job to finish. Although you say you're exhausted and in pain, is this aspie-related, job-related or something else? Also, do you drive already and have a licence? Perhaps having a good record with driving will deter taking a licence away?

You wouldn't be able to get a drivers' license because of Asperger's?

I find that to be absurd, frankly.

Otherwise, I'd go for the assessment, if you can afford it.

I would say disclosing to your job would be unwise, in most cases.

I would say that if you're not "on benefits," the government wouldn't interfere with your parenting.

The job won't finish, hopefully. The way it works is, they keep you on short contracts to have a good look at you, so they can fire you anytime if you are not living up to their standards. Then if you do well, they'll give you a permanent job, where you have a lot more rights as an employee than you would have in for ex. the US.

The pain is mainly muscular, it's stress and exhaustion related - when too worn out, my fuel is tension. This exacerbates an old back injury that I'm trying to keep quiet about, so they won't get rid of me. I might be developing the beginnings of arthritis, but I seem to be able to keep it in check - if only I could kick my coffee habit. I'm drinking way too much coffeee.

I don't have a driving license, but I'm planning to start now that I have a salary; we already have a car. I'm a bit worried about my eyesight, but now that I have money I can afford to go to the optometrist.

Postponing is really about waiting until I either have a safe job or am unemployed again, at which point it won't matter.

Talk to work, tell them the situation. You don't have to say you're going to the doc for autism diagnosis. Tell them you have two important appointments for tests and the dates. Explain you have waited a long time, and how long you would have to wait if you postponed. Tell them your job is important to you so you want to discuss the options. Then allow them to respond.

I too have kids and this worries me greatly. Good luck to you. Keep your sh*t together and never appear like a crazy person in front of them. You must protect yourself. I generally feel like the chances are low that they would take my kids, but it's definitely on my radar.

Recently, the driving license rules were made more strict. I read in the newspaper about a professional lorry driver who lost his license, and therefore his job, because he was diagnosed with adhd as a child. He basically went to his doctor and said he didn't really have adhd, he was just acting out as a child because his father was beating him, and he got his license back but not the job. Whether this was true or not is beside the point; I won't be able to use an excuse like that because I'm an adult.

I've seen young people with an atuism diagnosis asking "web doctors" about whether they'd be prevented from driving or not, and basically the doctors are telling them it depends on their cognitive abilities, but most likely it'll be ok. The doctors are being very vague about it. Not promising.

I don't think disclosing at work would be a good idea either. There are some people I'm sure would be ok, but there are some people who are young and immature and into macho culture who would not be able to understand. Particularly as I work in a place with a lot of young people, they look to me for direction. I am totally unable to give this, but I try to stay in my office a lot.

You'd be surprised at how much the government involves itself in parenting in my country. There is this young couple who ran away from social services, and are now hiding in another European country, because their children were supposed to be taken into foster care. The basis for this is that the mother was diagnosed with what seems to be PDD-NOS as a teenager, and had some extreme behaviour at that age. Also, they are saying that the parents are not paying sufficient attention to their children. From what I understand, this is very random, and depends a lot on the personal opinons of people working in social services in a particular area.

Also, because a lot of the jobs in my area require security clearance, I worry that a diagnosis might prevent me from getting jobs in the future. That said, i probably have too many posts on WP to hide my Aspie leanings

You know, I spent a year lurking on WP before deciding to post. My gut instinct is to hide. But I decided that I needed help, and I needed understanding. I think learning about autism helped me a lot with my parenting. Because I've learned to limit stress, I've become a lot more patient.

I can afford an assessment; money is not an issue, only the waiting is. It's all governement run anyway.

Sorry about the long answer; I don't really know how to write short posts; and my heart is too full.

It's quite all right. Your post was quite pertinent. Don't worry about the length of your post. What matters is that you make sense, and that you want to communicate.

It's not the length of the post that matters....it's the pertinence of the post.

I think it's an extreme travesty for a person to be denied something because of what occurred in childhood. I thought the Swedish government was smarter than that.

Maybe you shouldn't go for the assessment, after all--if you believe there is a risk in losing your drivers' license.

How much "accommodations" would you receive on your job, anyway, should you obtain the diagnosis?

I've already thought of just pretending it's something female....people tend to back off when it's embarrassing But I was in a meeting today, and basically my boss said that it's going to get extremely stressful when our colleague goes on holiday, and that she doesn't know how we'll get through the work. I have been working on another project that only I am familiar with, so I haven't had time to learn that part of the business.

I seem to be doing alright. Today they told me that the customers are happy with me, so I'm pleased about that. It means I'm much more likely to be hired for a permanent job, and also that people won't try to micromanage me. I try to show up even when I'm knackered, and to always be on time. I'm pretty slow at the job, but I hope to get faster at it. I think I know how to deal with management as well. They are just super busy, so what I have to do is to always know my business and to give short bursts of information.

The really fortunate thing is that most of my communcation happens through email, and most of my face-to-face communication is with people who are mature and flexible. So there is less social pressure than in a lot of other jobs. We eat at our desks, so there is no pressure to chat. Managing to stay calm, and pretty cheerful. It's when I get home, exhausted, that I start thinking.....

Thank you, Kraftie. Knowing that you guys are out there and taking time to help me with these questions means an the world to me.

After the meeting today I feel fairly certain that I will postpone. I can't risk jeopardising my job. As it is, they see me as someone reliable, and I want it to stay that way. I know that although I do the job well, I do it slowly, so I need to put in the work. If I get a permanent position, it will help both me and my family enormously. And the job really is unusually Aspie-friendly.

Learning about autism was the thing that made it possible for me to go to a job interview, make sense of my strengths and weaknesses, and describe the kind of job that would work for me. In the past I could not make sense of how I could be a star in one workplace, and the whipping boy in another. I had no self-insight, partly because I've spent my life being told that I can't possibly feel what I'm feeling.

I plan to do what I should have done ages ago; contact the local autism organisation and ask an autistic person - they have a helpline where you can talk to someone who is autistic. I just have this morbid fear of breaking cover - it makes it more real, somehow - in fact there are a hundred things I am afraid of. But I can do all the internet research I want, but I won't know how these things work in practice until I actually talk to a local autistic with a good network. The only person I know IRL who I know is diagnosed, is a guy who takes black-and-white thinking to a whole new level. I'm a bit afraid of him.

I don't really need accomodations in the job I am doing now - it's already unusually Aspie-friendly. I would have preferred to do it part time, so I wouldn't be so tired, but it's not the kind of job that can be done part time. They need one person who is always there and has all the information in her head, like a spider in the web.

The reason I would like a diagnosis is to get a solid answer - I am not certain self-diagnosis is enough for me. Also, I will get older - I am already having trouble with my memory - I may get ill, change jobs, etc. Who knows what the future brings. I would really like some social skills training that is not about telling me that I am imagining that people find me weird and hard to communicate with. The therapist I was seeing did not understand what my challenges were. I need to be able to navigate the world of Other Kids' Parents, which is my biggest struggle so far.

Nighty night. Am off to get my beauty sleep. Have to play Ice Queen for the boys at work tomorrow

I understand you want some of "confirmation"--but I don't believe it's worth it to risk much to obtain a diagnosis.

The cons outweigh the pros in this instance.

Have fun being the "Ice Queen!"

Thank you, Kraftie, and sorry for the late reply. Am struggling with health problems and exhaustion. EF is going downhill like a mudslide.

I just need to talk to someone who knows about these things. I've postponed the testing because of work. Next opportunity will be on the other side of summer, which gives me time to think.

Because I had no idea how to start the diagnostic process, I originally called the local autism society to ask for pointers. It was actually a marvelous experience. The lady I talked to explained everything in a way that made sense, she was really patient with me, and she didn't get mad at me for not understanding or worrying about something. That was amazing. I've never experienced talking to someone who was so patient with me before, and who seemed to empathize. Perhaps there are people out there who could actually help.

I need to stop thinking in absolutes. Perhaps things are not so rigid as I think they are. Right now I am struggling. Am hoping it will get better, but I really think a part time job would be better for me. Also, some s**thead at work was trying to scare me today. There are some really bad eggs at work - not to mention the fact that they steal like ravens. I'm a bit horrified.

And the Ice Queen thing is horrible. I don't like acting like that. I am a goofball at heart, but it makes people think I'm flirting. At least flat affect has its uses!