I told some I have Aspergers and they don't believe me

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HenryGramer
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20 Mar 2017, 1:53 am

I have not told my family about my having Aspergers because in general they know everything in my life last (just because I have a hard time talking to them as a whole). I have told a select amount of "friends"/music buddies about my condition and one has been understanding and most have told me "you don't have that" and "you are short-selling yourself mentioning Aspergers".

Is this normal? When people tell me those things, I don't know what else to tell people. I can't afford to lose friends like I have in the past and if friends don't understand, family might not understand. I have a hard time talking to family about this Aspergers BS because they're already giving me a hard time even with ADHD.


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I'm finally coming to terms with the Aspergers identity but am now needing help with how to navigate it.

ND score: 131/200
NT score: 58/200

Says I'm Aspie...

Please don't type of paragraphs in response to my questions or replies because that will overwhelm my mind and make me not want to read your responses.


Kiprobalhato
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20 Mar 2017, 2:17 am

in general, i think some parents are just very averse to the idea that their children might have a "disorder" or something. especially if they don't have it (or any other "disorder") themselves, it may be a hard truth for them to swallow. i can understand if they feel like they went wrong, somewhere.

but with your friends...did they know about aspergers before you told them about your case? sounds like they are familiar with it only through some different or differently functioning cases, and they don't see that in you.

my parents denied my AS for the better part of a decade after i was diagnosed. now i'm starting to doubt it too.


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solo
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20 Mar 2017, 2:23 am

My mom gets angry when I mention it and says if I think so that I need to get it acknowledged by a doctor so I can be fixed. I won't do that, I don't want any medication and definitely nothing in writing about it. I never mention it to my dad. I think everyone in my family is goofy in some way :) When I mention it and they get mad I piss them off more by saying " I'm merely a product of my environment" lol

Friends don't know it because I see someone I know maybe once a year, work way too much, live like a hermit, and really have no friends.



This_Amoeba
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21 Mar 2017, 1:52 pm

My mom doesn't accept that I have it even though I've been diagnosed. She said that there is no such thing as assburgers and that I'm just a "weird as*hole who hates people." She also said I just need an a55 whooping. She doesn't "believe" in ASD, and thinks children with it are brats who need a beating.

My dad (who is divorced from my mom) is accepting of my diagnosis and said it explains a lot about my behavior and difficulties. He didn't even seem surprised, it was as if hes known all along. Although he doesn't like me talking about it or mentioning it. He gets agitated if I talk about it, especially if I try to talk about it to other family members. Its almost as if he is ashamed of my condition and wants to ignore it, he even told me "everyone's a little autistic."



RnzWithSizzors33
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24 Mar 2017, 9:26 am

I have the same struggle. I appear "normal" most of the time, so people don't tend to believe me either. However, I still try to be very open about it, so that way, if I do something out of the ordinary, they will hopefully say, "Oh. I get it," instead of getting irritated about it. :)



Kiprobalhato
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25 Mar 2017, 1:51 am

This_Amoeba wrote:
My mom doesn't accept that I have it even though I've been diagnosed. She said that there is no such thing as assburgers and that I'm just a "weird as*hole who hates people." She also said I just need an a55 whooping. She doesn't "believe" in ASD, and thinks children with it are brats who need a beating.


that's old skool parenting for ya. :D lots of them hold onto those methods today, and i wonder if it'll ever see a resurgence in the future..or die out entirely, continuing on the current trend.

why the huge bap in ideology between your parents?

my parents gave me a55 whoopings when i as a lil' child, and it didn't screw me up...hm.


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nick007
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26 Mar 2017, 10:06 pm

My mom suspected me of being on the spectrum sense I was a toddler but where I come from even the so-called experts think of Aspergers as a less sever form of mental retardation. I was told by experts that I communicate too well verbally & seemed too intelligent to have anything on the spectrum. I was told I had Aspergers but it was due to Schizoid Personality Disorder & not anything on the autism spectrum. I'd imagine it's pretty easy for nonexperts to have a very extreme view of Aspergers so maybe that's what's going on with your friends. They may think it's something like Rainman & they don't think you have Aspergers/autism sense your not that extreme.


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JohnnyLurg
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27 Mar 2017, 5:21 pm

I dated a girl who not only told me she doesn't think I have Asperger's, but that she "doesn't believe in the spectrum."



This_Amoeba
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27 Mar 2017, 7:31 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
This_Amoeba wrote:
My mom doesn't accept that I have it even though I've been diagnosed. She said that there is no such thing as assburgers and that I'm just a "weird as*hole who hates people." She also said I just need an a55 whooping. She doesn't "believe" in ASD, and thinks children with it are brats who need a beating.


that's old skool parenting for ya. :D lots of them hold onto those methods today, and i wonder if it'll ever see a resurgence in the future..or die out entirely, continuing on the current trend.

why the huge bap in ideology between your parents?

my parents gave me a55 whoopings when i as a lil' child, and it didn't screw me up...hm.


My mom has always been an abrasive a55hole, thats why my dad divorced her. They divorced when I was 8. My dad spanked, but my mom did actual beatings, like punching me in the head and stuff.



Scorpius14
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07 Apr 2017, 9:52 pm

Before a certain military-trained guy came to live with us, my mom was calm, polite and had decency, but I had doubts in my mind about her rationale behind sending me to a audio-visual impairment centre when I was about 3 years old because I was lagging behind my year younger brother in speech and bedside manner. I didn't find this necessary in retrospect as people are different in their own ways as she shouldn't have treated us like twins especially being born a year apart. Also in retrospect, she did not seem to know what learning disorders were and i have a hunch that she told a work friend (as she worked as a scientist back then) about my difficulties and was fed the wrong information, which therefore led her the decision to refer me to a specialist facility. If I were treated like my brother, I would have gotten the same chances at life e.g. friends, clubs, school trips abroad, holidays, help with jobs etc, instead I was treated in a lowly manner, told to stay at home whilst they went out having fun.



komamanga
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08 Apr 2017, 6:15 am

I mentioned my mom a few years ago that I felt like I might be on the spectrum. She was shocked and couldn't even reply and looked offended. Then I got diagnosed with the help of my sister who told me 'You can't easily fool a professional so you must probably have AS.' It was feeling like I'm being insulted but I try not to think about it. I still can't tell it to my parents because:
1. My mother will take it super personal and will be deeply sad though I'm sure she'll accept it after sometime.
2. My father will get angry with me for no reason. (Short temper issues) And I don't think he will ever accept such a thing. He will continue saying that I'm just lazy. He has OCD (with hoarding) and AD(H)D so we have many things in common however he is very defensive when it comes to his own shortcomings. He'd prefer to call himself lazy rather than somebody with disorders. So he has the same attitude towards me too.
3. They actually have no clue about what it means to be in the mild end of spectrum.

Some real acceptance would be great but it seems like it's not gonna happen soon.