Do any of prefer one parent over the other?

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neptunekh
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20 Mar 2017, 8:35 pm

My mother understand my autism better and at 33 years old I feel she is the closer parent to me.



Belushi87
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20 Mar 2017, 9:33 pm

sometimes i prefer my mom, but there have been times where its hard to tell her things because i know how she would react and she claims that the sooner i tell her something the better reaction i'll get from her.


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Exuvian
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20 Mar 2017, 9:38 pm

Same in my situation too. From teenage years on, step dad made me nervous/annoyed with frequent teasing. I don't know if he was even able to stop, so naturally I found avoidance beneficial to us both.



EzraS
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20 Mar 2017, 9:58 pm

Definitely my dad. He has always acted like I was the best son he could have ever wanted and likes to take me places. And he is a real character, very fun loving and slightly mischievous.

With my mom it seems more like I am what she got stuck with. She's a good mom, but kind of more like a nurse.


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Scorpius14
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20 Mar 2017, 10:08 pm

Mother most of the time, now it feels like they are all against me, she has been brainwashed by the step-dad who throughout the time I lived with them has been very critical of my behaviour and likened it to a 4 yr old kid and has caused me emotional trauma which he today assumes has vanished but has not - i reckon he had a rough childhood himself so he'd thought he pass it on to me. Now his controlling attitude has reached mother, to a point i don't recognise her anymore and she no longer supports my way of thinking. Father on other hand i rarely see, maybe once a year, so only logical that he doesn't support me financially or any other way really - he is sickened at the thought of giving me money, so far from being the best dad even with health issues that he faces.

So i don't really have anyone to have a preference over, hard to make a choice with these traits they have:

Mother - not accepting, makes too many assumptions, expects too much
Father - absence from life, spoils his other children, gets on with my siblings more
Step-dad - anger management issues, controlling behaviour, trust issues, disrespect

But i do have grandparents who support me with accommodation etc so they are probably the only ones I can count on even if they don't understand my condition.



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20 Mar 2017, 11:25 pm

My father is slightly less abusive. I still dislike them both.


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21 Mar 2017, 1:21 am

I don't prefer one over the other, but it's easier with my mom, not as awkward. She helps me understand my dad better, though, too. For example, she explained that my dad was never ashamed of me, but has just always been intimidated by me. He's been making more of an effort lately than I have, which is more credit to him.



Stardust Parade
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21 Mar 2017, 3:06 am

My mother. She understands my autism better. My dad thinks there's nothing wrong with me/is in denial lol. He's a type A personality person.



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21 Mar 2017, 9:43 am

My parents were as bad as each other. They thought for years I had brain damage with lack of awareness and severe mental retardation as it was called in the 1960s. My father now dead (thank God) was a child beater who was a bit free and easy with the belt and my mum was emotionally abusive since it was found I had an IQ that was in the allistic range. They saw that as a license to abuse me and there was no understanding of autism. They actively tried to prevent me from getting a diagnosis and any support that I needed. But would just use that as an excuse. I have a family but they are not loving at all but abusive and encouraged a them and us mentality. OK there was a few good moments but they were few and far between and the 1967-74 stuff the so called kindness was just pervert style grooming to gain trust. As soon as I left the learning disability school all hell was let loose emotional abuse, expected to be starved of affection for up to 90 odd years and my mum has no regrets. No mother's day present from me she doesn't deserve it since the only thing she is proud of giving me was epilepsy.



Skilpadde
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22 Mar 2017, 11:33 am

Yeah, I definitely prefer my mom. She has always done her very best, been understanding and supportive, she played with me when I was little and is someone I always have felt that I could talk to. We've always had a very strong bond and a good connection. She spent time with me, played with me, read to me, and I was very aware of which parent gave me presents for x-mas and b-day. She did all this in addition to working since I was little.
She couldn't have been a better mother, and I love her so much for who she is and everything she has done for me and keeps doing and the bond we have.

My father on the other hand has always had a way of treating me as if I was a chore, never wanting to play with me unless he could get out of it somehow. He has never been approachable or supportive. He can be full of criticism but never constructively so. We have never really bonded. Already when I was 6 I knew I couldn't count on him to keep a promise of spending time with me (yes, that is a big deal to a kid). He's also hard to ask if you need help. His response is often annoyance and grunts, which is nothing like my mother. He can be pretty lazy really. As much as it can be said that he has worked and put food on the table, so did my mom, and more is needed for us to bond.
One good thing about him is that he made a zoo for my plastic animals, and he built a Lego City for me. (I was only interested in playing with the end result, not building).


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idonthaveanickname
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22 Mar 2017, 3:39 pm

I prefer my dad over my mom. My dad is more kind and more understanding than my mom. Also, I still have some resentment towards my mom because of what she did to me while I was in her womb. She was taking at least 50 different kinds of prescription strength pain killers when she was pregnant with me, which caused me to be born a crack baby. I was all blue and not breathing when I was born. Then when I was brought back to life, I had a high pitched cry like that of a crack baby. I found this out from my dad about 10 years ago. Also, my mom got pregnant by her second husband and miscarried. I found this out from my sister about 3 years ago. I was shocked to hear that. I could have had a little brother or sister. Anyway, I guess I can understand why my mom did what she did. She's a drug addict and so am I, so I know what it's like not being able to control your drug use, no matter what your circumstances are. Another thing about my dad is that I feel like I can talk to him about anything, not so much with my mom. She and my dad divorced when I was 4 years old, and then I had to live with my grandparents because my mom was too screwed up on drugs to take care of me. Now I'm 36 years old and my mom is 70 and she's still smoking at least 2 packs of cigarettes a day. She has all these other health problems, too. My dad is going to be 70 in May and is in much better health than my mom.



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22 Mar 2017, 8:18 pm

My mother was emotionally abusive and had fits of rage. I know nothing about her and she left when i was 13. She knows nothing about me, she knows im autistic but she doesnt care.

My dad is the best thing ever. Hands down. No words can describe how much i love him and what he has done for me.


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22 Mar 2017, 11:15 pm

I did have a strong preference for my mum over my dad up until early last year. After what my mum put me through last year, that preference went away and I don't have a preference anymore. I brave them both the same now and they tolerate me.


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24 Mar 2017, 2:54 am

Whatever I dared to do, mother thought it was great, and dad thought it was silly. I ignored both opinions. When they split up, I stayed with dad so I wouldn't vegetate, but get out and meet people I might learn from. It took mom 40 years to ask, and learn that dad threw me out. So, no preference; they were both just trying to cope with a world gone crazy, and having kids to try to look normal.



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24 Mar 2017, 9:35 am

I grew up in the hands of my grandma so I would prefer her. It's really hard to choose between my parents, but probably I would say I prefer mom. My father's OCD with hoarding has put us into a lot of financial trouble when I was growing up and my mom is a very selfless woman.