I don't understand anymore

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I've been struggling a lot in the last few days to understand all of the negative things going on in my life. I'm going to college, doing data entry, and working with social services. I just don't understand conflict. It just doesn't make sense to me. I will explain it might be a paragraph.

So, in 2014 in the summer I moved out of my house to live with my grandma because one of my parents was emotionally abusive and sometime's got physically. I lived with my grandparents for a month and they got me through drivers education which was great. However, my mom eventually moved into an apartment in my town, while I moved back into my house and I didn't talk to her for about two months. It was great. I wasn't getting yelled at, wasn't getting pushed around and hit, and wasn't getting neglected. My history with my mom goes back to fifth grade with abuse. I was diagnosed after going to a hospital for several reasons. My parents had a hard time coming to terms with it, but my dad eventually accepted me. It took my mom tell the last two years to accept me. I'm twenty and doing great. She would yell at me every night for not doing my homework right or not understanding the work when she had to repeat herself. I have bad short-term memory and it was hard in school. I was in fifth grade when I was diagnosed. All through middle school it was absolute hell every night. I got pushed into doing activities that I didn't like. Mainly, football. Which I would latter become manager of the team which was much better. My dad eventually called my school and told them not to send any homework home with me because this behavior was occurring every night. High school got worse. My mom stop taking her pills because she thought she didn't need to take them. That's when this all happened.

She moved into an apartment and moved back into my house. It took over a year and half to get everything back to normal. In the end everything was my fault because I hurt her and I didn't respect her. I would ask my dad and therapist this all the time and they said they thought my mom was being over dramatic and just isn't smart with her words. I've been blamed for ruining holidays and birthdays. Just typing about it makes me pissed. However, my sisters and dad say I never ruined anything. I've been in psychotherapy my entire life and I've taken medications since I was young to help me.

Leading to my point, just this last weekend my mom was upset basically because I'm very unorganized and I'm don't really respect my stuff. I understand that I'm not organized, but I actually really am. I'm not organized with my personal life, but with my school and work I am. It eventually lead to a mutual agreement that she wasn't going to apologize etc. I understand that. I'm working on this and I'm receiving services to get help with this. But, there's more. Over Christmas break, I posted on Facebook that I made the deans list and I didn't tell them and just posted it first. That lead to a whole bunch of trouble and my mom was the only one mad. Two weeks later, my mom found out that I blocked her from seeing another post of mine and her and my aunt just went crazy. My aunt called me inmature and that I act like a fifth grader basically. My mom thought I was being selfish basically. I will explain why I. Since I've had my Facebook in 2014, my mom and aunt troll me. They follow me and like my stuff all the time. If I post something they don't like, they tell me to basically take it down. This hasn't happened until the last two years. I'm twenty now and I have no privacy. My sister was going to tell my mom and aunt to give me break because I'm an adult now and that I want some independence and privacy. My dad thought they were being unreasonable. It just all confuses me.

So I deleted the Facebook and I'm now on Twitter and have been longer on that then Facebook. It torked my aunt off because that's the only way she can find out what's going on in my life. Hence why I never talk to her. I've had so many other incidents in the last two years about having privacy and independence. My dad advised me to take night classes because that's when my mom will be home from work. Get involved in clubs and other things during the weekend. It seems like every other month for two weeks something's always wrong or something's not done correctly. It's really bringing me down and I'm surprised that I'm still alive after all the stuff I've gone through. My mom said that she got over what happened when she moved out etc. I haven't and my therapist has said that I might have PTSD. I told my mom that and she starting balling.

It all confuses me because we appologized and are on good terms for the next six weeks. Then something will happen. I just don't see what's the point of being alive if you have to deal with this crap. One person rules your life when your almost drinking age and can't get time alone without being told that I'm not involved enough with the family. I'M 20! I don't want to always be with them. Overall, I just don't get this every other month for two weeks thing. Why should I continue to keep appologizing. What should I do to keep myself busy when she's home or whatever. She said that's she's going to be in my life for the next three years because she doesn't want me living in poverty, but she will have say over some things when I move out. How is this fair? It's my life. Anyways, what the hell should I consider or do. And help me understand.

Thank you.

OK, you're 20 and live in the US? The law in the US says that you are a legal adult at 18. So, basically you can just buy a suitcase, stuff some things in it, and walk out the door one night and never look back. She has ZERO ability to stop you, at least legally, since you are an adult. I did the same with my emotionally/physically abusive parents. I graduated HS on a Friday, loaded some stuff in my beat up Plymouth over the weekend, and simply drove away on Monday. But I had SSI and had found my own apartment. My dad (the worst of the two) kept calling me and ranting about me moving back. I told him I was an adult now, so stuff it.

Well my parents have guardianship of me. They will basically tell me when I can move out. I might have a say. I do live in the US and I'm in my really early twenties. I don't have much of a choice right now to move out. They don't think I'm ready. I think the underestimate me but I would need help managing bills for sure. im getting services in my state soon. I just think my mom has borderline personality disorder. My dad isn't the problem. There are sometimes where my mom makes a justified point, but she dramatic and takes things to the extreme. I just try avoid it. I've decided that I'm taking night class at my main campus because it will kill time and I'm studying at a regional center right now. I'm going to do homework on the weekend and basically just get away. I don't know what else to do. I told her that my therapist said I might have PTSD because of the verbal abuse and she thought otherwise and said she wasn't physical. She was t physical but was def. verbal. In my face all the time. Anyways congrats on moving out and I wish you the best with your life. I'm still trying to figure out mine. Namaste.