What was school like?

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Preschool- Just activities, reading and singing and playing with toys and playing on the playground and we had snack time.

Elementary school-I spent the first two years in a self contained classroom and kids were all over the place from seeming normal to being severely impaired. The first year was fine but we had a lot of boys in my class who were eight and they were hyper and we had one boy in there who was a chronic liar and would pinch other kids or hit and lie about it and make excuses to justify it and his lies have gotten me into trouble several times and he did it to other kids too so I know I wasn't his target. It was just random. Then the following year we had more kids in there who were cognitive impaired and the older boys were no longer in our class and other kids who seemed normal were no longer in there because they were in another school and I was one of the few kids in that same class again and there were several kids in my class that year I knew in preschool. Also another thing about this class was the rules were inconsistent so one student was allowed to show off his penis and the year before one boy was allowed to yell the number nine in every number while counting and he was allowed his own basketball and didn't have to share it, when I was eight and only in that class for ten weeks, one girl was allowed to scream when touched on her back. I just thought our teacher gave out special rules to kids just because they were them so I would sometimes break rules on purpose to see what rules I was allowed to break and didn't apply to me and I started to shout in school because it was allowed. One boy did it in my class and it got attention so I did it too. Also what we did in our class was we did reading, went on lot of field trips, had our own Easter and thanksgiving, sang songs, played games, did lot of activities together, I went to homeroom for music, PE, and library and it was three times a week. I also did the same school work over and over and I already knew all of that because they treated me like I was slow but I didn't know any different.

Then from 2nd grade through 6th I was in another school and in a normal class this time with normal kids and we did not go on many field trips, I was picked on, had troubles making friends and fitting in while that was not a problem for me in my self contained class, I was singled out, teased, and harassed, called slow and ret*d and stupid and I had other negative labels like rude and mean and weird. Plus kids didn't always follow the rules so it was very confusing for me and I was the one who always had to be in trouble and they always got away with it. There was another boy in my school who was worse than me and he was picked on always on my bus and kids left me alone so he was like my bodyguard. His little sister would try defending him and they would ignore her but I knew if I did that, I would get teased about it. But yet there were other kids in my school who looked different because you could tell they had a disability and they got respect and had a circle of friends. I wondered what they did to be normal and to be accepted and be treated like everyone else. My school also saw me as a behavior and tried to throw me out in 6th grade claiming I had a behavior disorder and they did have League Girl rules and the rules they had for everyone only applied to me and not to everyone else. I was also expected to be perfect. My mom was on my side and thought it was all abuse and ridiculous and even my therapist had to come to my school and she had watched six hours footage of the video and said it was a problem with their system, not a League Girl problem.

Middle school-school was very small and kids didn't pick on me or harass me and I had a full aide and I was in the resource room for all my classes but choir and art and PE or Spanish or current events. Plus lot of kids went to the resource room and they all looked normal and acted normal so I didn't feel bad about myself anymore for needing help with school work or for being in there. But lot of them would refuse to do their school work so I always had to help fold letters and put them in envelopes for the teachers to send them home to their parents or guardians because they had missing assignments. I also had to help with psychical forms too when kids would sign up for sports, I also had to make eye cover things for head start for the little kids to use when they get their eyes checked and my teachers would have these kids come to the class from high school to do projects with me and I thought I made new friends but they weren't my friends because they were only volunteers to be there to help me build relationship skills.

High school-I went to most of my classes and was only in the resource room for two classes and I had my aide full time until my Junior year. I feel I wasted my time doing fun classes than doing career classes to explore what I am good at and what I can do so it's not a waste of money. Kids still left me alone and didn't harass me or bully me. It was a very small school so we shared the same band room, choir, room, gym, with the middle school and we shared the same building for certain classes and we shared the same Spanish teacher so we sometimes had middle school kids in our high school for that class. We shared the same cooking teacher too, shared the same band teacher and choir teacher. That was how small the school district was. We all shared the same ISS room so elementary kids went there too. Plus lot of kids in my high school acted goofy and some would shriek for fun and we had a lot of drop outs and lot of foster kids attending. But I was treated like I was incompetent by other kids and I wasn't really treated the same as everyone else and I had to fight to take drama. Then I went from being under estimated to being over estimated after I did the play.

I used to have a small group of friends however I could never properly interact so often had fall outs - i don't talk to any of them now a year later (how good friends they really were!)
I have been suspended (not literally) twice and was in detention nearly everyday and had that known perception as "the person who kicks off over nothing" when, we all know, it isn't "nothing". Despite spending less time in the classroom, I came out with 6 pass grades which, 4 years ago, I was expected none.

I mostly stayed out of the way and daydreamed through school. I wasn't very aware of being considered odd, because I always found one other misfit to ride the bus with, and we were both puzzled by the popular trends. Being the youngest one in class, I never expected to fit right in.

I experienced some bullying in school, and frustration with trying to make friends. Then around 5th grade I met a group of friends whom I am friends with until this day. It was a big plus that I wasn't isolated. It helped smooth out the rough times. School had its ups and downs - overall, it was stressful. When I got to college, it was a lot better. I was surrounded by others who were interested in expanding their knowledge rather than merely boosting their social status.

School was mostly an exercise in avoiding interacting with the other students as far as humanly possible (the teachers being much less of a problem), and resisting clamping my hands over my ears in the noisy corridors at class changes, as it would have resulted in even more unpleasant interactions with the other students. Eventually I became quite adept at avoiding contact with other students.

Looking back I realized the stress social situations caused me. At age 4 my parents enrolled me in first grade but they had to pull me out because I cried all day every day. My teacher told them I was the smartest child in the class, I just wasn't emotionally mature enough to be in school. So I came back at 5 and I still cried every day but not as much.

After 4th grade, I was home schooled all the way through high school and graduated at 16. But my other two siblings were homes schooled through high school too. Our parents just didn't want us in high school.

So I was very introverted and non-confrontational. College was very socially awkward for me, and challenging because my teachers kept telling me to stop turning in so many homework assignments. I didn't understand why all the homework was listed in the syllabus received at the beginning of the semester...if I couldn't turn in 6 weeks of assignments at once.

Academically, I did well, especially in English and languages. Socially, I was a bit awkward. I had some friends, but there were also some really bad bullies. The bullies were usually part of the criminal element, and wound up in trouble with the police as well as with the teachers and other kids. I never was what anybody would call a popular person, but I was liked. Some people told me I was too serious, but that I was a good person.

Preschool- Had the same teacher for 3 years in row in the early 2000s. She threatened to cut off someone's ear (going as far as taking out scissors) for not listening, and to call the police on us (we were too loud during nap time). She told us that our parents won't love us anymore (when we misbehaved), slapped our hands with rulers (for getting a question wrong), and told us (somewhat graphic) horror stories of what would happen to us if we didn't behave.

She hated that I was slow at eating and put spicy stuff (which I hated) in my food. She also sometimes called me "Turtle" or "Snail" instead of by my name. Also, she picked favourites based on whose parents gave her most money during parent teacher conferences, and my parents didn't give her much money.

Other than that, kids thought I was crazy, but I didn't really care. I kept to myself except for a couple of people. This holds true for the rest of my school career.

Elementary school- I started reading later than the rest of my peers. When we read together, I just moved my mouth and hoped that the teacher won't notice and think I was lazy. Eventually, I started going to this lady with reading flashcards instead of to recess.

One teacher was concerned with my clumsiness, but my parents told me to be normal. It took a long time for me to wrap my head around the concept of division and long division, but I was fine once I got it.

I went through this time when I was constantly doing an evil laugh. Some loved it while others thought it was annoying.

Middle & high school
My noise sensitivity became REALLY apparent to everyone.

One teacher thought that I might have problems and it led to a chain of events of getting the ASD diagnosis.

Teachers were not so patient anymore when I fail to follow their directions, or when I did not take in a word they said.

My grades are beginning to be like . But I am still hanging on.

I am beginning to suspect when I get picked on.

Mostly boring and like a chore. I probably spent ¼ or so of my school years sleeping in the classroom. And I mean it.
Spent another ¼ crying or being angry because of bullies and unwanted attention.
The rest is either just being myself and appreciating things or being worried.

I didn't enjoyed academics until when I was around high school. Regardless, I didn't struggled much maybe except for language.
PE is usually one of my best subjects in all around my school years.

I had noticed I'm different from others when it was around my 3rd grade. I dunno, first thing I felt is denial.. And betrayal. Because I got bullied because of it. And what others kept telling me is either ignore it or something in the lines of "act normal". I didn't do either.
In the end, I enjoyed it when no one tries to bully me that I have nothing to ignore or deny, at the same time I don't have to 'act'.

I didn't have any sensory related problems until I was in 4th grade when anxiety is starting to get to me. I WAS a sensory seeker, then I lost it. I've been intolerant as long as I had been anxious, which was at 4th grade to 2nd year HS.
But I got over after I stopped going to school for few years then returned to school. Around that time, I'm no longer intolerant towards stimuli, despite that I'm still as sensitive, that sensory overload it rare since then.

I had been popular or unpopular throughout my school years, for some odd reasons -- whatever it might be -- could be my oddity, or when crafting is a trend, or if I pulled off something that most students didn't, or because they are curious or wanting to exploit me because of several reasons mentioned, or whatever.
I have mixed feelings towards the fact that strangers had known my name whenever I go in the campus... It was funny at first, enjoyable even. Then it got annoying because of expectations. I hate expectations. Sometimes, it's unnerving since I wasn't always aware of any status.

I rarely have actual friends, I never 'hangout', never been in a group or gang or any sort. I had been worried that I'm actually an outcast or a loner until I was driven into anxiety and depression because of it. I stopped going to school for 2 years, until I figured myself out.
I was the happiest when I no longer have that need, and the whole campus had sort of feared me, and that time when I get to be alone and undisturbed.

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Mostly smooth sailing up until middle school, when I was separated from my only two friends by school logistics (same school, different "unit"). After that I kept my head down and my guard up. I was never bullied that I was aware of, I think because nobody knew what to do with me and they were perhaps afraid of me (my internal joke is that I was actually poisonous). I got "adopted" by a group of geeky, disruptive guys I didn't like very much.

In high school I got to be isolated again, until my first girlfriend literally grabbed me and I got pulled into her social circle. They were nice, bookish, and mostly female - which was good because I couldn't stand males at the time. Males seemed to be boring, horny, and potentially hostile. My female friends actually would talk about interesting things and I never felt hostility from them. Still, I would usually prefer to eat my lunch and read outside in the doorway.

Overall my first relationship was incredibly stressful and unhealthy and took over the last two years of my school career. Perhaps if I'd been more focused on the transition into adulthood I would have to make, I wouldn't still be in school 12 years later.

Academically, I think I floated through school by the virtue of low expectations and natural intelligence. Math was the only thing that really tripped me up, everything else I could never study and barely read and was guaranteed a B. Math homework would take me hours and hours though, until I would eventually give up in frustration. I really needed a tutor, but I didn't want one and my parents were way too accommodating.

My most hated subject was Gym though. The only detention I ever received was in middle school for my refusal to participate. I'd had enough. Changing in front of your peers, getting sweaty and miserable, stupid games with arbitrary rules...and they had the audacity to try to force you to do it! Gym was a violation of my personal rights.

College has mostly been an expensive extension of high school, albeit more interesting and pleasant. I'm slowly coming to the realization that I can't waste much more time here.

There were lots of awkward silences after I spoke. I was sometimes a bully myself because I didn't realize when I had taken a joke too far or when others weren't playing or laughing along. I had one meltdown in 5th grade where I threw furniture. In highschool, after my first real girlfriend broke up with me, I got upset and she freaked out and told everyone I had gone psycho and was about to hit her. None of the girls would speak to me after that.

School was awful.

I went to public school. Because I was born in September, I was 4 when I started school and I was always the runt of the class. Teachers always had the same thing to say about me, year after year : very bright, but socially withdrawn. Elementary school was boring and I suffered through 6 years of ennui. I came into kindergarten knowing how to read and write (not well, of course, but I could write). I kept reading far above my class level throughout school. I was the kind of kid who made his mom spell every other word she said to me, and when she gave me my bath, she had me conjugate verbs throughout.

My mom was offered the possibility of having me skip a grade, but she didn't want to because I was already young and she was scared that I'd be bullied once I entered high school younger than everyone else. There was no real gifted program in my region aside from private schools we didn't have the money for so that was the only option for bright children. I'm thankful to her for not taking that opportunity because while elementary school was boring, high school was miserable, and if I had been 2 years younger than everyone else to boot, it would've been worse.

People say that kids are cruel. I don't think that's true - teenagers are undoubtedly crueler. As a kid I was withdrawn but I wasn't bothered. I even had a friend or two. When high school came around, bullies began to torment me. The few friends I made during elementary school turned on me and joined the bullies. To this day I don't know what happened.

High school was just as boring as elementary school, and on top of it there were bullies to contend with. As most people here know, the "zero tolerance" policy public schools have against bullying is actually bullcrap. However, I don't think that's because they don't try. They do. The problem is that there are so many despicable little monsters that if they were to punish every bully, half the school would be suspended. In my high school, lockers were shared with one other student. I had to change lockers three times before they gave up on finding a locker mate who wouldn't masturbate in my gym clothes and similar stunts and set me up with the only non-shared locker in the school. One time my family called the cops on a student and had them convey to his parents that if this continued, there would be a lawsuit (said student threw a knife at me, and not a butter knife).

I was stuck going every morning to a place I hated to learn things I knew 2 years ago, to watch everyone else have fun with their friends while I ate lunch in a random hallway where nobody went, to sequester myself in the library once that was done and to dodge the random tormentor who decided I'd be on today's menu. At the time I wasn't diagnosed, since nobody thought there was a problem with me - I was quiet, I had good grades, I didn't need Ritalin or Adderall, so as far as teachers were concerned, I was the perfect student. They let me get away with murder without so much as a reprimand. I never turned in my homework unless it was actually worth points, for instance. I didn't know what was wrong with me either, so my self-esteem rapidly plummeted. I thought I was obviously the problem. I tried to dodge school as much as I could by faking sickness and bunking the classes I could bunk, like gym. I threw myself into escapism to forget how miserable I was. And then, when came the time to choose preparatory classes for college, I chose all the easiest joke classes. I just wanted this to be over as quickly and painlessly as possible.

My grades were still good, not as good as before but still in the high 80s-low 90s average. I could have done anything I wanted, but I went the path of least resistance. This is a choice I made and I hate myself for it. I reasoned that with joke classes I could bunk as much as I wanted and still do well enough on the tests that nobody would complain. The overworked public school teachers stuck with all kinds of problem students wouldn't care. I wasn't disrupting class and I was raising the class average. My theory was proven true. I was finally diagnosed just after I finished high school thanks to a referral by a concerned social worker who worked with my grandmother. It was too late to change anything.

I hated myself, I thought I was worthless and damaged and I never developed any kind of work ethic because I could always get away with doing the absolute minimum work required. That's why I'm sitting here at 26, with no employment and a now worthless college degree I coasted through and "earned" the same way I did my high school diploma. I never developed any passion aside from the random Asperger obsession, like memorizing phonological tables when I couldn't give a crap about linguistics. Even that is more akin to automatism than genuine interest.

In fact, I grew to hate learning. I hate anything remotely resembling school or academia. I stayed so long in the educational system because it was expected of me and I didn't know what else to do. I was so curious as a child, and that curiosity was painfully extracted from me by the system and I'll never see it again. I try to, sometimes. I revisit what I liked as a child : grammar, dinosaurs, video games. I get bored every time. Instead, I just sit there and waste away all my good years. I don't want to learn anything. I just coast from boring TV show to boring TV show. My special interest is boredom. Everything I read sucks, everything I watch sucks, everything I do sucks. Even masturbation is boring.

My life could have gone a thousand different ways. If my parents had been richer, I could have gone to private school and maybe I would have learned hard work and had teachers who cared about me as an individual and not as a statistic that makes them look good. If I had lived elsewhere, I could've attended a better public school (mine was one of the worst in the entire province). If I had a different temperament then I wouldn't have made so many wrong choices in an attempt to escape, which just saddled me with bigger problems down the line. But I made my bed and now I have to lie in it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to sleep. I have an interview tomorrow with a job agent who'll try to set me up with some kind of minimum wage labour, probably involving the public because screw you, and from which I will draw neither a career that will sustain me once my parents are gone, nor any satisfaction, emotional or intellectual. That's the result of the choices I made and the circumstances in which I made them.