Hi from 41 year old Canadian

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Hello planet. I'm amazed at the activity and extensiveness of this forum!

I'm skeptical of the value of labels - should we have diagnosed and medicated people like Isaac Newton? But on Aspergers self-tests, I score very high and relate to most of the specific points. For example, I'm extremely sensitive to sounds and light touch, feel overloaded and ready to withdraw and shut down at parties, can't focus on conversations well in a chaotic environment, have unusual physical mannerisms when speaking, feel like it's an intellectual challenge to form and tell a coherent story, and do not naturally make eye contact in conversations.

I have a degree and math and am a data and analytics engineer, and very successful (well into six figures) and universally liked in my career. Most of what I know about people I got through observation and reasoning about it and using the scientific method. And I'm good at it. My unusual passion is classical singing and opera, I've sung professionally and performed lead roles in many amateur shows. Sigh, even with a pseudonym I guess I'm already Google-able if someone were to do enough work.

I've been single for 8 years, never married and have no kids. Since my last breakup I've gone through every range of emotion trying to improve myself enough to be viable in the dating market. (For example, getting down to low bodyfat, trying to improve fashion, trying to read a lot about the topic.) It seems that mature women don't feel chemistry toward me and I have only had rejection in the 2010s. It's never a problem the other way around. I'm average looking, 5'8, look 10-15 years younger than my age, and am receding in the back. I've given up and dating and women for a couple years as being too much of a net negative emotionally with only failure and no success.

I have a lot to say that isn't family friendly, about ways I've coped with being single and alone and feeling like I'm denied by the universe from being able to have love or a sexuality. I'm hoping there's a sub-forum here where these things can be discussed openly without too much judgement.

Either way, it's great to meet you all, and in a few minutes I've already seen some great posts I relate to.

Ray

Hi Ray, welcome! I've had similar problems to yours in relationships. I had problems being intimate with other people, as I behaved rigidly "nice" and experienced anxiety during moments of vulnerability (resulting in me running away or avoiding emotionally-laden situations). I don't do well when I'm feeling emotionally overstimulated; I shutdown almost completely. I'm currently married, but I've had numerous encounters with women throughout my life and two long-term relationships before my current marriage. I think the women I gravitated towards either had similar issues to me or were so psychologically distressed that they'd take any man that came along.

I'm much happier now. Your problems can be overcome. The key is not staying stuck in the "venting" and "processing" of you pain, but using your pain to inspire you to action. Behaviors and thinking can be changed, and your quality of life can get much better. I wish you the best.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!