Almost 29 and I am still the same as I was last year

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I don't like southern rock because the rednecks who like it are just as bad as the ones who like country music. They think Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath are "gay ass British s**t".

Was the therapy focusing on building social skills, though?

The negative emotions you have now can be changed though of course it's not a short term process.

IRL = in real life.




Only women are allowed to take the initiative with that app? (I'm not familiar with it so I'm asking.)

Actual hate isn't the same as not messaging you.

Which app?

My therapist has tried to help me understand social signals and work on social skills but the main issues she thinks I suffer from is not living in the present since I am either ruminating oh my past or I am having bleak future thoughts. I also tend to have a lot of "stories" in my mind since I compare myself to others. I am always wondering "Why them and not me?" as if the universe hates me.





The app is called Bumble. It's meant to be a feminist version of Tinder or that's how it's commonly described as. Men can still swipe but they can't message women on it unless the woman accepts the swipe. My therapist recommended it to me since it worked for her son and she knows my struggles with previous apps. Every dating site/app I've tried I never get any responses from the women I was attracted to; even one that was designed for general interaction (friendship to dating) called Meet Me I was met with foot dragging and a woman who asked me if she was my type not only lived far away from me but was physically unattractive to me. I swiped like crazy with this app and was completely ignored.

The one who messaged me on Meet Me was not my type because her face looked like a man's. I can be attracted to tomboys because they still have feminine faces but this woman looked like a redneck man cross dressing as a woman; my mother was once married to a redneck who did the same thing for his stupid plays but I digress. Some might say my standards are too high but that is just an assumption. I don't require a potential girlfriend to look like a super model or cheerleader or pop star.

And you want to change this approach, yes?




Mind showing the user profile you used for these dating apps?

I am not sure what I can do. Will I have to become like the redneck bullies who think everything that isn't "Uhmurican" is either "gay" or "weird"?




I don't have any of my old ones since I deleted them a long time ago. The more current ones I might still have saved on my phone but I'll have to get back to you on them since I am short on time at the moment.

Sorry, I don't see how this would follow from stopping to ruminate and starting to live in the present...?




OK, feel free to PM me when you found them.

I would wonder why being nice wasn't working out while it seemed like only the jerks were getting the girls and when I would ask why things were looking like that, I was told "Nice guys finish last." so it made me feel like they were telling me I needed to become a jerk. The jerks in the Bible Belt are especially horrific. They terrorize anyone who is "different", are anti-intellectual, drink until they pass out, smoke until their nostrils burn, and view women as "b*****s". It doesn't matter if you are a redneck or ghetto thug, they are both monsters.

This is a recurring theme on WP. First off, "nice guys" usually aren't. It's an attitude thing, followed up with an entitlement mentality that girls owe them sex and relationships simply for doing what we're all SUPPOSED to do anyway.

Which leaves the supposed "jerks" who actually get girls. First off, nobody "gets" girls unless they're into human trafficking. Second, in order to "get girls" in the sense we're talking about here, girls have to actually CONSENT to going with a guy. Girls don't want to end up with jerks. So if girls keep ending up with these guys you call jerks, are they REALLY jerks? Or do girls end up with them because girls actually get something out of it they want?

I also can't understand why you buy into the false redneck/ghetto thug dichotomy. There's no such thing anywhere.

Unless... how far do you live from a coal mine?

I know plenty of people in relationships who I wouldn't dream of calling "jerks".

I never felt I was entitled to relationships and sex. I just wanted a special partner and was scared of my time running out because it didn't seem like it was ever going to happen.

How is it false? Rednecks say "If you ain't white or Chrishun, you ain't an Uhmurican!" while thugs say "f**k da law, b***h! We be livin' da thug lyfe!" without any apologies. Ironically, both groups have more in common than they'll ever admit. They like drinking to the point they pass out, they enjoy smoking until their nostrils burn, they are homophobic, they are hyper aggressive, they love fried chicken, they consider women to be sexual objects, and they boast about their penises. The only differences are that rednecks like country music, trucks, cowboy hats, and overalls while thugs like rap music, cadillacs, baseball hats, and baggy pants. I don't live anywhere near a coal mine but how would that make a difference?

I'm nice. But I keep hearing there aren't any nice guys so maybe I'm not

To me, if you are pleasant and not nasty, you're nice--all genders.

It IS a false dichotomy. You believe in an absolute either/or view of local culture and diversity (or lack of it). I'm not convinced that really is the case. It's rarely ever like that anywhere.

Coal mines are communities all their own where you do have a dichotomy within which are largely working class people. This would be predominantly white, presumably redneck men constantly at the mercy of the economy and politics. If you lived near a coal mine, I would expect what you're saying to be closer to accurate.

If you visited the Delta just for a day, for instance, you'd have the impression that EITHER Deltans are rich white farmers, professionals, retirees drawing pensions, or we're urban/rural poor and predominantly black. Spend time here, and you find casino workers, teachers, social workers, Americorps volunteers, Mexican immigrants, Jews, Muslims, Catholics, Protestants, workers in the hospitality, entertainment, and other service sectors, rednecks, ghetto thugs, meth and moonshine makers, prostitutes, drug dealers, law enforcement, intellectuals, artists, and liberals AND conservatives and centrists among ALL these.

Rich white farmers/poor black welfare mommas would be a false dichotomy in the Mississippi Delta. I'm a white, anglo-saxon protestant, I attend a predominantly affluent church, they seem to like or at least tolerate me, I have enough nice clothes to wear to church and fit in only as much as I need to, and I'm very much a part of the rural poor.

So... Everyone has a place. It's a matter of perspective and being courageous enough to assume that place. I don't enjoy getting kicked out if a band or fired from a job...but somehow I always seem to find myself better off. Just think about it.

I'm sure both you and Marknis are both nice and great guys. I think girls really do want nice guys.

Thing is, everyone has issues. You see a guy who has a great girl and notice some character flaws, you automatically assume he's a jerk. Ask her about that, she'll say nobody's perfect, and for all his flaws he's a great guy once you get to know him.

I have a theory about girls with real jerks--a certain type of girl thrives on drama, the adrenalin and oxytocin rushes of abusive relationships. So they are drawn to abusive men or go right back to abusive exes. I dated a girl like that, and she'd defend her ex as long as she was with him. I happened to sit next to her on a bus once and she told me about some of their issues. I broke them up with one sentence: Wow! I had no idea you were so unhappy.

And that leads to a second theory why they keep going back: they feel there's no way out. Either way, you have little or no chance with a girl like that, so for the most part just forget about them if you can't break the pattern.

But you can't assume all guys who aren't you really are jerks, either, because that isn't supported by reality. They ARE nice guys most of the time. Again, it's all a matter of perspective.