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ForgottenStone
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28 Mar 2017, 2:56 pm

I decided to make an account after thinking about this question and wanted some input.

I know you guys probably get threads like this all the time.

But I was wondering could I have Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism? Or am I just an idiot. And if there is a strong possibility should I get tested and where/how?

Caution: Long Rant/Post ahead.

So to start I've always felt like I'm different than most people everyone else seems to have this psychic intuition allowing them to communicate with each other, while I always struggled to understand people, being social with others feels like walking into a high level class without taking any of the prerequisites. So recently I was bored and came across articles about autism, and many of the symptoms I feel like I can relate to.

Not just having social difficulty. I might start rocking myself, pace for hours, etc. when I'm frustrated. Everything I do is also well planned out as I'm really particular about my schedule. I've always had difficulties with speaking though after years of seeing a speech therapist most of the time I can speak clearly but I still have issues with people not understanding me at times.

I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Even during childhood I felt like I was different. According to my parents I didn't start talking until I was about 2 years old (hell, I didn't even respond to my own name according to my parents even when I was 1 years old) and I didn't like being touched(still don't) or was I very communicative. I couldn't make any friends, my only friend being my little brother, and I just behaved strangely so was known as that weird kid. Like I didn't like playing with other kids, fascinated with numbers, trivia (I would study Almanacs and Encyclopedia's for fun), astronomy, etc. (which idk could sound autistic but at the same time I could just be a "nerd"), super aloof/didn't understand other kids, liked to keep a set routine and still do, frequently rock myself or pace even as an adult, etc. Though at the same time I was and I'd say still am pretty creative/imaginative.

So I ended up being a bully magnet basically my whole life and spent the first few years of Elementary School as a kid in Special Education, which I thankfully was able to escape as I showed them I do have intelligence. Academically I did really well throughout school and despite my first semester of college where I failed (probably the stress of new environment and routine change), I quickly went to excel there as well even earning awards for academic achievement.

Unfortunately I still have problems and I'm 24. I can't read people (I know the basics but not much more) so I have alot of difficulty in social situations especially if I find myself in a social situation I haven't rehearsed for. Therefore I don't go out much, I sometimes force myself to go out to be more normal but I don't particularly enjoy it. I still have basically no true friends (I've had friendships before though but it's difficult to acquire and maintain friends), I have never had a girlfriend (I try but I don't understand flirting and such) and the handful of dates I've been on never progressed passed the first date. My social skills have even affected my job performance I was hired as a software engineer for a company and got fired in just 6 months because I was bad at talking with clients/interviews and I probably made a few social blunders during the time I was there like questioning the boss' decision, etc. Though they told me they think I was just totally unfit for the position as they didn't believe I had the intelligence required.

Now I'm stuck unemployed at home for almost a year already got a debt and I feel like a failure as it's been so difficult to get a new job, I've gotten a few interviews but I just can't get hired. And the fact I have never had a girlfriend worries me since I'm now beyond college and with my terrible luck thus far will probably never get a girlfriend. So I'm wondering what is wrong with me?



ASPartOfMe
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28 Mar 2017, 4:02 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I am going to agree with what you suspect, you could be on the Autism Spectrum because you exhibit a number of core traits.

Finding out why you are the way you are be it autism or something else(autism traits overlap with other conditions) can help you cope, making your future not as bleak as you see it at the moment.

About Aspergers by Tony Attwood

Dr. Attwood also has a well regarded book published called "The Complete Guide To Aspergers Syndrome"

Wrong Planet members can give give you several options to pursue as well as advise you on coping mechanisms if you are ready.


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DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


ForgottenStone
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28 Mar 2017, 6:19 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I am going to agree with what you suspect, you could be on the Autism Spectrum because you exhibit a number of core traits.

Finding out why you are the way you are be it autism or something else(autism traits overlap with other conditions) can help you cope, making your future not as bleak as you see it at the moment.

About Aspergers by Tony Attwood

Dr. Attwood also has a well regarded book published called "The Complete Guide To Aspergers Syndrome"

Wrong Planet members can give give you several options to pursue as well as advise you on coping mechanisms if you are ready.


Thank you for responding, and the link. Many of the traits listed do seem like something I may have.

So if I seem like I'm on the Autism Spectrum should I go get tested to be sure? And how/where would I go about doing that?



ASPartOfMe
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28 Mar 2017, 7:17 pm

ForgottenStone wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I am going to agree with what you suspect, you could be on the Autism Spectrum because you exhibit a number of core traits.

Finding out why you are the way you are be it autism or something else(autism traits overlap with other conditions) can help you cope, making your future not as bleak as you see it at the moment.

About Aspergers by Tony Attwood

Dr. Attwood also has a well regarded book published called "The Complete Guide To Aspergers Syndrome"

Wrong Planet members can give give you several options to pursue as well as advise you on coping mechanisms if you are ready.


Thank you for responding, and the link. Many of the traits listed do seem like something I may have.

So if I seem like I'm on the Autism Spectrum should I go get tested to be sure? And how/where would I go about doing that?


We can help you get a diagnosis better if we knew the general location where you reside. It can be difficult to find a clinicion that understands how autism presents in adults

A professional diagnosis makes you eligible for disability benifits, and job accommodations. It validates your suspicions reducing uncertainty.

The bad sides as mentioned is difficulty finding a clinicion that is knowledgeable in adult presentation that is also affordable. Therapies and supports are minimal for adults.

What some do is "self diagnosis" or "self identify". This is very controversial and if you claim to be autistic based on self diagnoses you will likely be criticized for it and you can not get benifits. Self diagnosers are vulnerable to confirmation bias, on the other hand most people do suspect and self diagnose to a degree before seeking a professional, and there are some experts that say autistic self diagnosers that research the condition
thoroughly are usually correct. You can move forward in learning how to cope with the traits.

My advice is since you are bieng significantly affected try for the proffessional diagnosis. But the decision is up to you. My knowledge of you is based on these posts, you have 24 years of knowing you.


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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


ForgottenStone
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28 Mar 2017, 10:14 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
ForgottenStone wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I am going to agree with what you suspect, you could be on the Autism Spectrum because you exhibit a number of core traits.

Finding out why you are the way you are be it autism or something else(autism traits overlap with other conditions) can help you cope, making your future not as bleak as you see it at the moment.

About Aspergers by Tony Attwood

Dr. Attwood also has a well regarded book published called "The Complete Guide To Aspergers Syndrome"

Wrong Planet members can give give you several options to pursue as well as advise you on coping mechanisms if you are ready.


Thank you for responding, and the link. Many of the traits listed do seem like something I may have.

So if I seem like I'm on the Autism Spectrum should I go get tested to be sure? And how/where would I go about doing that?


We can help you get a diagnosis better if we knew the general location where you reside. It can be difficult to find a clinicion that understands how autism presents in adults

A professional diagnosis makes you eligible for disability benifits, and job accommodations. It validates your suspicions reducing uncertainty.

The bad sides as mentioned is difficulty finding a clinicion that is knowledgeable in adult presentation that is also affordable. Therapies and supports are minimal for adults.

What some do is "self diagnosis" or "self identify". This is very controversial and if you claim to be autistic based on self diagnoses you will likely be criticized for it and you can not get benifits. Self diagnosers are vulnerable to confirmation bias, on the other hand most people do suspect and self diagnose to a degree before seeking a professional, and there are some experts that say autistic self diagnosers that research the condition
thoroughly are usually correct. You can move forward in learning how to cope with the traits.

My advice is since you are bieng significantly affected try for the proffessional diagnosis. But the decision is up to you. My knowledge of you is based on these posts, you have 24 years of knowing you.


Well I guess it can't hurt except for my wallet and time. Though right now I'm living with parents and don't have much in money and I know they'd think I'm crazy if I brought it up.

How much is the test and stuff usually?

I don't really know any autism centers near Vegas, kind of wish I thought about getting a diagnosis when I was in college since it would of probably been pretty cheap if done through the school.



antnego
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29 Mar 2017, 12:34 am

ForgottenStone wrote:
But I was wondering could I have Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism? Or am I just an idiot. And if there is a strong possibility should I get tested and where/how?


I would question what your end game is in this. What advantages do you gain with a diagnosis? Would you be able to access societal supports? Is it to connect with others you perceive to be like-minded and similar in quirks/interests? For example, I've shown "autistic-like" behavior throughout my youth and some characteristics as an adult, but it confers no real advantage to me now, other than to say, "I understand myself now." Keep in mind, there is no "treatment" for HFA. It's just something you live with and can be managed through the learning and application of skills. Secondary symptoms arising from coping with HFA can be managed somewhat with antidepressants, antipsychotics, etc.

Careful with diagnostic labels. You can easily "create" symptoms by stretching your interpretation of past events. In the end, a label doesn't define you, nor does it seal your fate to what you can or can't accomplish in the future. You just might have to find creative ways to get what you want in life.

Quote:
So to start I've always felt like I'm different than most people everyone else seems to have this psychic intuition allowing them to communicate with each other, while I always struggled to understand people, being social with others feels like walking into a high level class without taking any of the prerequisites. So recently I was bored and came across articles about autism, and many of the symptoms I feel like I can relate to.


Lots of people feel socially inept and isolated, not just autistics. Creative and bright individuals often feel out of step with the general population. Some people are more emotionally sensitive due to genetics, upbringing or trauma. And there's no psychic intuition involved in social discourse; it's just empathy, being able to project yourself into the shoes of another. It can be learned, understood and practiced. The brain has a lot plasticity; cognition and behavior is not nearly as etched in stone as some think. Again, don't race to slap a label on yourself based on this.

Quote:
Not just having social difficulty. I might start rocking myself, pace for hours, etc. when I'm frustrated. Everything I do is also well planned out as I'm really particular about my schedule. I've always had difficulties with speaking though after years of seeing a speech therapist most of the time I can speak clearly but I still have issues with people not understanding me at times.


Now this raises my eyebrows a bit. This kind of rigid, obsessive and/or stereotyped behavior seems a bit autistic in nature. My question to you at this point: Have any of these traits you described caused you to become tangibly impaired in your life? Have you lost jobs, relationships and educational opportunities due to your perceived deficits? Is it a pattern in your life that continuously repeats despite your best efforts to control your behavior?

Quote:
I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Even during childhood I felt like I was different. According to my parents I didn't start talking until I was about 2 years old (hell, I didn't even respond to my own name according to my parents even when I was 1 years old) and I didn't like being touched(still don't) or was I very communicative. I couldn't make any friends, my only friend being my little brother, and I just behaved strangely so was known as that weird kid. Like I didn't like playing with other kids, fascinated with numbers, trivia (I would study Almanacs and Encyclopedia's for fun), astronomy, etc. (which idk could sound autistic but at the same time I could just be a "nerd"), super aloof/didn't understand other kids, liked to keep a set routine and still do, frequently rock myself or pace even as an adult, etc. Though at the same time I was and I'd say still am pretty creative/imaginative.


Sounds like some sort of pervasive developmental disorder that alleviated a bit with age and socialization.

You answered my above question below. My apologies, I have problems processing large chunks of information and have to break it down into bite-sized chunks. :)

Quote:
So I ended up being a bully magnet basically my whole life and spent the first few years of Elementary School as a kid in Special Education, which I thankfully was able to escape as I showed them I do have intelligence. Academically I did really well throughout school and despite my first semester of college where I failed (probably the stress of new environment and routine change), I quickly went to excel there as well even earning awards for academic achievement.


So no educational impairments.

Quote:
Unfortunately I still have problems and I'm 24. I can't read people (I know the basics but not much more) so I have alot of difficulty in social situations especially if I find myself in a social situation I haven't rehearsed for. Therefore I don't go out much, I sometimes force myself to go out to be more normal but I don't particularly enjoy it. I still have basically no true friends (I've had friendships before though but it's difficult to acquire and maintain friends), I have never had a girlfriend (I try but I don't understand flirting and such) and the handful of dates I've been on never progressed passed the first date. My social skills have even affected my job performance I was hired as a software engineer for a company and got fired in just 6 months because I was bad at talking with clients/interviews and I probably made a few social blunders during the time I was there like questioning the boss' decision, etc. Though they told me they think I was just totally unfit for the position as they didn't believe I had the intelligence required.


Lack of instinctive empathy and/or social blindness isn't exclusively an autistic trait. Antisocial and narcissistic personalities lack empathy, too. Folks with ADHD tend to act before thinking, resulting in many a social faux pas.

Quote:
Now I'm stuck unemployed at home for almost a year already got a debt and I feel like a failure as it's been so difficult to get a new job, I've gotten a few interviews but I just can't get hired. And the fact I have never had a girlfriend worries me since I'm now beyond college and with my terrible luck thus far will probably never get a girlfriend. So I'm wondering what is wrong with me?


I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you got a tough break. There can be numerous reasons for your difficulties; I suggest you exhaust all possible options to improve your chances of success instead of throwing up your hands and saying, "I can't because of [insert label here]. If you change your view of life being unfair and deterministic to life being a grand experiment, then you improve your chances of success. Instead you can ask yourself, "What skills can I learn to get what I want?" "What risks do I need to take?" "How do I push my boundaries and challenge myself in healthy ways?"


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My neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 155 of 200

My neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 82 of 200

I am very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


ASPartOfMe
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29 Mar 2017, 2:36 am

ForgottenStone wrote:

I don't really know any autism centers near Vegas, kind of wish I thought about getting a diagnosis when I was in college since it would of probably been pretty cheap if done through the school.


UNLV Medicine Ackerman Autism Center

If you are interested have a chat with them and tell them what you told us. Do not worry about not communicating well, they are used to it. Talking with them does not commit you to anything. You do not have to be a UNLV student and they work with young adults.


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DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


ForgottenStone
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29 Mar 2017, 4:24 pm

Thank you for your response I'll try to answer your questions one by one.

antnego wrote:
ForgottenStone wrote:
But I was wondering could I have Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism? Or am I just an idiot. And if there is a strong possibility should I get tested and where/how?


I would question what your end game is in this. What advantages do you gain with a diagnosis? Would you be able to access societal supports? Is it to connect with others you perceive to be like-minded and similar in quirks/interests? For example, I've shown "autistic-like" behavior throughout my youth and some characteristics as an adult, but it confers no real advantage to me now, other than to say, "I understand myself now."


The only goal is to gain knowledge on why I have the issues I do that other's don't. Plus it will allow me to pinpoint what the problem is so I can take better steps to addressing it.

antnego wrote:
Lots of people feel socially inept and isolated, not just autistics. Creative and bright individuals often feel out of step with the general population. Some people are more emotionally sensitive due to genetics, upbringing or trauma. And there's no psychic intuition involved in social discourse; it's just empathy, being able to project yourself into the shoes of another. It can be learned, understood and practiced. The brain has a lot plasticity; cognition and behavior is not nearly as etched in stone as some think. Again, don't race to slap a label on yourself based on this.


I don't believe I lack empathy I can understand and relate to people's emotions since I can imagine myself in their situations.

Problem is I have difficulty recognizing beyond just basic emotions and body language, like I definitely know when someone is sad especially if they aren't trying to hide it and crying, but I'm generally slow to pick up on people's emotions and have bad accuracy when it comes to understanding body language and other unspoken social things. So it feels like I'm missing out on a wealth of information during communication with others because of this.

This also affects the way I present myself, I've been told I can seem pretty flat, somewhat robotic, and unemotional at times (not all the time, and I have been working on being more expressive). It's not that I don't feel emotions I just don't show alot in my body language or expressions.

I can still talk to people but it just seems like these things come more naturally to them, while I have to work hard.

antnego wrote:
Now this raises my eyebrows a bit. This kind of rigid, obsessive and/or stereotyped behavior seems a bit autistic in nature. My question to you at this point: Have any of these traits you described caused you to become tangibly impaired in your life? Have you lost jobs, relationships and educational opportunities due to your perceived deficits? Is it a pattern in your life that continuously repeats despite your best efforts to control your behavior?


My biggest impairment I feel is my social skills which can cause relationship and job difficulties to an extent. Stimming(is that what it is?) doesn't cause troubles in my life since I try to catch myself before doing things like rocking and pacing around in public since people seem to think I'm weird if I do so. My more obsessive behavior though can cause some issues as I can get "sucked" into something I'm interested in pretty easily to the detriment of other things, but at the same time I get to learn more about my interests faster than others which can be a positive.



antnego wrote:
Lack of instinctive empathy and/or social blindness isn't exclusively an autistic trait. Antisocial and narcissistic personalities lack empathy, too. Folks with ADHD tend to act before thinking, resulting in many a social faux pas.

I feel that I'm pretty empathetic since I can imagine myself in other's shoes so to speak. I would definitely rule out anti-social or narcissistic since I'm generally considered by most people as a pretty nice guy. I help out friends and occassionally strangers because I believe I should treat others the way I want to be treated. I don't have issues with rules or am I super selfish.

I just find it difficult to read other's body language and hidden emotions.

I also never act before thinking, all my actions are generally carefully planned out (causes me to be slow to act and indecisive at times) even if they turn out to be terrible .

Like how I failed on my job I never broke any rules at work (I even made sure to memorize the entire employee handbook as soon as I got it) or did anything of the sort like someone who is antisocial would do, and I did what I was told to do. I wasn't liked by my manager early on in employment though I'm not sure why they thought I was incompetent despite being capable of doing the work it was hard for me to adequately explain things to my manager in a satisfactory way. Like I design a program to their specifications and submit it, weeks later management suddenly wants a detailed explanation on how it works on the spot (they just show up unannounced and want a meeting), I give them an explanation I can't tell if they liked it or not since they are showing their fake smiles. Then later they come back and tell me my explanation was awful and they don't believe I wrote my own program (totally shocking to me). One other issue it was difficult to gauge what they are feeling because they didn't really show any obvious emotions (like most professionals I guess) so I probably missed all the hidden messages. Plus there was no schedule I can work with since everything kind of happened randomly I can be working on one software project and then suddenly with no warning project is scrapped and I'm doing something else, and instead of advance notice for meetings the manager will just suddenly have a random meeting sometimes unimportant other times important for like for instance I'm working with Java and suddenly they have a need for a mainframe programmer and I suddenly find myself getting tested on my mainframe knowledge with no advanced warning until I'm actually sitting in their office and they just start grilling me on mainframe questions. And I start looking autistic when I'm in a unplanned situation.

My relationship troubles come from my complete inability to sense any kind of attraction. So I approach girls to get turned down because I'm can't tell if their interested or not. So I'm probably approaching the wrong girls all the time but I don't know who the right girls are. Also I'm bad at small talk & flirting, and terrible with the approach. Not sure what it is in particular but I think I'm missing something with the body language and voice. One thing I've tried doing that fails is trying to be friends with the girls I like first so I can get to know them and they know me in a natural way. For example I was trying to be friendly with one girl I sort of liked in college, she wasn't super attractive but she did come off as a cool person so I wanted to get to know her better, anyway one day I overheard her talking to another girl telling her that I was so weird. This made me feel bad I never picked up on the fact she didn't like me until then and she's probably been talking behind my back all the time. Situations like that are normal for me since I can't seem to read people well.

On top of all this I'm also not particularly good looking and I have a weak social circle, where my few friends can't really help me get a gf either. The very few dates I did have, the girls tell me they didn't know we were on a date, so i'm not sure what they mean by that. Guess I was being too subtle if I suggest just me and her to go somewhere together but idk. Needless to say never got a 2nd date. Unfortunately now I'm no longer in school and it's even harder to meet girls and I tried OLD with laughable results, even the paid dating sites I couldn't get a single date.

antnego wrote:
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you got a tough break. There can be numerous reasons for your difficulties; I suggest you exhaust all possible options to improve your chances of success instead of throwing up your hands and saying, "I can't because of [insert label here]. If you change your view of life being unfair and deterministic to life being a grand experiment, then you improve your chances of success. Instead you can ask yourself, "What skills can I learn to get what I want?" "What risks do I need to take?" "How do I push my boundaries and challenge myself in healthy ways?"


I'm not saying I'm going to give up. And I feel like I've made at least some progress mainly through studying others and trying to mimic their behavior this allows me to act alot more naturally in public than I used to.

Unfortunately I might have to give up on finding a girl that likes me, I honestly just can't see that really happening anymore.