Hi.

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Well, I just registered here, so I figured I would give a short introduction. Probably won't post very often, but who knows.

I have (strongly) suspected that I'm on the spectrum since last year. I would most likely have remained oblivious, had it not been for a statistically significant number of people who, over the past few years, have inquired as to whether I had Asperger syndrome. After the most recent occurrence, I decided to do some research. To begin with, I had the opposite of confirmation bias. I didn't think I was on the spectrum, but I had long been painfully aware that I was odd / different. The more I read, the more I began to find that autism could potentially explain questions for which I wasn't even seeking an answer (things I had written off as idiosyncrasies). So, the following are a few of the things which lead me to suspect I am on the spectrum:

Social difficulties - Don't really have any friends, and don't really know how to make them. Eye contact is incredibly difficult, I don't pick up on most body language signals, I've been told my face isn't very expressive, and that I speak in a monotonous tone. I dislike physical contact, and find most people vexing. I do have severe social anxiety now, but that only really began during my stint in customer service.

Special interests - For as long as I can remember, I have derived a great deal of enjoyment from learning random (often obscure) subjects, and can get carried away with one thing for weeks on end (these days I regularly find myself poring over climatic data, for instance). Anyway, others have found this annoying.

Sensory issues - I have always been extremely sensitive to light, sound and even changes in air pressure. I frequently experience loss of sleep due to my sound sensitivity (ear plugs help sometimes).

Clumsiness - I never learned how to ride a bike or swim, I trip over myself not infrequently, and people have remarked on my "distinctive gait".

Stimming - I had never even heard of this until I started reading about autism. I'm still not exactly certain what does and does not qualify as stimming, so this might just be a list of my unconventional behaviors. I love smelling books, food and drink, and attempt to tone this down in public. I pace vigorously when thinking, and sometimes bound suddenly for no reason. When not wearing shoes, I often find it difficult to keep my feet planted flat on the ground. There are so many things.
When standing next to a wall, I hit my shoulder into it repeatedly (possibly a replacement for the head banging I stopped doing), and often it's like my rambunctious arms and hands have a mind of their own. I desperately try to shut these things down when in public (it helps when I have something to fidget with, like a pencil).

Meltdowns - A constant struggle, but I can usually keep it under control until I'm alone. There have been some public outbursts (the longer I think about it, the more incidents I recall, ugh).

In addition to all of the above, I have synesthesia (grapheme-color and phoneme-color).

I've gone to a therapist, and they also think I'm probably on the spectrum, but I don't have an official diagnosis. Anyway, my apologies for the rant. That was longer than I intended. Bye.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thank you.

Welcome to the forum. It didn't seem like a rant btw.

I'd never heard of stimming either until I started reading about autism. When I am supposed to remain quiet and sit and listen, I have to fidget some way to pay attention. I write notes or more likely lyrics for the entire time but if I can't do that, I tap my feet rapidly or drum my hands or fingers. Oh, I also have a spinning ring that I play with. If I forget to put it on, I still rub my finger like it's there and I'm spinning it.

Interesting. When I have to sit still and don't have anything to fidget with, my legs shake almost uncontrollably. The only way to stop it is to be actively focused on not shaking them. However, that particular stim seems to be fairly socially acceptable, so I usually don't even try to fight it. If I'm exceptionally nervous (during a job interview or on an airplane, for example), I tear at my fingernails until they're on the verge of bleeding, then fidget with the hangnails. It's comparatively discreet, though painful, and there's little I can do to control it.

Anyway, thanks for the welcome.

definitely the head/shoulder banging sounds like a stim to me, and the bouncing. um, other non-autistic nerodivergents also find benefit from stimming/fidgeting, although it is still primarily related to autism. I like to keep pocket-sized toys on me whenever I can, mostly squishy toys I find at places like target or the dollar tree. even if I don't actually take them out, that way I have something to fidget with that calms me down and keeps me from doing more unacceptable or harmful things. I know there's some fidget/stim toys that are specifically designed for people that prefer to pick at stuff, maybe if you can afford it you could look into one of those? my stims are more based around rubbing my fingers or palms, so I don't know whether or not something is a good picking stim toy.

Sorry, I seem to have missed your reply. I will definitely look into that, since I'm already looking into some noise cancelling headphones. Might as well take care of two things at the same time.

Well, another new person! just wanted to say hi, was going to say something else but i didn't feel like it.
alongside my PDD-NOS, i also have tourettes, which means i might occasionally have twitches, and i twiddle a lot. like, tapping my foot, snapping my fingers, slipping my thumb over other fingers, etc. but twitches can lead to rice bowl catastrophes. like instantly sending my rice bowl flying i was going to eat down in my basement. or, almost dropping heavy equipment. or, accidentally kicking something/someone.
tourettes is annoying, and my dad also has it so it's passed down genetically.
sounds kinda like your tapping against wall and twiddling a pencil.
and also the "hard to keep feet planted on ground".

Hello. Nice to meet you

I don't know if this is a stim, because it still partly confuses me but lately I've been picking at the skin near my nail bed because i dislike how dry it is and I keep peeling it. Probably not a stim but more of a habit. I also tend to walk on my toes but only when I'm excited about something and I kind of just jump or walk around without thinking about it. I have also been told I have a weird gait. I feel weird when I walk too as if my feet aren't functioning properly. Idk how to explain it. like a robot learning how to walk? I also collide into things not to infrequently too. A lot of times it's because I don't see where I'm going or its bad luck but it has happened more than I can count. I have frequently been scolded for slouching and I tend to laugh or moan by myself when I think of something funny. Of course this has made me the target of bullying because I have done it in oublic without noticing. Sometimes I might talk to myself under my breath very quietly.

Thanks to both of you for the greetings. It's interesting that you both also have the tiptoe walking. That becomes really difficult for me to control when I'm standing on a hard surface while not wearing shoes. No idea why. Maybe I just dislike that texture on the soles of my feet. Ha, I tend to blurt things out when recalling something unpleasant: "Shut up" or "You're stupid, ilmreynir", for example. I scold myself for social blunders committed many years prior. I've resorted to doing less talking in social situations; less talk = fewer blunders (well, ideally).