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C2V
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10 Apr 2017, 9:01 am

What's on your mind in regards to queer topics?
At the moment I'm uncomfortable with an impression that keeps occurring to me -
It's probably due to frustration around dysphoria and needing to continue transition but being financially incapable, but the nasty thought keeps bothering me that so many of the queer people I meet are all talk.
They are queer people who say they are pansexual/bisexual, and yet only date / have sex with people of the opposite biological sex. Or they say they're in queer relationships for whatever reason, but to anyone else, behave and appear as a heterosexual couple.
Then there are the people who say they're transgender or transsexual, and yet they are not in transition, they don't plan on any kind of transition, do not experience any form of dysphoria, and they present as completely heteronormative, often to blend in with the cis world and not get the crap that transsexuals do. There are genderqueer people who say they're genderqueer, yet they have binary gendered names, bodies, presentation, legal status, play perfectly gendered social roles, and basically demonstrate no other signs of being genderqueer in either their bodies or their lives other than saying so.
These people also insist on others treating them as queer/trans, and get angry when people treat them as cis/straight, when they actually give every outward impression of being so.
I'm not proud of this attitude in myself. I strongly dislike the "not trans /gay enough" attitude and this seems to edge horribly close. And of course, how people want to present and live their lives is entirely up to them and should be respected as such. Everyone expresses gender and sexual diversity differently and to expect people to conform to some queer stereotype misses the whole point.
I suppose this lip-service just makes me seem isolated from other queer people. Because this is not just lip-service to me. It's not something I just say to be "trendy." It's something I live. And I take considerable trouble, every day, to live that. But whenever I try to make a connection with another person who says they're queer or trans, I find out that they're just saying they are and nothing else, so there is really nothing in common between us. They don't know what it's actually like to live life as a gender and sexually queer person.
I'm not comfortable with this attitude as noted above, but it just makes it worse when I can sort of see the sense in it - it's like someone loudly claiming they are, say, Christian, and yet they don't believe in God, don't believe in Jesus, don't attend a church, regularly have homosexual sex or sex before marriage, and then get all righteously enraged when someone dares to imply they're not Christian just because they say they are.
Yeah. I'm not happy about this impression but it won't leave me alone. Especially when every queer person I've met and tried to find something in common with recently has been this way.
It's a bad rant.
What's on your minds in / about the queer world?


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unimatrix001
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10 Apr 2017, 5:31 pm

I think I would have a really hard time fitting in with other LGBT people if I transitioned. I definitely don't understand the people who claim to be trans or "queer" or whatever despite not having dysphoria or same-sex attraction. That whole culture is completely baffling to me. If I didn't have dysphoria, gender would be the last thing on my mind, and I would be thinking about things I'm actually interested in. It seems like a lot of them are doing it for political reasons. The whole "gender is a social construct" thing makes absolutely no sense to me, since all I really care about is having a female body and voice.

I also worry a lot about whether I've been "infected" by some kind of social contagion that made me dysphoric. Like maybe I would never have cared about gender if it weren't a big fad right now. I definitely was uncomfortable being male as a child, but it was always bearable until very recently. Now that I've learned that transitioning is an option, it's almost all I can think about.



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05 May 2017, 6:17 pm

I will do my best to explain me. I've never felt I fit in well with the queer community, though I've been technically out since my early teens. My brain considers itself male, since I childhood. When I wear heteronormative women's clothing I feel like I am cross-dressing. I don't care which body parts my lovers might have. My outward appearance is female. I mostly wear trousers and t-shirts. I like my long hair. I like the way skirts move when I dance and they are comfortable in the summer. I would still wear them if I did transition. Most people see me as a straight woman. (I suppose)
I have a hard enough time as things are. Somedays the only thing that allows me to get to the next one is 40 years of knowing how this body works. I don't feel I have the support necessary for a transition, and I feel like I would be in even more danger on a daily basis than I am now if I did. And I've learned to try not to think about how I probably never will, because when I do I have the urge to go over the rail of my 9th floor balcony.


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C2V
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08 Jul 2017, 9:12 am

I am learning sign language as a way to switch over to being (almost completely) nonverbal (as I used to be, before I was bullied out of it by relatives / teachers / everything about society) and just learned that in sign language, straight out pronouns are gender-neutral. It just made me smile. Of all the freaking out and bullshit people go on about, both for and against, with pronouns (especially the massive freakout "they" seems to get, as if it's sacrilegious) and in sign, they don't even bother with it at all. Fabulous.


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Butterfly88
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08 Jul 2017, 4:43 pm

I have this online friend on another site. I told her I have a gay friend and I'm also gay but I didn't tell her that. She said having gay friends is "not a good idea". I don't know if I should really classify her as a friend anymore. I wish people were more understanding of the queer community.



crystaltermination
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22 Jul 2017, 8:02 pm

Recently what's been on my mind was a failure made while talking online to a girl on a LGBT app. We unusually had a lot to talk about which made a change, but social media often brings about the same reaction I have making telephone calls; the pressure of replying to messages weirdly gets to me and I leave it too long to reply. :/ My sexuality has really swung towards females recently. I identify as bisexual but perhaps a more appropriate term is fluid. It seems to shift in one or the other direction at times. Anyway long story short, I clearly need to be better at talking, and replying to people.


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Raleigh
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24 Jul 2017, 2:15 am

Maybe I should just kill myself and be done with it.


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24 Jul 2017, 4:42 am

C2V wrote:
I am learning sign language as a way to switch over to being (almost completely) nonverbal (as I used to be, before I was bullied out of it by relatives / teachers / everything about society) and just learned that in sign language, straight out pronouns are gender-neutral. It just made me smile. Of all the freaking out and bullshit people go on about, both for and against, with pronouns (especially the massive freakout "they" seems to get, as if it's sacrilegious) and in sign, they don't even bother with it at all. Fabulous.

?
The sign itself is gender neutral but the corresponding lip movement is still he, him, she, her, etc.


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Butterfly88
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25 Jul 2017, 10:49 am

Raleigh wrote:
Maybe I should just kill myself and be done with it.

Please don't. Do you have a therapist you can talk to?



Raleigh
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25 Jul 2017, 4:45 pm

No, I was discharged from my MHP.


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Butterfly88
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26 Jul 2017, 6:12 pm

Raleigh wrote:
No, I was discharged from my MHP.

Oh. Personally if it was me I'd consider retrying some form of treatment.



Butterfly88
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11 Aug 2017, 2:18 pm

I'm becoming closer to an online acquaintance who is slightly homophobic. Maybe I should just drop the relationship now. Or should I just let it go since I'll never meet this person in real life and it's nice to have someone to talk to. I can't decide.



KagamineLen
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13 Aug 2017, 1:41 am

I am built like a big hairy bear, but all of the gay men I know IRL would rather have a twink. It is hard to wave my bear flag when bears do not congregate in my hometown as far as I can tell.

I am not a fan of the plastic person ideal in the mainstream gay community. I want a guy who looks like an average person, not the guys who get airbrushed on the way home from the gym. And some of the nicest gay men I encountered are automatically dismissed by the community as either fat or fem. And the gay community has become ridiculously racist now that it has some semblance of mainstream acceptance.

Really. They fight for tolerance. But too many men in my community show a shocking lack of tolerance themselves. Too fat, too fem, not white, not straight-acting, trans, bi, pan, anything that is not glamorously WASP like is downplayed in the gay media, and that is very sad.



C2V
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13 Aug 2017, 5:48 am

^ I never envisioned you as a bear. Probably because of your avatar.
Too fem??? Isn't a twink who is too fem a contradiction in terms? Does a hypermasculine twink actually exist as a species? I look a bit like that, and gay men have never found that attractive as far as I've been concerned. Probably because of the atypical anatomy? I don't know.
Maybe you need a twink of your own, who's into his opposite?


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KagamineLen
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13 Aug 2017, 6:56 pm

C2V wrote:
^ I never envisioned you as a bear. Probably because of your avatar.
Too fem??? Isn't a twink who is too fem a contradiction in terms? Does a hypermasculine twink actually exist as a species? I look a bit like that, and gay men have never found that attractive as far as I've been concerned. Probably because of the atypical anatomy? I don't know.
Maybe you need a twink of your own, who's into his opposite?


Well, I am built like a bear, but most of my relationships have been with men who were more than double (a couple of times even triple) my age. I was very popular with chickenhawks when I was a teenager. Only recently have I started to try to connect with guys who are in my own age group. There was something about all of those earlier relationships that fed into my toxic insecurities. Hell, even my avatar is a reflection of that, so what can I say?