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RobotsAreReal
Emu Egg
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Joined: 11 Apr 2017
Age: 26
Gender: Female
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11 Apr 2017, 11:31 am

I haven't really made any friends in person during the past 4-5 years and am not really sure how to do so. I just didn't really get along with anyone in high school; I had a couple casual acquaintances for the first couple years, but didn't regularly talk to anyone other than my teachers during the following two years. I don't share interests with most people my age, so I really don't know how to start conversations or keep people interested.

I am now a first year college student (I live on campus), and it's just that much easier to slip into the cracks here socially and avoid any social contact. I want to talk with people and make friends, but I don't know how. Most clubs I've attended already have close-knit groups of friends and most social events of any kind just involve students getting drunk when I don't drink at all and am not comfortable being around alcohol. I haven't been to any actual parties though since I just do not like the idea of college parties at all (tightly packed spaces with loud music and alcohol does not sound like something I want to participate in). Since I'm a freshman, most of my classes are lecture courses, so it isn't really possible to talk to anyone there and I've never been able to stay in contact with anyone in smaller seminar classes I've taken so far.

The problem is, I don't really know how to reach out to people and don't have many common interests with others. I really like robots, but most people are only interested in hearing about them for a couple minutes at most and expect me to have more to talk about, but I don't really know of much and am usually grasping at straws to find more conversational material. Multiple people have had friendly conversations with me on occasion, but I've never been able to stay in contact with anyone or form a friendship.

Any tips?



electricsaygeo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: 12 Nov 2015
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11 Apr 2017, 3:40 pm

I feel kinda the same about that. I am in my first year of university and I felt so lonely and isolated that I don't even go in anymore (maybe show up for 1 lecture a week but I'm skipping all the exams and don't care if I get kicked out). I'm starting again at a different uni in September and I'm going to live in at halls of residence this time so, with luck, I'll make some good friends.

I did turn my back on my old friends due to being jealous of how they're doing better than me at their own universities :p


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age: 19 (as of 2017)


AquaineBay
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Joined: 6 Apr 2017
Age: 30
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21 Apr 2017, 11:47 pm

Hello! I'm in a similar situation myself. Though I'm not in college, when I go anywhere, if someone who's talkative talks to me I really don't have much to say outside of what I'm interested in.

When I was in high school I had no friends, most of them was acquaintances. I was such an awesome ninja that I was invisible even when I was right in front of you!

I would like advice on making friends too. It sucks when you ask someone for advice (well for me) because I usually get 1 of these 3 answers.

1:"Just get out of your comfort zone!"

2:"You just gotta go out and meet people!"

3:"As you go out more you'll get over your shyness!"

Don't know if any of those help you, good if they do, but I really wish I would stop getting these rather vague responses as they don't actually help me. I honestly think it's something with social skills in general.



Scheimaa
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: 9 Aug 2016
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26 Apr 2017, 7:21 pm

okay i will tell you who i managed to find friends in uni

when i search for friends i call it friends hunting - because having friends in uni can be a very useful thing -
first i observe people and try to find someone interesting, when i find someone who looks nice - that takes time - i will ask him when i need something like information in class or something, then when we get familiar with each other, i ask him for his facebook, i will talk with him, and then it will be easy to say hi and invite him to a walk or something.
i did this hunting tow times, the first time the target girl became my friend, the second time the target had a friend and introduced her to me to help on some uni work and she became my friend instead i really liked her.

there is another way, talking with people about your special interest until you find someone who shares it with you, then take their facebook and phone number. - i find a friend who liked japan this way -

you can also try to hang out with some people until you find a group or someone whom you feel comfortable with.
you can even try clubs again as long as the club activity is something you enjoy you maybe you can eventually feel comfortable around them and they will accept you.

finding friends took me like half a year if not longer, i need like a month to recognize my colleagues :lol:
but in the end i am not lonely, to be honest i spend a lot of time alone in uni, and usually don't tag along when they go some where, but when i want to be around people i know i go to them, i can ask them to help me if i need a help or ask about information.
just when you find someone interesting and he also seems interested in you try talking with him and invite him to a meal or a cup of tea or anything you enjoy so that you can make your friendship deeper i guess.

anyway, i hope you make good friends, it can take time, but think about it and you might find a way like i did.



specialsauce
Snowy Owl
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28 Apr 2017, 6:20 pm

If your college has some kind of robotics club or course or project then thats where you want to be. If not then maybe you could set one up... typically they have teams of people build a robot, it could be a battle robot for a TV game show, or something more meaningful, but you would work with your team and become friends by doing something you enjoy together. This is exactly the kind of project that I would think college's are designed to encourage, but I guess the reality can be different.

If a class or lecture ends don't rush out, hang around and see who else is leaving on their own then strike up a conversation with someone. I think this is a common autism problem to rush around but I don't know if it's something you do. Make more of a habit of moving slowly and observing people and not being the first to leave. If someone smiles at you and they look friendly like they want to talk but you are already half way out the door, then it's awkward to stop and change direction. But if you are both standing there and smiling then one of you can say hi. It's also possible that people will think you are antisocial if they notice you leaving promptly every time.

Just look around the room and make eye contact with a few people and if someone seems friendly then you have to be decisive and speak. I call it the killer instinct. You can't look at them then spend a minute deciding how you are going to say hi, because you will creep people out.

Life is kind of a fickle mix of good and bad interactions. Sometimes you might try speaking to someone who doesn't want to talk to you at all, and that's going to suck for about 30 seconds, but if you don't talk to anyone then you will find out that sucks more.



VIDEODROME
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28 Apr 2017, 7:06 pm

For tech minded people, it might help to find a Maker Space or start one. If starting a new club seems daunting, usually colleges have an activities organization that promotes groups or helps get them started or try Meetup.com.

A Maker Space is a club that find a space or building than either starts a specific project or just makes it an open resource room for people to show up as individuals or groups to collaborate.



sydthekid
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Joined: 8 May 2017
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09 May 2017, 8:44 am

I have the same problem and pretty much the same questions even though I'm not in college. I'm an identical twin and that has been my saving grace until more recent years. Her friends were my "friends". She dragged me to go out and socialize more than I otherwise would and even picked out my clothes. As we've become far more independent with goals and pursuits outside of each other, my cluelessness on how to make friends and awkwardness have been more apparent and difficult to hide. I'm really into ministry/theology and I find it hard to find other things to talk about. Even when I went to seminary, though There were lots of people around to who also loved ministry and theology I struggled a lot. I had lots of acquaintances and people I knew, but struggled greatly to make friends. I haven't been diagnosed but I will get assessed at the end of June.



Summer_Twilight
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09 May 2017, 11:57 am

A few things to note:

1. That is really good that you aren't interested in parties because they will distract you from your classes.
2. Robotics sounds like a really cool hobby and perhaps could turn into an engineering career for you. I would find a robotics and a physics clubs as most of those include building things. There you could learn to build robots and share your work with others who are just as passionate as you are.
3. Keep showing up at the same club where the same people will be as there will be people who want to talk about robotics.
4. Work on your social skills for interviews so you can get into internships and jobs on campus along with learning to build up a portfolio of your crafts - Look up what an elevator speech is and make business cards.

Social skills:
1. When mingling at these groups, just go up to a group and stand there until they take notice of you.
"Hello, I am XYZ, and I wanted to know if it would be okay to join your conversation." Let them introduce themselves to you." Ask about their interests, what their majors are" when you first meet them.