Autism or Trauma?

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My son is 9 1/2. At 7, he was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. His father has always been against medication or holistic treatments.

I have thought he has Aspergers since he was a toddler. He has severe sensory issues—smells, touch, sounds, taste, texture. Grooming him has always been a battle. Feeding him is such a challenge that we have given up and let him eat crackers and dry cereal. He has been underweight since he was born. He still won't poop on the potty. He recently had 3 teeth pulled due to cavities (we found a fabulous dentist who helps kids with sensory issues). Getting him to bathe or cut his toenails can be such a battle.

I have been expressing concerns his entire life, and have been told that he is just at the tail end of normal, on his own timeline, he'll do XYZ when he is ready, he's anxious because you are anxious, just relax. Etc. I have taken him to many different "experts" and his father (who I am now divorced from) never backed me up. Now dad is suddenly in charge of his health, and found new "experts" and it looks like he will finally get the help he needs with in-home therapy funded by the state.

I finally got to meet his therapist yesterday, who told me that she feels she should report me to CPS for abuse and neglect. She said in therapy he often "disassociates" in a manner consistent with severe abuse. But then said that this is also a typical reaction for people with autism. Is that true? Where can I find more to support that theory?

To my knowledge, my son has never been abused. It breaks my heart to think that someone may have hurt him or that my behavior in trying to get him to do the things he needs to do (like bathe, brush teeth, eat real food, sit on the potty, clean his ears, or hold him down to get an enema, or shots or blood work) crossed the line into abuse.

Over the past year or so, I have really changed the way I approach things with him (based on the Asperger Experts techniques) and I now have him brushing teeth 2x a day, sleeping in his own bed every night, bathing 2x a week. Our morning goal is to get to school on time without either one of us raising our voice. After all the progress he and I have made, it was a real kick in the gut to be accused of abusing and neglecting him.

Any idea where I can find more information about how this apparent "trauma" response may actually be a sign of autism?

I'm sorry that you have to deal with a situation like this. The proof of your theory may well lie in an official autism diagnosis. Since I don't know if the psychologist would believe much else. It is natural for people on the spectrum to react very differently e.g. Not answering emotional questions, only talking about things they enjoy and not about other things etc. These types of behaviors may make the psychologist suspect something that's not really there. Good luck!

Omg, this is so shocking. I can't believe she would say that to you, let alone think it. What qualifications does she have anyways? You have been doing the best you can with what you have. It is not easy raising kids, let alone kids with some extra issues. Like the other poster said, I would get him re-evaluated for autism. Best of luck.

Did she report you to CPS, or did she just tell you that she "should" report you to CPS?

b/c i ain't no mandated reporter. and i don't work for CPS. (fine)

but, it sounds kind of peculiar, of the only reason she cited was that your son dissociates in a way that abused children dissociate.

in my amateur, inexperienced, uneducated opinion. if she were to have reported you to CPS, i find it hard to imagine that CPS would have taken action against you, based on one sign.

having said that, of course. CPS has responded to plenty of situations. certainly, in some situations, CPS did not do what it should have done. in some situations, CPS did what it should not have done.

in any event, however, i think it's a dealbreaker. you need to get a different therapist. besides, what if the therapist did not call CPS yet? what stops the therapist from doing so three weeks later?

the therapist has already telegraphed her thoughts to you. that should put you on high alert. you need to dump the therapist.

get your child a diagnosis from another professional. autism, schizophrenia. something. get your child to a professional you feel you can trust. that way, if someone reports you to CPS, at least you have some sort of official documentation to refute the claim.

Definitely find a new therapist who specializes in autism, but communicate in writing with your current therapist (I think email will do) about why you are doing so, and that you intend to continue therapy elsewhere.

I'm concerned that she might find your disappearing to be an admission of guilt, and that CPS might agree with her.

Autistic zoning out is totally acknowledged and part of being autistic. Any expert at all will tell you this. It's a central trait. We call it a "shutdown." This is in contrast to a "meltdown" which is more external and often involves crying and making a scene. When you see children on training videos staring into space and not interacting with the world at all, this is what they are doing. They are shutting out the world and staying only in their own world.

I'm going to go ahead and make a generalization here and say that all autistic people do it sometimes, in some form.

https://autismawarenesscentre.com/shutd ... ss-autism/

http://www.autismwestmidlands.org.uk/up ... utdown.pdf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WIiL8vBjq0

I really feel for you at this time. For your son, the normal things we do as good parents are like "abuse" to him - it's all down to his sensory issues. See if you can find a way to desensitize certain tasks - reduce too much sound for one, bright lights for another. Think about the five senses and try to come up with ways to reduce his discomfort. Not to scare you but sometimes people on the spectrum get abused because they don't recognize danger or they are not included in the protection of a crowd of kids. Many simply don't seek the safety of others due to rejection or just because they are not interested in being part of a group. I remember, as a kid, my grandmother having hearing sensitivity. Now, I can appreciate her comment about my violin playing being an "agony" to her. Now, I understand.
I thought she was just being mean. I didn't play badly - I got awards at school. To her, it was hell.

Definitely pursue diagnosis, and try to find evidence of your earlier expressed concerns.

Just trying to live life in a normal setting was traumatic for my son. Perhaps that is why we, as parents, can feel so strongly something is wrong when all everyone else sees is "normal." We know our kid's pain.

I agree with the other posters here, and I'd like to add that I'm definitely concerned about the therapist. If she just met you, on what is she basing her judgement regarding your allegedly abusive/neglectful behavior? She very likely has an incomplete and inaccurate picture; she should know that and refuse to base any decisions/actions on it!

There are all kinds of therapists out there, with varying kinds of qualifications, approaches, knowledge, styles, and goals. While there doesn't have to be a perfect match to make desired progress, you do need to know exactly what you're dealing with. Based on what you've told us, I see some big red flags here.