My friend is dead.

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It's pretty sad hard to really know how to put it into words. I've known them for a few years but he's been kind of a drifter, hops trains and such. So whenever I've seen him it would be a few days at time when he's around the area, he was my brothers friend and had other friends in our circle. Well anyways sad day.

When I heard this morning, i went out tried to smoke a cigarette, it tasted gross cause I hadn't brushed my teeth yet...so I went an mechanically did that sat down for a while went out and finished the cigarette and then finally said to my brother 'sadness but no words for it.' But I literally didn't say a word the first 10 minutes except 'oh no' which was my initial response.

I know he will be sorely missed by those of us who were his friends...I just hope he's riding the death rails to Valhalla or something. Ha ha, he wouldn't want any of us to get too depressed over this but not sure he realized how much he'd be missed should he die.

I have a delayed reaction to news like that.
It's like my brain hits the 'hold' button and puts the information somewhere for future processing.
Sometimes it can be years later.
The danger is the grief is also intense, and everyone else has moved on and I miss out on that window of time when it was appropriate to express it to others, so in the past I've struggled through without anyone to help work out what the hell I'm feeling.
Don't know if I'm making sense there.
Or what I'm trying to say.

These unexpected deaths send us spinning into a state of shock and bewilderment. I'm glad you were his friend, Sweetleaf, because in one way or another he would have sensed that positivity of care that you have for him.

don't worry about your response--everyone has a unique grieving process.

It can take a while to process this type of shock, some people can have a delay in their emotional reaction... Take life gently even if you feel numb, the feelings are there even if they haven't surfaced yet. I am sorry that you have lost your friend.

I have another friend who is in jail, I don't really agree with the charges I don't think he did anything malicious..but I am not the law so yeah. But at least I know he is holding up ok, uhh just sucks having bad stuff happen to friends.

Yes, it does. My son lost his best friend at age 21, suddenly killed when he was fatally hit by a drunk driver speeding from police in a stolen car, and the shock and grief of that sudden brutal separation still affects him over 20 years later.

When a friend dies it really hits you, close in age and from your social circle.
My cousin and friend died a year ago, I still can't quite put it into words how it made me feel.

I'll raise a glass to your friend, play some metal and throw him the horns.

Alright now it's hitting me more, it sucks but I certainly do prefer to deal with the feelings sooner than later. Just going to listen to come cry inducing music and have a shot in his honor I would prefer rum but the only liquor around is vodka...haven't been able to cry about it yet, but I feel it could be coming on now, so kind of a relief.

And I figure from now on when I see a trains they will make me sad...

I don't understand what that must be like, but I hope you find all the comfort and solace you need to help you to deal with it.

take care of yourself sweetleaf,

thats all you can really do for your friend now.
cry when/if you need to but also acknowledge that your sadness is valid regardless of how you express it.

The truly crap bit when people you love die is when you've dealt with the initial shock, and you think you are handling it. Then some day you wake up in the morning and think of that person, or you hear something you know would interest that person, and you think I must remember to tell them about this and then you remember they are dead. I hate that s**t. People always expect others to get over things like that way too fast.

I have some people I really miss. In some cases, there is a certain acceptance because the person was old and ill and couldn't possibly be expected to live any longer. But when it happens to someone who ought to have a good few years in them, it's something else entirely.

Hope you are well, and that it's getting easier

Hi Sweetleaf you sound like the friend i never had. I did grow up knowing a few girls kinda like yourself they were never close friends though. Ive never had to go through what has happened in your life and it must suck. I have lost friends whom are still living that was hard enough 'as friendships come and go you know you just learn to let go and move on'

I hope your doing ok and going through the motions. Even us aspies do get affected.