so i can't talk about my first time; cw- sexual abuse

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Going into adolescence was really weird for me. Everyone else started talking about their new sexual experiences, and I sat quiet because I couldn't talk about my first time doing stuff like that. My first time doing those things wasn't desired. My first time doing those things, I was 9 years old. On the bright side, I just ordered a long tutu.

me either. what i did is feigned innocence and mentioned my consensual sexual experiences as they came up later.

tutus are awesome
what color is it?

If you want to have those kinds of conversations, you can say "the first time I decided to have sex" and talk about that instead if/when you ever decide to have sex.

Sorry to hear about that; it sounds awful.

If it helps, just don't think of abuse as sexual. You have to make the decision to be sexually aroused, and at 9 years old, you aren't capable of that decision, so it's not your responsibility.