Struggling to Practice CBT

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So I have been doing some online CBT (prescribed through the NHS) and it is useful but I really struggle to practice the skills I'm learning.

There's this whole process I'm required to do to challenge my negative thoughts and it's so complex and mentally exhausting to do. There's a whole bunch of steps and I find myself spending an inordinate amount of time doing spider diagrams challenging one negative thought even though I have quite a few throughout the day. Sometimes it actually makes my rumination worse and I know that's possibly because I didn't follow the steps properly. I just find the whole thing emotionally draining as well and it has led me to give up on the thought analysis altogether. Needless to say, I'm still struggling to manage my emotions.

I guess I should discuss this with my OT soon. I'm not knocking CBT but I often find that my emotions are too volatile for me to properly reflect on my mindset. I know I can and possibly do benefit from it but right now I just feel like I'm doing it wrong.

I am aware that sometimes resistance in therapy can paradoxically be a sign of progress. Something to do with cognitive dissonance and resolving that by creating a new narrative, etc. So I guess I should be reassured by this. I dunno, I just want to know if others have been through the same.

Hey I just wanna say I really feel your frustration! I've been tossed around the mental health system and seem numerous people, even recently, who seem to understand when I explain my very difficult brain to them, but they always end up trying to sell me the miracle solution of CBT. At this point I usually sigh with great disappointment because it has NEVER WORKED for me.

I understand how it works in theory but my brain is completely immune to its charms. One problem is my brain always has archives of evidence for the negative schemas and refuses to be convinced by me trying to force a positive counter-thought. I really have tried multiple times over the years and it just leaves me frustrated and in pain from dragging up stuff.
I saw in one psychologists office a book called cbt for aspergers which makes me think it usually does require a more nuanced approach for us types!

Similarly, to try to combat my panic issues I recently tried audio guided meditation a couple of times. Becoming yet more introspected and analytical of the frightening sensations in my own body led me to an accelerated panic attack and I required a sedative both times. CBT and meditation are both renowned for their effectiveness and made me worse.

The trouble in my opinion is that these GPS and therapists, etc listen to our words but assume we are exaggerating because they dont understand our thought patterns first hand. They can't grasp how obsessively layered in neurosis and out of our control an aspie brain can be.

The only way I've found useful to combat my inner torment is to escape myself as often as needed, via video games, projects and interests.

swashyrose - CBT for Aspergers? I should have a look for that book. I also have ADHD and I have found out that emotional dysregulation is supposed to be one of the core deficits of ADHD despite what the DSM says. All the research seems to point towards emotional dysregulation being caused by executive dysfunction in ADHD and presumably other disorders so I think you really hit the nail on the head. I have to take into account that my ASD and ADHD can exaggerate my emotional states and that conventional methods aren't going to work for me. My occupational therapist said something about making a bespoke treatment plan for me which I think is following that line of logic. I'm going to do some of my own research on this and think of some ideas for coping strategies.

androbot01 - Well I suppose the fact that I am struggling to do the CBT is a sign that I might benefit from a change in technique. CBT is often precribed as a one size fits all treatment and like swashyrose mentioned, comorbidity requires a nuanced approach which most of the time is difficult to come by. Not many therapists specialise in something so niche as affective disorders in people with autism.

I find CBT extremely useful for anxiety disorders like SA or OCD because most of the time I know my anxiety is irrational and the thoughts are much easier to challenge and believe.

For depression, the only part of CBT I find useful are the acknowledging the positives, and not jumping to conculsions/fortune telling specifically in a situation where I have little past experience in which to base my future expectations on. Acknowledging the positives when they do come while acknowledging the negatives in life helps my life look less bleak and feel less overwhelmed. Like I struggle with mulitple chronic illnesses and acknowledging when I am having a good day, when some symptom isn't as bad at a certain time, when something happens to actually work out for once in my life and go right, to acknowledge it and not follow up a positive thought with "but..." replacing it instead with "and..." as the word "but" essentially invalidates everything that came before it. Acknowledging situations and events which I feel neutral, not strongly one way or the other helps in the same way. It helps you break the never ending pattern of negative thoughts in your news feed going on inside your head and may even help you to see in shades of grey rather than black and white all-or-nothing thinking.

I worked with a CBT therapist a couple years ago who just plain told me that my thoughts relating to depression were mostly not distorted, that I had legitimate, rational reasons to feel sad, angry and depressed, that CBT wouldn't be the best fit for me in terms of depression, instead DBT or ACT would work better.