Newly Diagnosed

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Hi everyone, My name is Leslie and I am the mother of a wonderful 10 year old daughter who was diagnosed with ASD yesterday. She would be more Asperger's type per the psychologist who diagnosed her, however i understand this is no longer a diagnosis. I am so confused about the whole situation. Where do we go from here? I feel like we have this answer to what's been going on, but still no answers. Do i continue doing what i am doing? Should i be engaging her more? She is very active plays fast pitch softball, takes tumbling, and loves musical.ly (yes she does have a hard time with both sports but we dont give up). I feel like maybe things should be drastically different but i dont know what i should do. Should i tell everyone? (that makes me nervous that people will look at her differently) or should i wait till we know more about it and can explain it better? Yes, I am a fixer if you cant tell. I am the typical nurse/mom and have an innate need to make everything better. Thanks guys sorry if this is all over the place and at little spastic i just feel very lost and alone in this.

You don't really need to change anything that you have been doing. Treating kids with autism differently after they are diagnosed can make them feel alienated. Unless you start noticing major problems with her behavior you shouldn't worry about it

The first thing to do is calm down and resist the urge to "fix" it. While the weaknesses are the reason people seek diagnosis, there are also strengths, and some things that look like weaknesses are just differences that are difficult to reconcile with how the NT world works.

I am not of the feeling that an announcement needs to be made to the world-at-large. There may be people who need to know, and some who it would be helpful to have know, but not sure why it would be announced to everyone. In addition the information is really your daughter's and as such, really in most cases is hers to share or not. That said, I really am on the side of not emphasizing labels. whereas other people have a different approach, and find it helpful.

The other thing is to think about the reasons why you sought diagnosis and go from there. Nothing about your daughter has changed from before she was diagnosed. The main thing about the diagnosis is that you have an idea of where to start with regard to the things that are issues. Autism is a spectrum of different things and while there are things that commonly work for whatever the "average" autistic child is supposed to be, it really is going to be an individualized journey based on her own skill-set.

So, if you have specific concerns that you want suggestions for that may be the best place to start.

(Just as a disclaimer, many of the parents here are on the spectrum or have spectrum traits and there are also non-parents who will post as well. Other forums are probably bigger on emotive language and "hugs" and other things, and the absence of that here should not be misconstrued as a lack of empathy. We tend on average to be more direct and pragmatic and less expressive in emotive content, although there will be exceptions to this as well.)

Hello and welcome! My two cents is if your daughter is doing and functioning well, then all the diagnosis gives you is extra information to understand your daughter. On the other hand if she is having specific issues, you can address those. My child was diagnosed much younger than yours (preschool) and at the time struggled on a variety of levels. We did occupational therapy, speech therapy, etc. Once she started to function better at school we pretty much just let her do her own thing, develop on her own. Elementary years went by with no issues so we didn't really "do" anything. However, the awareness of her diagnosis both by her and us helped us to understand and support her better.

As a teen in high school she continues on with no real therapy or interventions related to the ASD diagnosis. She has sought help for anxiety issues which arose during high school. For us, knowing her diagnosis just helps us understand her better and accept her choices about things. I'm not sure if my response is helpful or not. I just wanted to reassure you there's no particular roadmap or list of things to do when you get a diagnosis. Read up on girls and ASD. I find coming and reading here helpful too. Over time what your daughter needs and the ways you want to support her may change. There's no one "right" way to do things. It depends on the child and their needs which shift over time. Best of luck!

Editing to add: My daughter chooses not to disclose her diagnosis. It's totally her decision and we respect that. A few family members were told when she was a child but that was it. Again, depends on the situation, child, etc.

Thanks for this post, and thank ASDmommyASDkid for such a helpful reply. I'm in a similar situation, with a kid-in-testing who may very well be diagnosed with ASD of some kind, and as an ASD parent. We're both new to this, and as a solo parent life gets...trying. Just got back from a kid birthday party where there were quite a few surprises and one very "aspie" meltdown. (I don't know if I'm using the language right, but am a newbie so please be patient and teach as you're willing.) My overwhelming feeling was recognition and compassion for my kid, and for the birthday girl who was coping OK, but also confused by her friend's response.

Any advice for handling situations like these is most welcome. Peace and strength.

I know this is probably overwhelming for you, but I also think this is a wonderful opportunity for you to understand the daughter you love even better. Everything you knew about her pre-diagnosis is still true today! Everything you love about her is still true! And now you know a new "fact" about her, that may help you to understand her inner experience better.

With your new understanding, there are so many small ways you can help make her life better.

Take this with a huge helping of salt: my personal theory is that ASD stems first and foremost from being very very sensitive (despite any and all external signs to the contrary). This modern world is terrifying, chaotic, loud, and machine-like. I personally suspect that many/most classic ASD "behaviors" stem more or less from PTSD experienced by those who have very sensitive nervous systems. With that in mind, one very simple thing you can help with is to help recognize early overwhelming experiences (loud places, etc), and help guide your daughter through them. Just making her feel like she's ok the way she is, that being sensitive is terrifying in the modern world, but it is a beautiful thing.... this could really help.