Possible Failure Looming

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I'm working on this online course. Medical transcription editing. I have just purchased a 2nd extension. Of course the school is happy to take my money. I am determined to finish. My new completion date is November 22. I continue to make progress with the material, but "Who new medical language was so hard?"

My circle of support seems to be of the mind that something is wrong and they are trying to determine what it is. The possibilities so far are that the program is too difficult for the average person to compete in the initial allotted time. (So that they can receive more money.) Or, that I am less than average.

I have been fighting my corner. Even defending against the possible charge of deliberately avoiding completion, which we agreed was not the case.

The looming conclusion is that I might be a bit of an idiot. When I look back at my school career I recall that I always struggled to keep up with the class, and worked on the material compulsively to keep up with my peers.

Anyway, I am worried that I have taken on more than I can handle. The word variations are endless and the speech of the dictators sometimes unintelligible. I know I can finish, but I am worried that I will get into the workforce and fail (again.)

I am trying to turn around my thinking ... that even if I cannot get the work I initially anticipated, I still have a great skill. I have already learned an incredible amount. I just worry that my brain is going to explode.

I'll be honest your mind sounds like it is really clogged because your so negative. It is a feature of being depressed I find. But you are you certainly not stupid.

But let's examine it, you were able to get into university, I talk to you somewhat frequently and when I do you often have much to offer on topics like politics.

Thank you.

I think you are right about my negativity. I think I am a bit paranoid as well. I am seeing my psychiatrist on Monday and am hoping she does something for the depression that I think is causing these symptoms.

She asked me to bring my Mom to the appointment and Mom agreed, so she is coming with me. I am really really not looking forward to this. My Mom and I have a bit of a strained relationship, more so right now because we are living together.

I have been a little busy of late.

Hope that goes well for you. It will be difficult I imagine having two people you find it hard to deal with together in a room. I hope that some kind of understanding can be achieved from this by meeting half way but then again that is wishful thinking. When you talk about your mum, my grandmother springs to mind. You know recently she hung up on my dad. And interactions often involve her getting erratic and screaming. Things just get crazy.

I know I have said this before but I actually think I really respect what you are doing now. You are showing allot of endurance. And I most certainly don't think everyone has it within them to do what you have done (my uncle basically lives in a steel container hoping to get rich), sometimes people have their circumstances destroy them, but you are rising so high and it is great, I am just not sure if you see that now. I think that after this is all done, you might have a sort of new confidence, sometimes changing circumstances can do that, at least from my experience.

It went okay. The doctor is very matter-of-fact and didn't upset me or Mom too much. She got a lot of information from my Mom and she seems to think that I have ASD with mood instability. She told me to stop taking Abilify and she increased the Seroquel dose.


We've been upgraded to a one-bedroom townhouse. It feels like a palace.


Well thanks. While I am continuing with my course, things around me are fairly calm at the moment. My anxiety is lessening as the environment becomes more familiar, so my concentration is getting better.

Sorry to hear that things are strained between your Dad and his Mom. Why did your Grandmother hand up on him?

I hope the Seroquel works for you.

Okay so my grandmother. She has allot of issues, the way my dad describes it very emotional, detached and irrational. When my dad was young, he recalls her screaming at him, telling him he is psychologically f****d on numerous occasions. From what I hear she has a very short temper and is prone to lashing out against family members. Two Christmases ago, she screamed openly in front of the table about how my autistic uncle(He was their too) was destroying himself with alcohol. Quite humiliating really.

Now she hung up, because the two haven't been getting on lately. something about her wanting to get shopping and my dad not being able to provide it. Sometimes people just can't be changed, my dad has come to accept it.

What about you?

I'm working on this online course. Medical transcription editing. I have just purchased a 2nd extension. Of course the school is happy to take my money. I am determined to finish. My new completion date is November 22. I continue to make progress with the material, but "Who new medical language was so hard?"

My circle of support seems to be of the mind that something is wrong and they are trying to determine what it is.

what "circle of support"? friends, family?

you need to get tested for a learning disability. see if your insurance will pay for it. if not, go to one in private practice.

The possibilities so far are that the program is too difficult for the average person to compete in the initial allotted time. (So that they can receive more money.) Or, that I am less than average.

by definition, half of people are below average.

besides, medical transcription editing skills do not determine your retail value. medical transcription editing skills do not determine your IQ score.

some people are better than some things than others.

look up "seven intelligences." maybe you could contract the instructor or get a tutor or something. work on a different way to learn.

if you do not want to do that, or can't do that, or it costs too much $$, then get another job skill.

plenty of jobs do not involve medical transcription editing.



I have been fighting my corner. Even defending against the possible charge of deliberately avoiding completion, which we agreed was not the case.

who is "we"?


The looming conclusion is that I might be a bit of an idiot.



When I look back at my school career I recall that I always struggled to keep up with the class, and worked on the material compulsively to keep up with my peers.



Anyway, I am worried that I have taken on more than I can handle. The word variations are endless and the speech of the dictators sometimes unintelligible. I know I can finish, but I am worried that I will get into the workforce and fail (again.)

I am trying to turn around my thinking ... that even if I cannot get the work I initially anticipated, I still have a great skill. I have already learned an incredible amount. I just worry that my brain is going to explode.

by the way go to psychotherapy if you feel your "brain is going to explode".

My mother and her mother had a toxic relationship. We used to visit my grandparents every Saturday and every Saturday my Mom and my Grandma would end up in a screaming match and they would both be in tears. It was horrible.


My mother and my friend.


I have a very methodical, almost compulsive style of learning. It works well for me, but it takes time. I know I have been learning the material, so I will continue as long as I can.

Sorry to hear about that.

It is for that reason that my dad can't really talk about these kinds of stuff with his mother. According to him, his mother simply could not handle it and would burst into tears.

I'll be honest. You might not like this characterization but I often feel as though people like you are kind of part of a lost generation of autistic people you didn't have the support you needed and as a result you are still struggling immensely, I see that in you and people like Auntblubby and my uncle. And then for you so many risk factors put you where you are now. It must take allot to go through all of that.