UNDERSTANDING INTIMACY

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Do I trust women nope is that gonna change nope

Glad u no longer think of your relationship as infatuation. Didn't u name it one-way intimacy? Seems like one of the worst feelings for u involve the difficulty from misunderstood talk. Aspie style communication is real for my aspie friends, but not one of my spectrum traits. I'm strangely the opposite. And that style is sometimes the cause for anguish as they f-up conversations. Is that true for you?

Anyway, stick around because we should get to stuff useful to you--in a few months--after we get settled on the HAE in all close, personal relationships, romantic or platonic. I've got some tips that can make your flooding more constructive in taming unwanted obsessions.

Futuresoldier,
Glad u no longer think of your relationship as infatuation. Didn't u name it one-way intimacy? Seems like one of the worst feelings for u involve the difficulty from misunderstood talk. Aspie style communication is real for my aspie friends, but not one of my spectrum traits. I'm strangely the opposite. And that style is sometimes the cause for anguish as they f-up conversations. Is that true for you?

Anyway, stick around because we should get to stuff useful to you--in a few months--after we get settled on the HAE in all close, personal relationships, romantic or platonic. I've got some tips that can make your flooding more constructive in taming unwanted obsessions.

I don't know what you mean about unwanted obsessions

Sorry, I screwed up. Message was for futuresoldier.

"...unwanted obsessions" are the ones that are bothersome and relentless. Not the pleasant and useful ones.

Oh okay

I'm from Michigan originally

Now the plot thickens, Mr. rdos. Your first response/critique to my initiation of this thread was tough, cogent, and correct. Your style felt like a dispassionate academic with the intention to help, to improve this thread. And that's what happened.

Now I learn you actually are an academic with a mind for human connection, and an intention to make life a bit better for WP members. Terrific. That makes you a collaborator able to unravel confusions about those, uh, incomplete interpersonal attachments that some call Infatuation. A familiar experience for ND folks.

Now I'll be super careful when discussing infatuation. The definition need for infatuation should be similar to Intimacy as an abused term. My guess is that it's common connotation is narrow---maybe like temporary love. Have you any guesses?

The paradox for me is that defining terms is needed to reduce frustration, but discussing the problem
will bore posters who are here to get tools for making intimacy work. Unfortunately, some seek instant relief. I've learned that desperation swallows cheap advice.


I will dig into your work next weekend --especially the infatuation/ attachment dynamic.

My lifetime struggle has been translating my work into paragraphs useful to the public. You may struggle less than I. My guess is you have been successful in keeping jargon out of your posts. I'm trying, but need the kind of help you haven given me so far.

Please consider continuing your support for empowering members to reduce scatter in their search for intimacy on WP. My hope is to enhance this thread with some familiar terms we can agree to use when posting. Common language here would reduce talking past each other. That's why I suggest HAE as a simple formula that anyone can use to understand intimacy. But honesty, acceptance, and empathy are conditions that have several meanings in everyday language. Our realistic definitions need about one paragraph each. Dictionary definitions are simply inadequate for our purposes.

Communication breakdown is a costly byproduct of the good stuff people get from WP.

If u could look into the descriptions/definitions I will post, and offer more constructive support--it should help this effort. Thanks a lot, rdos.

Unwanted1forever;

I'm also from Michigan---where the low, fast moving thick clouds are like nothing else in the country.
Please take another look at the intimacy definitions .

I avoid using both the heavy terminology & standardized personality or IQ tests of any kind in relationships because I know there are many people who invariably fall outside all established definitions. No amount of professional detachment or lofty clinical intentions alleviates ignorance so I'll skip to my summary; the worst piece of advice I ever desperately swallowed was to categorize people. Own this too; none of us are smart enough to always know anyone's mind. I make concerted efforts to look past neurotypes because they're just people. To me it's something to be experienced without experimental blinders because if anybody behaved the way online sociological research personas do, we'd all be alone. I am absolutely not telling you about my kind of intimacy, thanks.

@colina: You're actually the first social scientist here I've found honestly agreeable. The rest have been peevishly defensive of their hypotheses.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Is this for your thesis OP?

Are u trying to get us to think that using "odd" requires thought about deviating from a central tendency--a norm? Like odd from what?

Hope u get some thoughtful answers.

Thinking into the way we bundle people into categories gets me to see the impossibility of organizing humans beyond gender or height etc.--if we need the precision used in low level physics, math etc, (Hi level science is less precise, full of uncertainty like the most difficult science--psychology).
On the other hand, the wonderful hope of discarding stereotypes is another impossibility; our brains are hard-wired to create interpretations of others to run or stay , sometimes by the minute, and almost always when meeting someone new.
For me, the answer to questions about "odd", outlying, deviant, irregular, can be found by exploring our human need for Interpretation (our tendency to create meaning to organize stuff into groups, into safe and dangerous categories/ labels--especially of our fellow humans).

Thank you for the important question---a key question for the mental health of aspies. Unfortunately it's not asked enough on this site. It's an odd question.

Here's a light,playful interpersonal definition of Interpretation:
"Interpretations. Personified, these are kind of like doctors, lawyers or news analysts-they try to deliver diagnoses or link
cause-and-effect or classify. At best, they bring meaning to confusion; at worst, they hopelessly botch up relationships"

Seriously, interpretations are our continuous, 2nd nature, need to Create Meaning. That means we will continue to classify---to think of norms and deviations, and categories and labeling each other as "odd". I find pleasure in being odd---not being a proper member of our larger society.