Ladies, what qualities do you look for in a guy?

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Shaggyfromscoobydoo
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04 May 2017, 12:57 pm

What qualities do you look for in a guy?

Are there any qualities of people with autism that would be considered positive when dating?

What are the negative qualities of autism when it comes to dating?

Is the ability to flirt a deal breaker or can you accept someone even if they're bad at it?

What should us autistic guys do to make ourselves more appealing?



seaweed
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06 May 2017, 3:48 am

What qualities do you look for in a guy?
first--intelligent, passionate about his interests, confident in his abilities but not unable to own his weaknesses, some kind of moderately active, humble, unique.
then--what lagoona blue said!! someone who clicks.

Are there any qualities of people with autism that would be considered positive when dating?
if someone is especially skilled at a certain thing or things, say for example, woodworking, and geeks out about it a lot, i find that to be pants droppingly attractive :shrug:

also, subtlety may be lost on us but i appreciate the way autistic people don't usually play games.

keep in mind this is coming from an autistic girl's perspective.

What are the negative qualities of autism when it comes to dating?
communication.
sometimes, rigid expectations.

Is the ability to flirt a deal breaker or can you accept someone even if they're bad at it?
what is flirting :D

i actually think i do have my own weird way of flirting but few people get it. works for me!

What should us autistic guys do to make ourselves more appealing?
be your awesome selves



NorthWind
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06 May 2017, 5:03 am

What qualities do you look for in a guy?
somewhat introverted; has a sense of humour; interests he is passionate about, but not so much he's always hyper-focused on them and cares about little else; healthy self-esteem - not the boastful confident type, but the kind of confidence where he knows what he is good at, what he is not good at and knows that it is all right because no one is perfect; neither extremely ambitious nor extremely unambitious; not judgemental

Are there any qualities of people with autism that would be considered positive when dating?
That depends a lot on what symptoms he specifically has and who he is dating. If he has similar enough interests to her the way he thinks deeply about them could be positive, or if he has interests that are useful that'd be positive too. If the person he's dating is introverted, they could have things in common because they're both not the extremely social type.
If she's autistic too, a positive thing would be that he is more likely to know what autism is and to understand her issues.

What are the negative qualities of autism when it comes to dating?
Depends a lot on the exact symptoms.
If they're too hyper-focused on their interests they won't even pretend to care about their partner or the things the other person likes. If they have frequent meltdowns that'd be stressful for the other person and they might feel less save or less free to express how they themselves feel. A too severe lack of understanding the other persons point of view would make a relationship feel one-sided. A complete inability to cope with change would also get frustrating because it's unavoidable and makes being equals in a relationship difficult and might feel for the other person like mothering/fathering their partner.
Finally, inability to read subtle cues makes it difficult to realize if someone else is interested in you and to make the starting relationship progress naturally.

Is the ability to flirt a deal breaker or can you accept someone even if they're bad at it?
Inability to flirt, no. If it comes with an inability to understand humour or to understand that not everything is always serious and meant literal, then probably yes.

What should us autistic guys do to make ourselves more appealing?
That's highly individual. If you have symptoms that make relationships difficult, work on them, I guess. Otherwise the same things would apply that apply to everyone else. But either way, you need to be yourself. People can try to improve themselves if it is what they want but trying to be someone else you don't even like because you think that's what potential partners look for, is not healthy.



Jacoby
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07 May 2017, 10:24 am

NorthWind wrote:

What should us autistic guys do to make ourselves more appealing?
That's highly individual. If you have symptoms that make relationships difficult, work on them, I guess. Otherwise the same things would apply that apply to everyone else. But either way, you need to be yourself. People can try to improve themselves if it is what they want but trying to be someone else you don't even like because you think that's what potential partners look for, is not healthy.


Neither is being alone tho, sometimes you have to change or else no one will accept you unfortunately.



cberg
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08 May 2017, 8:34 pm

Weren't OP's questions for women? I don't think a billion in a row would reject you on that basis anyway & there are plenty more than that.


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Shaggyfromscoobydoo
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21 May 2017, 9:31 am

Thank you to everyone who replied! Are there any other women interested in answering?