Perfectionism/OCD

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Does anyone here struggle with perfectionism? I do and it is really agonizing. Whenever something is out of place I feel the urge to fix it. Whenever there is a stain on something, I have to get rid of it. If I can't get rid of a stain, then I get very frustrated and distressed. There have been times where I have made a stain worse when I tried getting rid of it. Even small stains can bother me. I hate having OCD. I understand that we live in an imperfect world and that things get stains or can be out of place at times, but my brain just won't seem to accept it. I can notice certain things before someone else can. I didn't struggle with OCD and perfectionism that much until I was 19. I spilled some super glue on my computer desk and it created a big stain. It was bothering me so much, that I would spend hours trying to remove it. I ended up making it worse. It bothered me so much that I spent money on a lot of different paints to try to match the color of my computer desk. Ever since that incident, I have struggled with other instances like that. I get bothered by stains on clothes, on toys, and other things, especially if it is something really important to me. I have spent so much money on paints and stain removers to try and get rid of stains. Some of the times I have been successful, and other times I have not. I wish I didn't have to deal with this and be able to accept things the way they are. I have also struggled with intrusive thoughts of killing someone. OCD is a nightmare.

Does anyone here struggle with perfectionism? I do and it is really agonizing. Whenever something is out of place I feel the urge to fix it. Whenever there is a stain on something, I have to get rid of it. If I can't get rid of a stain, then I get very frustrated and distressed. There have been times where I have made a stain worse when I tried getting rid of it. Even small stains can bother me. I hate having OCD. I understand that we live in an imperfect world and that things get stains or can be out of place at times, but my brain just won't seem to accept it. I can notice certain things before someone else can. I didn't struggle with OCD and perfectionism that much until I was 19. I spilled some super glue on my computer desk and it created a big stain. It was bothering me so much, that I would spend hours trying to remove it. I ended up making it worse. It bothered me so much that I spent money on a lot of different paints to try to match the color of my computer desk. Ever since that incident, I have struggled with other instances like that. I get bothered by stains on clothes, on toys, and other things, especially if it is something really important to me. I have spent so much money on paints and stain removers to try and get rid of stains. Some of the times I have been successful, and other times I have not. I wish I didn't have to deal with this and be able to accept things the way they are. I have also struggled with intrusive thoughts of killing someone. OCD is a nightmare.

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"I have also struggled with intrusive thoughts of killing someone"

do not tell a mandated reporter. they will send you to 5150. one licensed clinical social worker asked me 3x in one hour, mandated reporter questions. a clinical psychologist dialed my phone number. when I answered he asked how I was doing. when I answered he asked if I was "safe". seriously. those little idiots act like they earn commission for every client they send to 5150.

"we live in an imperfect world and that things get stains or can be out of place at times"
indeed

actually, i feel peculiar about that. things (the world, my precious little "life") is so imperfect, and profoundly flawed, that no matter what i do, it will always stay that way.

and nothing i do is worth the energy it takes to do it. sometimes that is true, even when i am successful.

so i do not bother to do that much