Do you make snap judgements about people?

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Moccu
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06 May 2017, 2:14 am

I find that my initial impression of someone within the first minute(s) is pretty reliable, although I often give a chance to know more beneath the surface of my judgement, if I keep running into them and vise versa.


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Canary
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06 May 2017, 5:04 pm

I try not to, but there are situations where I trust my snap judgment. It's hard to tell what people's interests are at first. Maybe the old women at work are pretty open to current pop culture and don't only like things from their own time. But I 100% trust that if someone makes me uncomfortable, they're bad news. If something is wrong somewhere, I'll walk smack into it.



futuresoldier1944
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06 May 2017, 11:03 pm

Moccu wrote:
I find that my initial impression of someone within the first minute(s) is pretty reliable, although I often give a chance to know more beneath the surface of my judgement, if I keep running into them and vise versa.


Well there is this new friend of mine whom I've been having a serious problem with. I really like him and want to work things out with him. However, whenever I have gotten emotional about the problem, my thoughts include harsh judgments about my friend. This is mostly because I still don't know him very well and I don't know how he'll react in the future to what I say or do. But my friend has also most certainly made harsh judgments about me as well.

The irony of the situation is that the first time I met my friend, we hung out for over four hours. And during those four hours, I got a very good first impression of him. A good first impression after four hours is a lot different than a good first impression after only a few minutes. After experiencing those four wonderful hours, I still don't know how the problem between my friend and I happened.



slw1990
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06 May 2017, 11:24 pm

I sometimes do. Most of the time though, I do it to try and protect myself. I mean, I might notice certain mannerisms a person has would be the similar to people that have targeted me before.



Moccu
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07 May 2017, 10:37 pm

futuresoldier1944 wrote:
Moccu wrote:
I find that my initial impression of someone within the first minute(s) is pretty reliable, although I often give a chance to know more beneath the surface of my judgement, if I keep running into them and vise versa.


Well there is this new friend of mine whom I've been having a serious problem with. I really like him and want to work things out with him. However, whenever I have gotten emotional about the problem, my thoughts include harsh judgments about my friend. This is mostly because I still don't know him very well and I don't know how he'll react in the future to what I say or do. But my friend has also most certainly made harsh judgments about me as well.

The irony of the situation is that the first time I met my friend, we hung out for over four hours. And during those four hours, I got a very good first impression of him. A good first impression after four hours is a lot different than a good first impression after only a few minutes. After experiencing those four wonderful hours, I still don't know how the problem between my friend and I happened.

I'm not sure of what the problem between you two is, but normally at the start of any relationship (friendship in this case), there's normally little to no serious conflict that happens within the first few weeks or months, since people usually act on their best behavior when getting to know someone. That could be why your first impression of him was really good.


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futuresoldier1944
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07 May 2017, 11:16 pm

Moccu wrote:
I'm not sure of what the problem between you two is, but normally at the start of any relationship (friendship in this case), there's normally little to no serious conflict that happens within the first few weeks or months, since people usually act on their best behavior when getting to know someone. That could be why your first impression of him was really good.


The problem between my friend and I is that I came on too strong in electronic communications with him. I thought that I was on my best behavior, or at least I tried to act on my best behavior. But a combination of my Asperger's, my strong feelings of brotherly affection for my friend that I developed after the first time that we met, and the fact that so far we have only met in person one other time due to his very busy schedule led me to act inappropriately in electronic communications. During the two times that we hung out in person, I interacted perfectly normal with him. The ultimate cause of our problem is that our only social link so far has been the online forum that we met through. Even though we lived in the same city (I'm back in my parent's city for now while I look for another job in the city where we met), trying to maintain a friendship entirely through an online forum isn't a very good idea, especially for somebody with Asperger's who has a lot of trouble making friends.



ZachGoodwin
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08 May 2017, 10:05 am

Yes. It's my immature sensitivity and paranoia of other people. It really does bother me and it is very unsettling and upsetting to face. What's worse is making a snap judgement, and not even realizing you made one to begin with. I'm a very fragile, emotional, and flawed male in this world. I was actually a bit teary-eyed when I wrote this. If I get "boo-hoo go deal with your own problems and you have none compared to my real problems again." I'm going to feel upset again.



Moccu
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08 May 2017, 10:59 am

ZachGoodwin wrote:
Yes. It's my immature sensitivity and paranoia of other people. It really does bother me and it is very unsettling and upsetting to face. What's worse is making a snap judgement, and not even realizing you made one to begin with. I'm a very fragile, emotional, and flawed male in this world. I was actually a bit teary-eyed when I wrote this. If I get "boo-hoo go deal with your own problems and you have none compared to my real problems again." I'm going to feel upset again.

It's okay to make a quick judgement on someone, it's usually from making observations on appearance and behavior. You can gather a decent amount of information by noticing small details, that could indicate what their personality or interests are.

Snap judgements aren't always a negative thing, they can also be positive or just neutral. I don't tend to jump to major conclusions about a person, I might just notice that they're wearing a band t-shirt and gather that they're probably into that band and like it enough to wear that label.

I'll negatively judge someone if I see they're doing something inappropriate or are somehow off-putting to me, which gives me enough reason to have a low opinion on them already.

There was a lady in the grocery store with a full cart in front of me at the checkout, and she kept running back to fetch more items (it's not like she only forgot her eggs) when she could have got them beforehand, and then got into line. I feel like she just wanted to secure her place in the front of the line and felt she had the importance to make everyone wait for her.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 29 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 193 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical