Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

SpreadsheetMaster
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 3 Apr 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 129
Location: Seattle WA

07 May 2017, 5:22 pm

I just went to a social group for people with Asperger's. I have a mild case of Asperger's myself. Well... I hated it. The people there can be split into two groups: the people I couldn't understand, who got mad at me when it was clear I had no idea what they were saying, and the people I could understand, who simply ignored all my attempts to talk to them. I bailed on the group early without even telling them I was leaving.

Now I'm trying to decide whether I should give the group a second chance or quit permanently. I've only spoken to 4 other people with Asperger's in my life. Two of them became my friends, the other two not so much. Does anyone have more experience with this? How do you handle talking to people who have the disorder so bad that you can't even make sense of what they're saying? And is it normal for people who don't have it so bad to ignore you? I figure maybe they were bad at talking to new people, and thus that made them come off as unwelcoming to me. Honestly I wasn't really sure what to say to them. I tried asking about their interests and joining in on conversations they already had with each other, but neither worked.



Canary
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2016
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 603
Location: Midwest

08 May 2017, 4:38 pm

A few tries is probably worthwhile because people can take time to open up. But, just because you share something like Asperger's, doesn't mean you'll be able to be friends with someone or get along. So no pressure to force yourself to go and socialize with "your own".

I had a woman friend I used to play games with who claimed to be Autistic. She'd often explode at me over minor errors, even if it was something I wasn't physically doing at the time. On top of her gossip habit, it's one of the reasons I stopped talking to her.

Much happier with the group of NTs who don't yell and swear at me.



SpreadsheetMaster
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 3 Apr 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 129
Location: Seattle WA

10 May 2017, 1:58 pm

The group was upsetting enough for me that I'm leaning towards not going back. There is a nagging feeling that maybe it will be better next time though.



ZachGoodwin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,065

10 May 2017, 10:26 pm

The people who I communicate the most to are neurotypicals and I have no idea why some of those with aspergers feel so ostracized by them? They are waiting to be your friends, and having to put in your head all this nasty unhealthy stuff of normal people is going to do no good.

I hope you realize that neurotypicals do not want you to be dumb and nice, but instead want you to be realistic and intelligent with yourself.



SpreadsheetMaster
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 3 Apr 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 129
Location: Seattle WA

11 May 2017, 9:49 am

ZachGoodwin wrote:
The people who I communicate the most to are neurotypicals and I have no idea why some of those with aspergers feel so ostracized by them? They are waiting to be your friends, and having to put in your head all this nasty unhealthy stuff of normal people is going to do no good.

I hope you realize that neurotypicals do not want you to be dumb and nice, but instead want you to be realistic and intelligent with yourself.


Um... did you post in the write thread? I wasn't talking about communication with neurotypicals at all. I have plenty of NT friends. I tried an Asperger's group to talk to people with similar issues.



pasty
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 30 Sep 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 129
Location: Southeast USA

11 May 2017, 10:36 am

Was the group structured in some way or was it just a bunch of Aspies hanging out in a room? I have 2 friends with Aspergers that I would have otherwise not had if not for being forced to talk to them (for work) and realizing we liked each other (mostly). We had no reason to communicate and didn't know what to talk about anyway, because we didn't know each other. It sounds like your group needs a better way for people to know about each other without having to actually approach people.



SpreadsheetMaster
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 3 Apr 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 129
Location: Seattle WA

11 May 2017, 10:42 am

pasty wrote:
Was the group structured in some way or was it just a bunch of Aspies hanging out in a room? I have 2 friends with Aspergers that I would have otherwise not had if not for being forced to talk to them (for work) and realizing we liked each other (mostly). We had no reason to communicate and didn't know what to talk about anyway, because we didn't know each other. It sounds like your group needs a better way for people to know about each other without having to actually approach people.


At first, the group leader directed us to introduce ourselves one-by-one, but after that it split off into free discussion. I think the leader needs to make more effort to ensure newbies are included. The people in the group would probably rather talk to people they already know and ignore all new people.