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sedariscools
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 4 May 2017
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 3
Location: New Jersey

08 May 2017, 10:20 am

Hi I'm new here, I recently got diagnosed as an Aspie. I'm not sure if this would go under the School and College Life or Social Skills and Making Friends or Love and Dating. Here's the situation, so let's say there is me, NT1 (crush/now ex-friend), NT2 (crush's best friend/now ex-friend), and NT3 (my best friend/friends with NT1 and NT2).
In December, I told NT1 that I had feelings for her which she didn't have the same for me. Only a few weeks later I lost control of myself, I was obsessed NT1 constantly staring at her. NT2 tried to help me but ultimately I made the situation worse, they even accused me of stalking NT1 and NT2. NT1 and NT2 had given me so many chances that I consistently blew to be friends with them again and again.
A few weeks ago, they chose not to give me anymore chances of being a friend. I made a risky choice by deciding to tell them that I have Asperger's syndrome, they told me that they would not like to be friends not because of my condition but because of my actions. After telling NT3, the situation and that I want the others back in my life, he told me to have more confidence in myself which may get them back.
If anyone has any advice on how I could get my friends, I would appreciate it.



MagicKnight
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 14 Mar 2016
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 460

08 May 2017, 10:31 am

You don't try to bring your friends back. You move on, find new friends and try not to be all that weird and awkward to them. Use this as experience. Then maybe those old friends will be back one day - or not. Anyway simply don't try to go after them any more.

Lastly, don't use your diagnosis as an excuse because that won't work. How would it sound to you if someone just murdered your mom and said "I'm a diagnosed psychopath, excuse me for that but hey it's okay, the doc says it's expected of me to do these things"?

If you want an advice - and there are many people who will disagree with me on this, but if you ask me - don't ever mention anyone that you have Asperger's except your own mental health professionals.



AspieUtah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,118
Location: Brigham City, Utah

08 May 2017, 10:51 am

A friend told me once that "friends come and go." It is true that others have their own lives, too. They work hard, they study a lot, they pay bills and they deal with problems every day. And, yes, they find new friends while slowly leaving old friends.

But, I don't see a problem with sending an e-mail message to your friends to explain your diagnosis to them (briefly, don't use details). I believe that telling others is a great way to gauge their temperament about yourself. If they laugh when you tell them about yourself, or suddenly become silent, consider that proof that you don't want them in your life. Telling others in this way serves you more than it serves them.

Telling them might also open new doors between you and your friends. They might understand some of the confusion between you all, laugh it off, and like you a little more. But, be prepared if they don't like you, anyway. At least, you tried your best. There are many more "new friends" for you to discover.


_________________
Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


sedariscools
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 4 May 2017
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 3
Location: New Jersey

08 May 2017, 12:12 pm

Thank you for the advice