Why are adult women not as nice?

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Why are adult women not as friendly/tolerant towards men compared to how teenage girls are towards boys?


Or is it just because adults in general are not as tolerant? I reckon a lot of adult women are more fixed in there ideas about feminism/anti men.

They just need a little more time is all.

BS, especially if you live in the Bible Belt.

Many people probably become more set in their ways as they age, sure. Then again, teenagers aren't exactly known for being the nicest people on the planet.

I think women just start to realize that it's not safe to be too trusting and tolerant. I've dealt with all kinds of horrible treatment, including attempted rape, and I'm not even 30. There are most definitely bad people out there that I didn't think about when I was 16.

Why would a 16-year-old be afraid to leave a drink alone with a guy she doesn't know at a party, or second guess someone that seemed too good to be true? Most have never experienced or heard of anything happening to friends that would make them think twice and maybe be a little more judgmental of things they used to overlook.

Adults might be focusing more on their career, or family, or friends, and romanticize relationships less than teenagers.

I think a lot of what Canary mentioned is going on. Also, girls tend to grow up a bit faster than boys, and middle/high schools are relatively small "ponds". So, teenage girls, becoming interested in boys before the boys themselves are interested, kind of are placed a bit in the role of "aggressor". I remember as an 8th grader being stopped in the hallway by a few girls who stood in my way and demanded that I hug them because I was "so cute". But that means that girls also become, on average, jaded and discerning earlier, so by the time both sexes are adults, the excitement and naivete has unfortunately disappeared for more girls than guys (at least it seems that way).

It also depends on which men you are talking about. I know I don't speak for all aspies, but I am socially considerably "younger" than my actual years, and the gap grows wider every year. I was late even for a guy getting interested in girls, plus I had other issues going on, so I didn't take part in the high school boy/girlfriend "game". Now even in my early 30s I don't feel like an adult yet in terms of what I want from a relationship.

Both sexes, it seems, get less friendly as they grow up and get more serious--plus they seem to have a lower and lower tolerance for any perceived immaturity. They seem to lose the desire to just get to know random people, and only want to get to know people who will help them get ahead in some way (I know this is a generalization). You'd think in some ways this could help aspies, since we tend to know earlier on what our real interests are and don't get involved in a lot of the immature teenage social posturing. But for someone like myself who expects the romanticized view of relationships and openness of a teenager, because that's where I'm at, the adult social scene often seems very rejecting, even when people really want to be nice. Of course, this feeling of rejection only makes the gap widen.

Guys and girls are more impressionable when young.

As people develop their character and mindsets they become more set in their ways and also more vigilant. Our world is a more dangerous one than the last couple of generations.

This doesn't mean that women are crueler or not as nice [sic.].
You'll just have to treat them like women and not girls, and earn their respect as such.

Short answer: Because this is not their first rodeo.


Longer answer: They have a better formed idea of what they want/need in a relationship.

Also their first few relationships or many subsequent relationships may not have gone very well. And they would have taken in more information from other sources by adulthood as well- so if you resemble their friend Susie's dud date Dan in your words or actions, you're more likely to be out of luck.

There's a lot of unfriendly/intolerant men out there (and on here) as well.

Because they have bad experiences with men, and those bad experiences end up shaping their behavior and beliefs about men. Same thing with me. When I was a teen I was very naive, and thought women were perfect and innocent creatures, who are incapable of dishonesty and bad morals. Classic white knight scenario. But then you get smarter, and in some cases more judgemental. Goes both ways.

This is exactly why I strongly prefer (read: almost require) that girls I date ARE just starting out in the dating world/are just discovering boys. It's not because of some religious purity notions, not because of a "whore-madonna dichotomy", or whatever else people might think the reason is. It's exactly because I want to learn WITH someone, not FROM someone (about romance and sex, that is).

With a girl for whom it's "not her first rodeo", as you put it, even if she were to seem head over heels into me, there's this sense of missed opportunity, this sense that whatever I learn from her about what relationships are about, I'm not getting the same opportunity to explore that I'd get with another person who is just starting out in the world of getting to know the opposite sex.

Granted, there also has to be attraction there. I have been sexually involved with two girls who I thought were very unattractive, primarily because they were at this same place. Neither had kissed a guy before, they both wondered what having a boyfriend was like. However, not feeling attraction toward them, they didn't end up helping me develop and answer what I wanted answered, namely how do I relate to a girl with whom I actually have romantic feelings. That's what sometimes feels hopeless--to find a girl out there who's attractive to me, yet who hasn't previously found mutual attraction with enough other guys to pass through this developmental process. I feel like if I were still in high school, I'd have a much better chance at that.

Honestly i notice the 20-25 are the meanest.

They become way nicer after 30.

I wouldn't say they're "meanest", but rather more polarized. If they like you, their expressions of it will be over the top in a good way. They'll make out with you within minutes of meeting you. They'll press their chest into you while hugging you. They'll touch you while talking to you just because they feel good about you and want to show it. And they'll have a beaming smile that even a low-functioning aspie can understand. On the other hand, if they dislike you, they'll make sure you know that beyond a shadow of doubt. They'll call you a "creep" to your face, make disgusted faces at you, warn their friends on social media not come near you, etc. They may seem "meanest" because when us men are in our 20's ourselves, we don't have the right social skills to garner the positive attention from women our age. Quite the opposite: we get the unfriendly, "mean" attention for our lack of social skills.

Women over 30, on the other hand, are usually somewhere in the middle. They won't go out of their way to hurt you or embarrass you. They won't be overtly mean to you if they don't like you. But conversely, if they do like you, the way they express it will be quite flat and subtle, and it'll be your job to pick up on it. The quality of hugs and kisses you'll get also declines, it seems. Even with a simple friendly hug, younger women put more passion and enthusiasm into it, provided they have a good impression of you; older women just seem more emotionally flat about it, and their hugs are less fun.

In fact, my friend who's a girl is 22 (turning 23 this month), and she hugs me in the way I described. Although since we're just friends, she doesn't go beyond that. That's what caused a misunderstanding when we first became friends. After turning 30, I became so used to older women's emotionally flatter hugs, that when my friend gave me passionate, "jump into my arms" hugs, I mistook the affectionate friendship for romantic interest. And when I was 29, I had met a 23-year-old girl on a cruise, and she was also sweet and affectionate. While older women I met on another cruise were very physical with me too, like cuddling with me within minutes of meeting me, I never saw that behavior happen outside of cruises.

So older people just don't have any passion anymore. And my mother said there was no rush to get into a relationship...

As an universal rule, the uglier you are the meaner they are to you.

this kind of topic may be the reason that women are not nice.

it's really saddening how some guys in this forum portray women.

You were mean to your boyfriends, you admitted that several times.

I never said I wasn't mean – but I wasn't mean because I'm a woman. It isn't a gender thing, I'm just a bad person maybe.

But this whole discourse put women as an uniform group, without personal drive or background. There is even a guy talking about how he got involved with girls he didn't even find attractive because he wanted to get experience to when he find someone attractive – isn't that awful and mean? And how he requires girls to be unexperienced and way younger than him.

I read so much stuff in this forum that make me feels like a lot of guys here don't see women as human beings.