Why are adult women not as nice?
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,440
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
With a girl for whom it's "not her first rodeo", as you put it, even if she were to seem head over heels into me, there's this sense of missed opportunity, this sense that whatever I learn from her about what relationships are about, I'm not getting the same opportunity to explore that I'd get with another person who is just starting out in the world of getting to know the opposite sex.
Granted, there also has to be attraction there. I have been sexually involved with two girls who I thought were very unattractive, primarily because they were at this same place. Neither had kissed a guy before, they both wondered what having a boyfriend was like. However, not feeling attraction toward them, they didn't end up helping me develop and answer what I wanted answered, namely how do I relate to a girl with whom I actually have romantic feelings. That's what sometimes feels hopeless--to find a girl out there who's attractive to me, yet who hasn't previously found mutual attraction with enough other guys to pass through this developmental process. I feel like if I were still in high school, I'd have a much better chance at that.
Huh, are you saying that at 32 you are into 16 years olds (or younger)?
I am into women who, in terms of social experience, are at what's typical of that age or younger. They aren't actually that age, though.
With a girl for whom it's "not her first rodeo", as you put it, even if she were to seem head over heels into me, there's this sense of missed opportunity, this sense that whatever I learn from her about what relationships are about, I'm not getting the same opportunity to explore that I'd get with another person who is just starting out in the world of getting to know the opposite sex.
Granted, there also has to be attraction there. I have been sexually involved with two girls who I thought were very unattractive, primarily because they were at this same place. Neither had kissed a guy before, they both wondered what having a boyfriend was like. However, not feeling attraction toward them, they didn't end up helping me develop and answer what I wanted answered, namely how do I relate to a girl with whom I actually have romantic feelings. That's what sometimes feels hopeless--to find a girl out there who's attractive to me, yet who hasn't previously found mutual attraction with enough other guys to pass through this developmental process. I feel like if I were still in high school, I'd have a much better chance at that.
Huh, are you saying that at 32 you are into 16 years olds (or younger)?
I am into women who, in terms of social experience, are at what's typical of that age or younger. They aren't actually that age, though.
So you want someone you can groom, is what you're saying. This is what abusers do, specifically target and take advantage of younger people with little experience (which makes them more socially and psychologically vulnerable) so the abusers can psychologically mould them into whatever they like. You just want to avoid the illegality of actually grooming a child/young teen, so you're looking for a vulnerable inexperienced adult to groom instead.
This is next level gross, and predatory.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,872
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
^ Moccu and karathraceandherspecialdestiny, before throwing accusations at him like that, just read first. He said he is into inexperienced women (who have life/social experience equivalent of normal 16 yo women) but are not actually of this age; so they are simply adult women but less social-wise mature than others. Probably because he is that inexperienced too hiomself so he doesn't feel compatible with experienced women?
What's ironic though, some female WP members who are 17-18 yo admit of liking much older guys and having boyfriends who are 25+ yet none of you raised an eyebrow. There's little difference between a 25 yo guy and 32, both are adults.
None of you raised an eyebrow on this thread: viewtopic.php?t=342551&start=75
And before accusing me of promoting teen dating for adults, my last relationship was with a 37 yo lady, and now i am seeing a 28 yo.
What's ironic though, some female WP members who are 17-18 yo admit of liking much older guys and having boyfriends who are 25+ yet none of you raised an eyebrow. There's little difference between a 25 yo guy and 32, both are adults.
None of you raised an eyebrow on this thread: viewtopic.php?t=342551&start=75
Actually, I have stated in one of those forums that I have never been attracted to older men. My boyfriend is only a few months older than me, which is perfect for me.
Even as a teenager, I've always found it off-putting when I'd see girls 16 (sometimes younger) and up dating men in their 20s, it's unacceptable under most circumstances in my eyes. It's strange to me that a man can't seem to find a woman within his own age demographic, and there is no way a young girl can be mentally fully developed enough for that pairing to be right.
Also, I wouldn't say that no woman would raise an eyebrow at an age gap. Some are more deterred by large age gaps than others, usually within reason and preference.
It worries me when someone specifically seeks out a person that has to have little to no dating experience, etc. That tells me that the person is low-esteemed and is only looking for a fleeting quality, that would surely be undone by an intimate relationship.
Youth is temporary, and young love shouldn't be sensationalised. 'Puppy love' is not what a normal, healthy relationship strives to be, because young love is always just a beginning. Eventually it ends, as people grow up together.
He's inexperienced now, but as soon as he gains some experience, ideally, it wouldn't be a requirement for him to only date inexperienced women.
So, will he still be looking for inexperienced women after he gains more experience, or will he continue dating women with little to no experience? I'm skeptical that his 'inexperience' could just be a guise that he uses to justify his desire to date someone with a 16-year-old mindset.
_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 29 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 193 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical
With a girl for whom it's "not her first rodeo", as you put it, even if she were to seem head over heels into me, there's this sense of missed opportunity, this sense that whatever I learn from her about what relationships are about, I'm not getting the same opportunity to explore that I'd get with another person who is just starting out in the world of getting to know the opposite sex.
Granted, there also has to be attraction there. I have been sexually involved with two girls who I thought were very unattractive, primarily because they were at this same place. Neither had kissed a guy before, they both wondered what having a boyfriend was like. However, not feeling attraction toward them, they didn't end up helping me develop and answer what I wanted answered, namely how do I relate to a girl with whom I actually have romantic feelings. That's what sometimes feels hopeless--to find a girl out there who's attractive to me, yet who hasn't previously found mutual attraction with enough other guys to pass through this developmental process. I feel like if I were still in high school, I'd have a much better chance at that.
Huh, are you saying that at 32 you are into 16 years olds (or younger)?
I am into women who, in terms of social experience, are at what's typical of that age or younger. They aren't actually that age, though.
Lol, where do you find women your age who are inexperienced? It's kinda hopeless. Anyway, I'd advice against getting in relationship with women, especially if inexperienced like that, if you are not attracted to them. Chances are that it's only going to hurt them.
You take away the accusatory tone, and it used to be called courtship. In effect, once she has accumulated a certain amount of baggage, she is no longer courtable (can't be groomed.)
Third wave feminists want to "groom" vulnerable men, separated from their social support. There is no real expectation of moral equivalence.
I have suggested this new, internet law, before – a corollary to Godwin’s Law and the Streissand Effect – that honor, relevance, or importance exists as a fixed quantity. You can’t give status to one person without taking it from another.
The progs are telling me that this is vile, criminal –
These are saintly, model citizens.
It's interesting, to me, how both viewpoints can't just co-exist, in a voluntary, self-segregated, separate-but-equal kind-of way. There used to be a special district, on the far, bad side of town, for this, possibly, over the tracks, and behind the factory buildings.
Now, it's risqué, to be the male breadwinner and marry a virgin. Bad grampa. The way things were done for thousands of years gets criminalized, so people can be trashy and feel good about it.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,872
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
You take away the accusatory tone, and it used to be called courtship. In effect, once she has accumulated a certain amount of baggage, she is no longer courtable (can't be groomed.)
Quite right. Whenever I read about "grooming", I think of NDs and ND courtship, not some predatory activity.
Exactly my opinion.
Yes, and you are NT according to your own signature.
Maybe not if she is NT, but NDs (neurodiverse, aspies) don't learn courtship by culture, simply because our culture is all about NTs and their needs. What that essentially means is that NDs will not mature in their courtship, and chances are they will be lost to their natural ways after having absorbed too much junk from the NT culture, so, therefore, we expect some older ND girls (but by no means all) to be impossible to court the natural way. This is one way to interpret what biostructure is saying. He wants those that still are natural and haven't absorbed all that NT junk. Which I actually agree with him on. For me too, girls, of either neurotype, that has absorbed too much of our NT junk dating culture, are not relationship material anymore.
Actually, Madonna. What is she claiming to be. Madonna. A fitting example of a counterfeit or replacement.
Notice, how far too much experience and the obvious lack of loyalty are not being criticized.
You have a conscientious, reproductively-mature person, and we make excuses to undermine that. It has to be hidden. When I bring it up, all of the sudden, people remember that it has happened, before. It's in the background, an noone like to admit to it.
Children, out of wedlock, used to be shameful.
In the bookstore, Madonna has sex with a gas pump.
Don't laugh--try to be empathetic for once! Unfortunately it does feel kinda hopeless, which is why I carry so much deep resentment at the world (aspergers itself is only secondary at this point).
I figure my hope is first dating younger--almost every woman who I've been attracted to since high school is in the 18-21ish range. The one who was older (mid 20s), she acted young yet unfortunately first she wasn't interested, second she was possibly too low functioning to have a meaningful relationship. Second, there has to be some non-zero probability that even a reasonably attractive woman gets to 25 or 30 without having experimented with boys yet. Maybe she went through puberty exceptionally late (almost 18 or even later) due to a hormonal issue. Maybe she's just VERY introverted. If that probability is 1/10^10 or lower, well then I unfortunately will be looking for a very long time. But the more common it is, the more I should be able to find her if I look hard enough.
Most of my time spent dating is trying to figure out where to look, in order to search optimally. Since dating already feels like examining a bunch of bacterial plates for the one colony that expresses some rare mutation of interest, I feel I need to use selection to my advantage, i.e. that "weed out" many of the people I'm not looking for and actively attract the ones who are, so that not all of it has to be done manually.
I figure here on WP is a good place to start. I message all women who seem interesting from the odd-bods/talk-about-yourself threads regardless of geographical location, hoping that they will have their nets cast just as wide and will at least start up a conversation. It doesn't mean we will ever actually date, but it's possible I can at least have fulfilling conversations. There are some other interesting places that I unfortunately cannot tap to the fullest--places like group homes/assisted living for autistics. Many if not all of them have rules that limit visits from people outside. But I'd be open to any other suggestions (OTHER THAN just "change what you're looking for"--that is useless and I already hear that one far too much, so comments of that tone will be summarily disregarded).
Could you explain to me, in your own words, what a ND courtship and culture is and should be?
You want someone natural, untouched, and not smeared by any NT cultural influence, and yet you're going to expect a young, inexperienced woman to settle with you after she takes a bite of what intimacy feels like. She may decide she doesn't like you, after all.
It's not a sure-thing for a 'natural' woman to stay how she is after some experience, right? Cultural influence isn't so strong that people will lose their instincts.
You could be a serial dater of multiple inexperienced, vulnerable women, and all they'd have in common after leaving the relationship is being with you once and possibly being less desirable to the next man that comes along. It's unlikely she'll be any less desirable, lots of men are much less offended by a past dating history, because they are not threatened by it.
Insecure people are actually more likely to cheat, did you know that? They are less well-versed in knowing how to cope with someone wanting them, and might give into any attention they get if they learn they're desirable to other people.
Perhaps you (some men in this thread in general) are not relationship material. You demand for women to have no dating history, and will lose interest in them as soon as you learn a bit too much about them. If you've been single for very long, then it might be your own fault for being so unavailable to the NT cultured women you look down on.
_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 29 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 193 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical
Yes, I've acclimated to the horrid NT culture to the point of integrating, terribble. I aced the test!1111
_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 29 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 193 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical
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