What are the reasons I could be M2F trans?

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So while ago on this board, I posted before. I had thoughts that I could be transgender since at least mid-2014. I just wonder if it's better to be a girl sometimes. I was born a male and I have an Autism Spectrum disorder (I call mine Asperger's), looking back when I was little, I never felt like a girl before. I am at least fascinated by the idea of dressing as female. But realistically, I don't care if I'm not necessarily the sexiest woman alive. I still would love to have some conventional beauty or attractiveness, but I don't need to be a perfect "10" in looks. I don't want to have to live of prosthetics for the rest of my life to have a feminine look. I want to know full well what I'm embarking on first. So indecisiveness and over-analysis has been a theme ever since.

I was always a little awkward, and felt autistic in some ways, but there were some symptoms or issues where I felt I was different or not fitting in with other autistic people growing up. Maybe it's part of another underlying problem, who knows? I also had co-morbid balance and motor issues that affect my gait and speech. I was also told I have an oral-motor issue by a local neurologist. I don't feel like I fit in with people, even other aspies or autistics, to this day. Even though I'm an adult now.

I transitioned twenty years. I saw that no one replied to you and I myself do not really know what to say.

if the idea of literally just dressing as a woman interests you, then dress as a woman, in private. see how it goes. (very foreign territory for me, by the way. traditional female accoutrements have not particularly interested me. in some ways I think I would have understood myself better if they did. I had no model for wanting to transitioning but also not envisioning myself in, say, a dress.)

It could be that you are just interested in "Cross Dressing." Many cross dressers have no interest in changing sex, but they are turned on by wearing women's clothes. I've heard there are CD forums, but have no experience with them.

There is also drag. Maybe you're interested in trying out a female identity as a sort of performance. I have friends who do drag and love it. In drag people are able to explore a feminine identity without committing to identifying as a woman full-time. I think gender performance is a fascinating subject.

New post and afterthoughts in month-old thread:

It's not at the point where I literally obsess about my gender daily or on a regular basis. I actually have revealed this to my mom or tried to get things out of it, which I brought it up when we were alone two or three times over a year. After that last time I had to bring it up, she dismissed me as confused, that I'm looking to be "in a bad club" of people, and also negatively told me "I hope you're not reading into anything or interacting with these people online" so I make a white lie and reply that I'm not/I wasn't--she revealed to me in that final discussion on the subject that she explicitly believes that it's a mental disorder and she hears what is going on in the recent news a lot. It's almost like she is blocking my entry into exploring it.

I'm not living independently from my parents yet, but I'm finally starting to make progress to living that way, but at minimum, it will take ~2 years to get hired at my first job (I'm starting a school next week in a business/admin course-The whole program consists of two years of schoolwork) and assuming that I don't mess up the job finding and interviews process early on after my training is done. Also I said that I'm starting next week, so I will be taking more than one actual class, but if you're going to suggest I change my main course of study to enter a "better" or more high-paying field, I don't think it can be done. The course program is only for students that have intellectual disabilities (except I'm not technically "intellectually" anything), even though there is no real special classrooms (the students in the program simply study their individual courses in the traditional mainstream classrooms).

My more major point of this post is that I had some afterthoughts about my gender. I've been reading forums and blogs about how much it really sucks socially for a guy sometimes, it goes beyond regular "equality" issues that are so popular today, and it's "cancerous" victims include finding and getting dates in society.

*relationship spoiler in italics*

I am a heterosexual male and was only attracted to females since puberty, but I only had success with one real relationship (it was odd, and I don't know if it could arguably be called a true relationship even though it lasted a little after a year--in the middle of it all I started feeling unattraction), but she wasn't the kind who wanted to go as far as sex or fooling around after marriage. She was obsessive in the relationship (but I still liked her as a girl besides that part, probably related to her being neurodiverse too). I don't think all neurodiverse women aren't attractive, but I sometimes feel that the neurological differences on one or both sides of the relationship limit your pool to these types of partners.

Men are the ones who are today being vilified for their roles in dating and attraction, despite that everything under the sun has become more "progressive" and/or PC in the last decades, who knows, maybe a whole century ago (I think women should've been granted suffrage anyway, but the movement wasn't explicitly founded with obligations or the future side-effects of today's society in mind). It's ironic, because the way we are more free to express sexuality is accepted more often more only for women today. There is some personal anecdotal evidence for this as well.

I also like the attention that women get to receive based on social media and other places. Men don't really wear some underwear/swimwear types that are similar to women's cuts, and even when they do, I'd more often prefer them on women. (This goes with any clothing really, they look for sexy for me).

The above paragraphs were just afterthought

I also think I crave a feminine-shaped body sometimes, especially fat distribution. And I don't want to have to always fake illusion or have to "buy" my new shape measurements by silicone or other junk after a while of working out my body.

I probably didn't cover as much as I really wanted in this post, and I know my vision may not sound that realistic, but I wanted to talk it out with other LGBT aspies.

People say gender dysphoria is not a mental disorder. Yet it causes people to have this delusion that the opposite sex is better, and they end up mutilating their own bodies. It's not like dressing up as a woman will make you less awkward.

^ How is that in any way helpful?
It might be best to preface that as just your own personal opinion, because actually, if someone is actually a transwoman, then presenting socially and being treated and interacted with as the woman she is can definitely make things less awkward.
Also, again the word "mutilation" is your opinion. Many transfolk don't see transition as "mutilating" anything, any more than someone with bad teeth would view getting braces and fixing them as "mutilation." To a medically transitioning person, it's a physical fix to a physical problem, not a mental disorder.

Being transgender is a mental issue. If someone's body is completely healthy the way it is, but the person is distressed because they are unhappy with the gender they were born with, then that is a mental problem, not a physical one.
This is completely different from getting braces, where there is something wrong with the body that is being corrected.

Because someone's body is healthy isn't the only issue - after all, many people who are technically overweight or even obese are healthy (no diabetes, heart problems, blood pressure etc) but no one puts them down for wanting to craft their bodies into something that is going to make them happier in their lives. No one calls a technically overweight person wanting to be slim mentally ill. Same with people who have cosmetic surgeries - no one calls a physically healthy woman wanting aesthetic breast implants mentally ill, but a transman wanting his breasts removed is sick? It's a double standard.
Also, as I think I've written here before somewhere, it is generally accepted that a mental disorder cannot be cured by a physical solution. Whereas gender dysphoria is completely cured by a physical fix. Many transfolk (and those in the medical professions responsible for sex reassignment surgery, I might add) view this as a problem with their bodies not matching their minds, not with their minds themselves.