Do you have anyone in your life who you can truly confide in

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I did become a little too open or direct with my friend, but not at first. The first two times that I unintentionally offended him, it was just that I messaged him too often in his opinion. After the first two times that I offended my friend, I tried to do better. However, I was never sure exactly how many messages was too many for him. I suspect that "coming on strong" may vary with him depending on how he feels on any given day. The incident that made my friend cut me off started with me becoming more open and direct with him. And ironically, it was me texting him that I wanted to meet him to explain why I was coming on strong. I knew that it might make him uncomfortable and in fact, I acknowledged in my text that this is probably uncomfortable for him. However, for some reason, I had a strong determination or desire to explain to my friend why I came on strong to him. He wouldn't meet with me, because he was really busy with work (or so he said), but we did talk on the phone. And the phone call was a mixed situation. He seemed sympathetic about the fact that I had clicked so much with him, but he gave me kind of a stern lecture about me coming on strong. Without thinking, I stupidly said that I wouldn't message him at all over the next week while he was on a business trip. He then said that we would get together again when he got back into town.

However, a few hours after our phone call, for some reason, I got really nervous and anxious. And so unfortunately, I sent my friend another text. I asked him a question in the text and when he didn't answer it, I got even more nervous and anxious. I really feared, probably rightly, that he had gotten really angry about my text. I then sent him three other texts that night in order to try to explain myself to him. Then I found out the next morning that he had blocked me on Facebook. I sent him two more texts apologizing to him, but he still didn't respond. And so that was that. Other than one angry message about two weeks later, (which was about a month ago) he hasn't spoken to me since. But I've tried speaking to him many times, too many times in fact, which has probably only made things worse.

I still really don't know how this happened. I never wanted to hurt him as he had been so nice and friendly to me when we first met. I've always known that I'm socially awkward, but I guess I never realized how socially awkward that I really am. However, this is also why I strongly suspect that my friend has some issues of his own, which would explain the radical change in his behavior toward me. I really want to make up with my friend, but I don't know if I will be able to. However, regardless of how things turn out between me and him, the stupid conflict between us has led me to realize that I have to find an Asperger's support group. I should have joined an Asperger's support group years ago. But until very recently, I didn't even accept that I had Asperger's, even though I was informally diagnosed with Asperger's by a school diagnostician when I was 14.

Somehow, and I used to have a few. But never as completely. It's always partial... Maybe never unconditionally.

Online? A few besties whom most of them are turned-out-to-be-ND-themselves. What's even hilarious is that for more than 3 years of close online friendship, we just found that out much later.
Most of them understands somehow. To the point that I really found an equal. But it's too bad... I never get to meet them in real life, and is cut short too often times. Though, we still chat from time to time...

In real life? Closest would be my mom, but I doubt she understands like everyone else even if she tried to understand.
I could barely trust even those with the knowledge and acknowledgement of my neurology. Mostly because they usually assume first, and still couldn't understand it.
Even the ones who have the traits and knowledge, but still assumes things and do not understand what I truly mean. Heck even one of them wants to be an aspie or to be associated as, but the NT instinct and/or cognitive dissonance goes first.
I really never met an equal in real life. Not one aspie of my age, and not one autistic in my age AND 'level'.
Not one who could relate or truly understand.


I don't know how well guarded or openly trusting I'm. What I know is that I like my secrets and I can always let anyone go.


But if the roles are reversed... I'm more likely the person that people who confides to, than someone who confides.

Well, no offense, but it does sound like ya overdid it. It sounds to me like you felt so happy having made this friend, that you were acting like a lifelong bestie in a short amount of time. That'll irk anyone. I hope that doesn't sound jerkish or anything. It's not meant to. But hey, I'm 40 and still struggle with this issue of feeling closer to someone than they might feel toward me.
I know it's cheesy, but I believe in the adage of letting someone you care for go. If they don't come back on their own, then there's nothing you could really do. My opinion, there isn't anything you should do.
I've been through this so many times. I'm probably repeating myself, but "arms length" is my motto toward relationships. Friendships, coworkers, fellow students, even romantic relationships.
I'm no shrink, but did you feel like you needed this connection to kind of validate your own existence? Cause when I make similar "clingy" mistakes, it's almost always because a piece of me just wants to feel like I matter to at least this one other person. That feeling as though you're irrelevant to the world is so unspeakably painful. And then I feel like, this person could help me so much by just speaking to me for 10 minutes. And often times, they can't even do that much. I mean, it hurts. I'm still trying to learn ways to avoid dealing with that hurt. Keeping busy helps me. My opinion, there's nothing you could do to make someone want your presence if they're hinting at or openly declaring that they are not in the mood to be dealing with you.

Well, yes I did overdo it. However, the only reason that I overdid it is because my friend came on so strong during the first time that we met and even before we met in person. And I didn't even want to meet him at first. He was so persistent and even pushy in trying to get me to meet him. He got me to go outside my social comfort zone, which is relatively small, and which I rarely do. And during our intense first four hour outing, he couldn't have been nicer and friendlier to me. In fact, he even said that I had another friend in him. I got a really good first impression of him.

I am rarely socially assertive and I don't usually try to initiate social outings. But because he was so socially assertive both during and before our first outing, I was more socially assertive towards him. Unfortunately, I was too socially assertive. I also don't really understand why his behavior towards me changed so radically. I sincerely believed that he wanted another friend in me too. However, now I'm not really sure what his exact intentions were. For all I know, he didn't even know what his own exact intentions toward me were. I think that he may have simultaneously wanted to be friends with me while also being scared of getting too close to me.

Maybe I should just let him go. But I just can't let him go or at least not yet. He seems to be such a good guy and I never wanted to hurt him, even though I unintentionally did. I can't really explain it and it may seem strange, but from the moment that we met, I believed that my friend and I were "meant" to meet and become friends. After our first outing, I never would have thought in a million years that something like this would happen between us. I of course have issues and I think that my friend has issues too. I believe that my friend and I are "meant" to help each other work through our respective issues.

One reason for the problem between us is that our only social link has been the online forum where we connected. It's of course hard to maintain a friendship when your only connection is an online forum, even though we were in the same city at the time (I'm back in my hometown now while I look for another job in the city where we met). This online forum is about employment with the U.S. government agency that we both have received a conditional job offer from. Because we might eventually work together, I want to try to make up with him for at least that reason.

I think I know what you mean. If people aren't aware that you're an aspie, they're turned off by your aspie quirks, but if they do know something about Aspergers, then they might treat you in that slow, condescending way and you get the sense that they're not really being themselves around you. Like they're treating you a little bit like a zoo animal.

Well, good luck with that. Ya never know. I've never been much for the concept of fate but who knows.

no, I thought I had someone for two times, but both failed with me and proved me wrong.