Aspie dating a "gifted" and it's NOT going well

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Hello! Two months ago, today, a wonderful boy asked me out. I had expected it seeing as a few weeks before I reached out and asked him to our high school's girl's choice dance.
I had noticed by my time in class with him he was very shy, and didn't talk much. Everything made sense after we started dating and he told me he had Aspergers. My father has Social Anxiety and PTSD, so I was used to guys being quiet, and disapproving of large crowds. I had never heard of Aspergers before then so I immediately researched it. He seems to have a mild case? He went to the dance with me, although I made a point to stay in the quiet corners, away from people and very loud music. He seemed fine.
He talks ALOT. Once he decides he trusts you there seems to be no filter, his entire life story comes pouring out. I'm worried he'll get hurt due to this.
Before even the one month mark I explained to him about my emotionally abusive parents. He frequently says things like "soon as you can get away from them, I'll make your life better" or he talks about the house he's working on buying and how excited he is for when I can move in and get away from them. I'm 16. (He's 17)
That worries me, its both of our first relationship, but I never put much hope in it. I don't even think about being togeather for a full year, and he's making plans for 2 years from now. Guess it scares me a bit.

I've been told I'm gifted. I've spent almost a year denying it, now I'm slowly warming up to it.
I think some of the most common effects of being a "gifted teen" is:
- high need for alone time and lots of independence
- strong sense of values
- racing thoughts
- lack of sleep
- social anxiety
- inability to proactively manage time
- makes simple concepts very complex
- notice of small details
- low self esteem
- fear of not being good enough
- high vocabulary and accelerated reading.
- easy to spot patterns
-amazing verbage
- accelerated reading

I believe Aspergers can share a fair number of these?

I especially value having time to myself, peace and quiet. But the once quiet boy has turned out to be very talkative and CLINGY! Every weekend he gets upset if i don't go out on a date or two with him. My parents are very controlling, I rarely get out of the house if its not for school. Summer's coming and my family is going an a month long vacation, he's just thrilled. (No, no he's not. He's actually very upset and whines about it whenever i bring up summer break). I want time away from him, sometimes I just want a lazy day to myself. Because of this i find him saying "Well if your not going to try... I'm not sure why I'm still here" or "I don't know why I'm with you if all I get is you being difficult..." Yeah... Ouch

Now he's not the worst boyfriend ever as I've made him out to be. He's caring, and really supportive. He makes me feel special and needed, such a contrast to my life at home.

So to sum it up:
-any tips for us to work better together and understand each other?
-Is it normal for him to be so scarily clingy? sometimes it gets a bit protective too
-how can I express my need for independence?
-Is there a way I can tell him he's being a bit... unacceptable at times? Kindly?
-relieve some of his worries that I'll leave him?
-anything else I missed

As someone who has AS and is also in some ways gifted, I might be able to shed some insight. Yes, the two do overlap and I suspect that gifted people sometimes make better partners for aspies than people who are neither. What I see as my gifted side is that I am not only fascinated by my special interests, but I have always been ahead of other students (I taught myself calculus in 8th grade, for instance), and also have this kind of "unsatisfied perfectionism" about them. Like, it's not about showing anyone ELSE that I'm perfect, it's that I am deeply unsatisfied until I have some phenomenal new insight and can solve problems that others haven't been able to solve for years, or am disappointed when I can't. Not all aspies are like this by any means--many are content just learning facts that are already known. Often in fact this gets in the way of pleasing others, who don't want "the perfect to be the enemy of the good".

I am surprised he is already clingy in high school. Usually, it seems that clinginess is something aspies develop in adulthood, when we have been looking unsuccessfully for a relationship for many years. You are at the age when first relationships tend to happen anyway, so he doesn't have a reason to feel behind schedule. Though I'm thinking maybe he's the kind who desperately wanted friends throughout childhood and didn't get them. I was the opposite--I was disinterested in making friends until high school, and didn't actually ever feel "lonely" or "left out" until partway through college. I couldn't have felt rejected when I didn't want friends anyway.

Are his interests kind of mainstream, or are they very unique (i.e. being interested in baseball would be very mainstream, but being interested in quantum physics, especially in high school, is very unique)? If his interests are unique, do you show him that you find his enthusiasm for these things attractive? I think that goes a long way to making a guy (or probably also a girl) feel secure in a relationship--he will think "Not just any other guy can talk to her about that, which means I have something unique to offer".

I totally understand you needing alone time--I couldn't deal with feeling so suffocated either. Make sure you let him know that the fact you need alone time doesn't mean you don't feel close to him.

I don't remember any hobbies that have ever stood out. I'm very set on Ornithology and Photography, so I tend to keep an eye out for unique interests. He really likes video games, so I play a few with him at times (I really don't get along with video games, I've never been able to connect the buttons with the actions, and even as a sophomore, can't type without looking at the keys.)

I was startled when I saw how similar the symptoms were. But I'm afraid that the few differences will drive us apart.
I think the clinginess was brought sooner due to the fact his father came and went a lot in his family before his parents divorced? He said after the divorce he shut down, refusing to talk to many people, I tell him a lot he should make some new friends but he's disinterested.

I'm afraid telling him that I want me-time will make him think I don't like his company or that I don't want to be with him at all!

I'm not sure about the things he says at times... Is he trying to manipulate me or is it just him expressing his feeling and being unable to realize how it hurts me or how it's unusual public behavior?

I'm breaking up with him tomorrow. However I'm scared to death he will lash out at me. Is there anything I should be worried about? I know you guys don't know him but...
He also is suicidal, what should I do? I can report him but I don't know...
Best way to break up?

He's completely ignored my pleads for space. Today he was mad at me for saying Happy Birthday to my friend instead of walking around campus with ONLY him.

we have been fighting non-stop over text/email then turn around and put on smiles when we see eachother in the afternoons. In the mornings we don't really talk, Its a silent battle. It's got to end.

Please just be as honest with him as you can--and as gentle. Please do not tell him you want to remain friends or to keep hanging out if you don't think you can follow through on it. You may see him react like a completely different person, but remember he's angry and hurt and scared, but still the same kid. I do not want to minimize what you may be going through; I can only speak from my own experience.

That happens when the love is not as mutual.

He knows that but living in denial or trying to make you love him equally.

Kinda sounds like me actually. If he hasn't actually tried to ever hurt himself I wouldn't worry about it too much, its not your responsibility.

Problem is what else does he actually think about in life to look forward too? You clearly don't want anything to do with him anymore.

I wouldn't sugar coat things though. He needs to understand whats going on and be able to come to terms with it. Even giving a tiny thing to obsess over can be major trouble.

He's continuing to harass me! IDK how to get him to get the crap away from me! Help!

At least you 2 can see each other out of school. Because I couldn't.☹️ Because my ex's parents wouldn't let her do anything or go anywhere with me out of school. Which really sucked because we couldn't do anything. And that's the only reason we broke up. Even though we both still had feelings for one another.

*shoots self*

Harassing you how? See, part of the main reason that AS is different from "gifted" is that, while a gifted person can choose to be social and can pick up on nonverbal social cues, an AS person...can't. At least, not to the same degree. So if his "harassment" is born of miscommunication (as you said that you two were arguing before and that may have caused confusion for both of you in terms of post-relationship expectations and status), you may just have to be vocal and clear about what you do and don't him to do.
That being said, if he is being physically harmful or going out of his way to harass you and seems to be fully aware that you are uncomfortable (such as continuing to harass you if you have explicitly told him to stop on more than one occasion) it may not be because of his AS at all. While people with AS do have a lot of similar traits, they are still individuals and some people can be more...possessive than others (that might not be the best word for it in this instance but I couldn't think of a better one at the moment). If he's being hurtful to you, you shouldn't just accept it as "it's an Aspie thing". Because the only way he will learn how to react appropriately in this situation in the future is if someone puts their foot down.
I know that may seem harsh and I'm not recommending a physical confrontation, but don't be afraid to be...well, a little mean, I guess, if necessary (again, "mean" might not be the right word here).