Sylvan2007 wrote:
Have any of you with a form of autism ever feel extremely different from everyone around them? Because I myself have Asperger's Syndrome and its extremely tough to find others with my diagnosis close to the same as me. I feel like so much like a stranger everywhere I go and I feel like I truly don't belong among anyone. Wish I knew others out there who feels the same. Sometimes I feel like just crashing and shut down forever. Hope to hear from someone about this.
I feel like that a lot of the time--I feel like an outsider even in aspie groups. There are several reasons for that:
1) My emotions work differently. I'm intense and very "romantic", in the sense of wanting to read some kind of abstract, perfect beauty into things. Some of this may be because I have always had something like mild, sub-clinical bipolar. Whereas, the majority of aspies seem if anything more even-tempered than the average NT. Probably as the result of this, almost everyone else lacks the same early-childhood history of lashing out physically that I had. While they seem to have a lot less inner restlessness than I do, they also (as a result of not learning it at a young age) seem to have less of an ability to cope with whatever aggression/restlessness they DO feel.
2) Most aspies still had interest in socializing as a kid, and also were interested in things like movies that center around the human condition and human interaction. Whereas, as a kid I was completely fixated on physical systems, trying to understand how they worked. I would sit on the swings by myself, throw balls into alleyways and watch the pattern of the bounces, etc. Not because I was rejected by the other kids, but because I had no interest in most of the games they were playing. Now, as a young adult, I have finally become interested in other people, but their experience with connection is on such a different level, I feel like a kid who wants to play tag who wandered onto a football field in the middle of a game.
17 May 2017, 9:02 pm
I never truly felt 'home' or 'belonged'. I could barely relate, and I always feel alien.
Not even inclusion, conditionally or unconditionally.
