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hurtloam
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18 May 2017, 3:52 pm

I really can't cope with being stared at. I understand that it can mean nothing and I'm just being admired (Ugh that feels creepy to type), but if it is a signal, what are you blokes expecting from me as a response?

This isn't in a bar, my scenarios never are, it's just me going about my everyday business and running into this same person.

This seems to be the way things always happen. One wonders if I should do something about it this time. I'm kind of sick of dancing the same dances.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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18 May 2017, 4:10 pm

I don't stare.



hurtloam
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18 May 2017, 4:19 pm

Good. It can be a bit intimidating.

I think if guys I like do this I'm just going to have to nip it in the bud and ask them out. Then it won't turn into a wondering if thing. I think I have to just take charge of these things and stop letting them spiral out of control in my head.


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18 May 2017, 4:20 pm

I had someone staring at me the other day, but I am pretty sure they were not admiring me. It was while I was meeting with my employment specialist I'm working with to help get me employed, and we met up at arbys since its close by where I live so easy place to meet. But yeah this guy at a close by table seemed to be glaring me down, I had planned to grab something to munch on at the arbies after our meeting, but I ended up leaving more abruptly before she left because it made me uncomfortable. She had a vehicle so I knew she could just drive off but I was on foot so I didn't want to give him a chance to follow me(if that was on his mind which I cannot say for sure)...I figured he'd be less likely to do so if she was still there and could potentially notice.

The thing is though I don't know what it meant, I can't say for sure they had any sinister intentions...but I wasn't going to stick around to risk it. Might be a little off topic since I don't think you were really talking about sinister staring or glaring...but moral is even if its not intended staring can certainly freak people out.


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18 May 2017, 4:26 pm

It's many different kinds of staring out there. One to really look out from is the predatory stare, psychopaths often have these.


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rdos
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19 May 2017, 8:12 am

hurtloam wrote:
Good. It can be a bit intimidating.

I think if guys I like do this I'm just going to have to nip it in the bud and ask them out. Then it won't turn into a wondering if thing. I think I have to just take charge of these things and stop letting them spiral out of control in my head.


I don't think the answer is to ask them out. Asking out and "staring" (neurodiverse courtship) are not compatible. I'd be totally lost of what to do and answer if you did that to me, so it wouldn't end well.

The only way these things ever seems to advance is by trying to "meet" more often and at new places. Try to set up new ways to communicate, but always avoid talking and "asking out". Tell yourself that he talks a completely alien language, so you cannot communicate verbally with him, and so you have to find alternative ways.



kraftiekortie
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19 May 2017, 9:04 am

A guy would be most fortunate to be asked out by you. That's only happened to me once in my life---and the girl was a religious fanatic.



rdos
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19 May 2017, 9:16 am

Never happened to me. I've never asked anybody out, and I've never been asked out either. When I start talking to a romantic interest, it most often means we are in a relationship, and that we have skipped dating.



sly279
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19 May 2017, 9:28 am

Do they look away when you look at them?

I often look at girls I like . They're so cute and pretty. I try not to get caught though :s

I dont know mean if they liked me it'd be nice if they showed it somehow. I've been hurt too many times along with being shy to dare ask women out anymore.

So I dream of what could be



rdos
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19 May 2017, 9:32 am

sly279 wrote:
Do they look away when you look at them?

I often look at girls I like . They're so cute and pretty. I try not to get caught though :s

I dont know mean if they liked me it'd be nice if they showed it somehow.


They do that by looking back. The more they look back, the more they like you. :-)

However, you cannot be too careful. You need to make them aware that you look at them, while at the same time not coming out as a creep.

sly279 wrote:
I've been hurt too many times along with being shy to dare ask women out anymore.

So I dream of what could be


Just looking and getting responses is a lot better than nothing. Always makes my day when it happens. Much better than a compliment or a girl trying to start a conversation or ask me out.



hurtloam
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19 May 2017, 1:20 pm

rdos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Good. It can be a bit intimidating.

I think if guys I like do this I'm just going to have to nip it in the bud and ask them out. Then it won't turn into a wondering if thing. I think I have to just take charge of these things and stop letting them spiral out of control in my head.


I don't think the answer is to ask them out. Asking out and "staring" (neurodiverse courtship) are not compatible. I'd be totally lost of what to do and answer if you did that to me, so it wouldn't end well.

The only way these things ever seems to advance is by trying to "meet" more often and at new places. Try to set up new ways to communicate, but always avoid talking and "asking out". Tell yourself that he talks a completely alien language, so you cannot communicate verbally with him, and so you have to find alternative ways.



I don't think we have the same idea of what "asking out" is. I was only thinking of saying, "Do you want to meet up for a drink?" No great declaration of passion.


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sly279
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19 May 2017, 1:48 pm

rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Do they look away when you look at them?

I often look at girls I like . They're so cute and pretty. I try not to get caught though :s

I dont know mean if they liked me it'd be nice if they showed it somehow.


They do that by looking back. The more they look back, the more they like you. :-)

However, you cannot be too careful. You need to make them aware that you look at them, while at the same time not coming out as a creep.

sly279 wrote:
I've been hurt too many times along with being shy to dare ask women out anymore.

So I dream of what could be


Just looking and getting responses is a lot better than nothing. Always makes my day when it happens. Much better than a compliment or a girl trying to start a conversation or ask me out.


What's the difference between that and just noticing I looked at them and wondering why? The one lady use to look back but then she rejected me.

How does one not come off as a creep?



kraftiekortie
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19 May 2017, 1:54 pm

Lol..."coffee" might be better than "a drink."

"A drink" carries more seductive implications.



hurtloam
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19 May 2017, 2:00 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Lol..."coffee" might be better than "a drink."

"A drink" carries more seductive implications.


Yeah that might be better. To be fair this is someone who has invited me out for drinks with other people before and also offered me alcohol, but yeah I should start more subtly I think.

The more I rehearse the conversation in my head the more, "Hey we should meet up for a coffee" sounds like the better option.


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Last edited by hurtloam on 19 May 2017, 2:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

rdos
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19 May 2017, 2:03 pm

sly279 wrote:
What's the difference between that and just noticing I looked at them and wondering why?


Not much. You want to make them curious about you. When they are curious, they will play the game again and again.

sly279 wrote:
The one lady use to look back but then she rejected me.


I don't understand. You cannot be rejected in the eye-contact game. If you went up to talk to her or ask her out, you broke the rules.

sly279 wrote:
How does one not come off as a creep?


By not looking so much that some girls will find it creepy. That's something that needs to be trained.