how to really break contact with someone?

Post Reply New Topic

there is this guy i'm suffering for it's been so long, i can't let it happen anymore. every time we get along fine it will last just a bit, then it will be so much drama and sadness. i can't stand it for long, and there is no chance of improving because he doesn't want to put any effort on it. i need to let it go, but i feel terrible about it :/ but i think it's bad to feel really really bad for a shorter period and then move on than keep this thing for more years.

ok I was so better just waiting things to happen than not trying to really have an attitude

aaaaa

i feel so weak and stupid i hate myself

you at least have an expectation for yourself in your mind, that you will move on if you break contact? i think that is good.

i have felt in the same way as you do, still do at times. for about 4 years i have been trying to break contact 100% with this girl (and she doesn't put effort into it, either!) but each "step" is very painful, yes. what helped me most was distracting myself with other people as i did it, but that's exactly the hard part, isn't it?

whatever you do, whatever happens, it can feel worse if you invest a lot of energy into caring for the outcome. if it's a high stakes choice, that can be easier said than done. so maybe you can weigh the "pros and cons" of each side.

it's hard to have love for yourself when you don't feel that you deserve it. i feel that, if no one loves me, why should i? but please at least hold the realization that no one can decide better for yourself than you.

i started off by erasing my presence from social media and getting rid of her number on my phone, and placing her contact info on a card that i would look at later, but i found myself looking at it far less than i thought i would.

you may surprise yourself.

I found that the best way for me to break contact with someone I'm having a hard time getting over is to burn my bridges with them. Do & say things that really upset them so they won't want to contact you again. You'll feel like you burned your bridge so bad that your too embarrassed & afraid to contact them again. I did stuff like that unintentionally because I was so p!ssed about the person & things they've done. I acted out & took things out on them & then they want nothing to do with me. It's was for the best for both of us that we lost contact cuz it helped me move on better & spared me from future drama. I did this with both my exes.

^that would appear rather inadvisable... for one, it’s a rather mean approach that would surely weigh on a sensitive conscience for having shamefully required being hurtful to compensate for a lack of self discipline. two, reputation is relatively static even though the personality is not. so while you may have grown much since then, your reputation likely has not with them, nor with anyone they’ve told about you. as a note to the dynamic nature of personality, just because they were not ideal partners in the past, does not mean they cannot make change in seeking betterment for the future, but those bridges are likely forever annihilated even to friendship, or even aid in times of potential need. life is typically rather long for most, it is best to be respectful even toward current adversaries.

Perhaps a balanced approach could have the desired effect in an ethical, kind way. It seems like you have some legitimate complaints. You could try stating them concisely without attributing too much blame to him, but without apology. That might set you up to break contact in a logical way.

Then, if the other person tries to get back in touch, you can refer to the previous conversation where you laid out all your reasons to avoid each other. I wouldn't wait for this to happen, but people sometimes grow and change.