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Kitty4670
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19 May 2017, 1:04 pm

Why it is hard for Aspergers to get over their angry for someone? Other Aspergers people probably can handle it better. I was VERY ANGRY at my sister when we were living together for almost 2 years, she did something to me that I can't forgive her for. Since I'm living on my own again, I learned to calm down & take deep breath, it works & listening to music maybe play games too. I read that Aspergers can change when you get older, when you get older, it more harder to control it. My sister told me, she really knows me, cuz we lived together on & off with our mother in the 80s. I know my sister may know me, but we really haven't lived together since around the late 80s, ALOT have changed since around the late 80s. My mom told me she was in denial about my Cerebral Pasly, she could be in denial about my Asperger too. We stopped living together around the late 80s & we lived together again in 2013, when my mom died. She still claiming she KNOWS me. Months ago, I emailed her, she agreed we may not know each other, now she is changing her story.

How do you people get over for your angry for someone?


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20 May 2017, 2:33 am

I can stay angry at someone but it really depends on what they did and what damaged they had caused.


It took me many years for me to forgive my first boyfriend even though he had apologized but his apology didn't make sense then but after finding out he was a schizophrenic just by looking him up online, I started to forgive him and I think that explains the "manipulation" and the "mind games" and his "laziness." Now his apology makes more sense but now I feel he was never honest with me about his problems. But since he was undiagnosed and he thought he was fine and there was nothing wrong with him, he probably didn't know but yet he was making excuses so he had to know something but couldn't tell me even if he didn't know what was going on and talking about your problems to someone and explaining them can be very difficult if they don't have your illness especially if you aren't diagnosed so you have no label for it. But I forgive him for everything he did. Now I realize my other ex was worse than him. I am still mad at my second boyfriend and will always feel hatred towards her who was a he then when we were together. I have no respect for her and I didn't care if my blog upset her. I just thought "good." I doubt I would ever get a real apology out of her and get closure. Knowing the fact she was a narcissist was a form of closure for me so I didn't take her response personally or seriously because of so much reading I had done about narcissism and their "apologies" and their gaslighting so I knew that is what I was dealing with in her comment. I am not crazy and I didn't imagine things. And it was hilarious she didn't like I had given her a fictional name because she was correcting what her former name was and who she was now as and she didn't seem to like I was referring her as a he in my blog because that is what she was then when we were together. She was living as a guy and identified as male and was she too stupid to get why I was using a different name for her and why I was using the "wrong" pronoun? Only an idiot would post their ex's real name in their blog. I bet if I told her that, she would still be too willful to even listen.

I used to be angry at my mother for other things in my childhood and I had to go to therapy for that because it was really affecting our relationship between me and her. So she made mistakes or did things I didn't agree with so I was angry with her about it. There were also misunderstandings because I had interpreted something wrong or because I had unreasonable expectations for my mother that just were not possible for a parent to do and she wasn't god. My mom actually cried when she found out I saw her as a mean mother because of a story I wrote in my notebook and she read it and I had her portrayed as this mean mom. She brought that issue to my therapist I was seeing and she had to help us work it out. I somehow forgave her. That is why I think all aspies should go to therapy if they have a hard time moving on or can't handle their emotions because they get in the way like something bad happens and it affects them so much they won't go to that spot or have a hard time getting over it. Most people would just move on after being upset about it. Then they get over it. If that person isn't in your life, it doesn't matter. I have had strangers flip me off or strangers yell at me and I feel nothing inside because I don't care, I don't know them so their feelings aren't my concern and I don't stay mad at them. But yet I still fear conflicts with strangers. Maybe because I don't know if they are going to assault me or do something crazy.

So I sometimes stay angry and lot of other times I get over it and move on. I have had co worker issues but I am not angry at them. I just don't feel it but when I remember my ex or when anything reminds me of him, I get triggered and I feel all that anger again and remember how he treated me. My husband reminds me that is why I am not with him. Sometimes I make fun of my ex or make jokes about him still because it helps me feel better. My husband has teased me about him too. He used to tease me about my schizophrenic ex by saying "No wonder you wanted him in diapers, he was an adult baby" because he would always be on the computer playing games and had no motivation in life so my husband would say "he wanted a mommy so he was an adult baby." This was before I knew about his illness. My husband shares some of my humor. I think it's normal to be angry at someone who mistreated you because I see that a lot in victims of abuse. People still being mad at their childhood bullies, people still being mad at their abusive ex's or people still being mad at their abusive parent and I have seen aspies being mad at their parents still for normal parent stuff but yet would act like they were abusive. Then I have seen others who were able to forgive and let go of the anger because Asperger's wasn't known then so their moms did their best and it was not intentional what they did because they didn't know. But if they didn't even try to understand their child or try and seek help for their child to figure out how to parent them or how to teach them and if the parent was flat out abusive, then I think the anger is justified.


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I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


Kitty4670
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20 May 2017, 3:53 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I can stay angry at someone but it really depends on what they did and what damaged they had caused.


It took me many years for me to forgive my first boyfriend even though he had apologized but his apology didn't make sense then but after finding out he was a schizophrenic just by looking him up online, I started to forgive him and I think that explains the "manipulation" and the "mind games" and his "laziness." Now his apology makes more sense but now I feel he was never honest with me about his problems. But since he was undiagnosed and he thought he was fine and there was nothing wrong with him, he probably didn't know but yet he was making excuses so he had to know something but couldn't tell me even if he didn't know what was going on and talking about your problems to someone and explaining them can be very difficult if they don't have your illness especially if you aren't diagnosed so you have no label for it. But I forgive him for everything he did. Now I realize my other ex was worse than him. I am still mad at my second boyfriend and will always feel hatred towards her who was a he then when we were together. I have no respect for her and I didn't care if my blog upset her. I just thought "good." I doubt I would ever get a real apology out of her and get closure. Knowing the fact she was a narcissist was a form of closure for me so I didn't take her response personally or seriously because of so much reading I had done about narcissism and their "apologies" and their gaslighting so I knew that is what I was dealing with in her comment. I am not crazy and I didn't imagine things. And it was hilarious she didn't like I had given her a fictional name because she was correcting what her former name was and who she was now as and she didn't seem to like I was referring her as a he in my blog because that is what she was then when we were together. She was living as a guy and identified as male and was she too stupid to get why I was using a different name for her and why I was using the "wrong" pronoun? Only an idiot would post their ex's real name in their blog. I bet if I told her that, she would still be too willful to even listen.

I used to be angry at my mother for other things in my childhood and I had to go to therapy for that because it was really affecting our relationship between me and her. So she made mistakes or did things I didn't agree with so I was angry with her about it. There were also misunderstandings because I had interpreted something wrong or because I had unreasonable expectations for my mother that just were not possible for a parent to do and she wasn't god. My mom actually cried when she found out I saw her as a mean mother because of a story I wrote in my notebook and she read it and I had her portrayed as this mean mom. She brought that issue to my therapist I was seeing and she had to help us work it out. I somehow forgave her. That is why I think all aspies should go to therapy if they have a hard time moving on or can't handle their emotions because they get in the way like something bad happens and it affects them so much they won't go to that spot or have a hard time getting over it. Most people would just move on after being upset about it. Then they get over it. If that person isn't in your life, it doesn't matter. I have had strangers flip me off or strangers yell at me and I feel nothing inside because I don't care, I don't know them so their feelings aren't my concern and I don't stay mad at them. But yet I still fear conflicts with strangers. Maybe because I don't know if they are going to assault me or do something crazy.

So I sometimes stay angry and lot of other times I get over it and move on. I have had co worker issues but I am not angry at them. I just don't feel it but when I remember my ex or when anything reminds me of him, I get triggered and I feel all that anger again and remember how he treated me. My husband reminds me that is why I am not with him. Sometimes I make fun of my ex or make jokes about him still because it helps me feel better. My husband has teased me about him too. He used to tease me about my schizophrenic ex by saying "No wonder you wanted him in diapers, he was an adult baby" because he would always be on the computer playing games and had no motivation in life so my husband would say "he wanted a mommy so he was an adult baby." This was before I knew about his illness. My husband shares some of my humor. I think it's normal to be angry at someone who mistreated you because I see that a lot in victims of abuse. People still being mad at their childhood bullies, people still being mad at their abusive ex's or people still being mad at their abusive parent and I have seen aspies being mad at their parents still for normal parent stuff but yet would act like they were abusive. Then I have seen others who were able to forgive and let go of the anger because Asperger's wasn't known then so their moms did their best and it was not intentional what they did because they didn't know. But if they didn't even try to understand their child or try and seek help for their child to figure out how to parent them or how to teach them and if the parent was flat out abusive, then I think the anger is justified.



I been very angry at my sister for 4 years, I'm angry at her, cuz she thinks she knows me, cuz we been living together, we been living together on & off in the 80s. She only knows me as a sister, she don't know me as an Asperger person with Cerebral Pasly & Psoriasis. I maybe be her sister, but she don't know me outside the family, some of my family members have problems too. My mom was the only one that accepted me & learn alot about what I have, we were so close. There was a time when I got very angry at her, she treated me so badly, she stopped taking her medication, I didn't know then, but she wasn't acting like herself. My ANGRY got the worse of me, I was still living with my mom, we slowly made up after I moved out of her house, I'm so happy we made up. For a very long time I couldn't be in the same room with her, the first time I saw her in a very long time was in the hospital, when I saw her, she wasn't feeling well, I burst out crying, my sister was crying too. Now that I'm Sooo Angry again, my anger for my sister is 100 times worse than when I was angry at my mom.


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Meistersinger
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20 May 2017, 5:45 pm

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. If you had the choice of the wrath of God, and my wrath, choose the wrath of God, as he is infinitely more merciful when his wrath subsides. Me? I won't be calming down any time soon.


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FandomConnection
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20 May 2017, 6:14 pm

I don't know if I'm angry at my parents. They kept me down in preschool for lack of social skills and lack of fine motor skills, then decided that I am just lazy and selfish and arrogant and heartless - and continue to tell me so - because it was easier than trying to sort of the problem. 11-year-old me even tried to tell them that I have difficulties with social interaction, but was yelled at, blatantly denying it. My mother actually admitted to this.

I guess I'm angry that they chose not to support me, and angry when I think that intervention to help me with social interaction could have made a big difference to my abilities for life. I wouldn't seek revenge or anything, but I don't think I'll stop being angry any time soon.


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20 May 2017, 7:17 pm

I've been an angry child. And had been angry towards the world since, especially when I realized I'm different.

My anger usually starts from 'failure'. So then, I was driven to win -- and I did. But when attention and compliment starts, that's when I start lowering my 'standards'.

Sometime, I lost my love towards my sister at 6. I forgot why... But at one point later, I called her a 'traitor'. I'm still angry at her for whatever reason, but I could help if I ever feel like it.

Possibly why I've been very violent. And why I refuse to change for others. I simply refuse to pull a 'pleasing act' on people or anyone. I knew the consequences of not-masking, but anger towards others won over fear towards others.

And every foolishness I have in high school. Imagine, more than 8 years ago, I'm an intolerant, envious, with quasi-inferiority-superiority complex, a sore loser, and stupid sensitivity out of anxiety of a teenager.
That's when I have anger the most. That's also when fear goes on.
Like anxiety and depression, fear and anger is also a cycle.

I acknowledge my past self and I never deny it. But that does not mean I would like myself of that time then, or stay that way.
So I moved on... And learned how to move on TOO WELL that it mattered a little of what happened.

I'm still fueled with hate and anger to this day. Even if I let go of the memory of events, the 'reasons' for it... But the raw feeling is still there. I just know how to channel anger into energy, and hate to 'belief' without bursting into yelling or 'aggressive body language' or end up internalizing it in some form of grudge/malice. At worse, I just stare or rant quietly...

I lost the reason or even lost the ability to feel envy or get jealous. Probably because I hate those traits even more than anything enough to get rid of it out of me, and be wary of those who are.


In the end, I will never regret that anger drives me and not fear. Sure I live in anger, but better than living in fear if one knows how to master it or use this 'energy' at the 'right time'.
And so I did. :lol:


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**My** own Points.

-Anger drives me, not fear or anxiety.
-Either I'm active but odd like any child or the usual aloof of an adult.
-No references. But that does not mean I'm ignorant: just apathetic enough not to have an opinion!
-My current culture is practically THE Global Expert to the subject of 'Passing'. Not that I'm proud of it... So I knew what IS the difference between coping and adaptation, between acting and integrating, between cultures a double life-like and cultures becoming a part of yourself.
-It matters naught: You are human. If not, then you are mortal.
-I have yet to translate my knowledge to Verbal Terms.
-I'm so bored, I'll just go random and rant nonsense that may or may not make any sense.


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20 May 2017, 10:02 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
Why it is hard for Aspergers to get over their angry for someone? Other Aspergers people probably can handle it better. I was VERY ANGRY at my sister when we were living together for almost 2 years, she did something to me that I can't forgive her for. Since I'm living on my own again, I learned to calm down & take deep breath, it works & listening to music maybe play games too. I read that Aspergers can change when you get older, when you get older, it more harder to control it. My sister told me, she really knows me, cuz we lived together on & off with our mother in the 80s. I know my sister may know me, but we really haven't lived together since around the late 80s, ALOT have changed since around the late 80s. My mom told me she was in denial about my Cerebral Pasly, she could be in denial about my Asperger too. We stopped living together around the late 80s & we lived together again in 2013, when my mom died. She still claiming she KNOWS me. Months ago, I emailed her, she agreed we may not know each other, now she is changing her story.

How do you people get over for your angry for someone?


Sometimes people can't help but to remain angry at something, however if the person who angered you is remorseful, and it's not in their power to change the situation, then personally I don't see a reason to remain angry at them if I can help it. It can be a very powerful thing to forgive someone.



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21 May 2017, 5:06 pm

FandomConnection wrote:
I don't know if I'm angry at my parents. They kept me down in preschool for lack of social skills and lack of fine motor skills, then decided that I am just lazy and selfish and arrogant and heartless - and continue to tell me so - because it was easier than trying to sort of the problem. 11-year-old me even tried to tell them that I have difficulties with social interaction, but was yelled at, blatantly denying it. My mother actually admitted to this.

I guess I'm angry that they chose not to support me, and angry when I think that intervention to help me with social interaction could have made a big difference to my abilities for life. I wouldn't seek revenge or anything, but I don't think I'll stop being angry any time soon.


It must have been very hard at a very young age, I feel bad for you. I was lucky my mom accepted me for what I had.


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Kitty4670
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21 May 2017, 5:08 pm

Meistersinger wrote:
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. If you had the choice of the wrath of God, and my wrath, choose the wrath of God, as he is infinitely more merciful when his wrath subsides. Me? I won't be calming down any time soon.



What are you talking about?


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21 May 2017, 5:16 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
Meistersinger wrote:
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. If you had the choice of the wrath of God, and my wrath, choose the wrath of God, as he is infinitely more merciful when his wrath subsides. Me? I won't be calming down any time soon.



What are you talking about?


You're the one that posted the subject.

When I get angry (and it takes a lot for me to lose it), you're better off suffering the wrath of God. Once God subsides from his righteous anger, he is, at least merciful. I'm not very merciful, no matter how hard I try.

You heard the adage "An elephant never forgets?" Well, I'M THAT ELEPHANT!


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Today, 7:50 am

Persistent anger may be due to never being comforted in a way we can understand.



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Today, 10:49 am

I've been angered by many people in my life. There was one guy that I went to college who would anger me towards the end of my first year in college. I trusted him for months and than he said some nasty things to me and treated me like an idiot. I've recently let go of that anger last year. My mum has had a knack for angering me, my entire life. She thought that she could raise the autism out of me by giving me tough love and she still tries that game on me from time to time. She's got the mindset that many French people or French Canadians have, turning up her nose at people who are different from herself. She does the same thing to my dad as well. I've started to realize that 7 years ago, the night before they left for Las Vegas. It's like what's wrong with her? Is my dad too British for her and am I too German? Be careful who you fall in bed with in your next life, mum if you hate the way I really am. That man might have a little bit of German in him.


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