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I broke the coffee machine, fiance annoyed

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cberg
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20 May 2017, 7:05 pm

As someone with no stronger addiction than caffeine I can actually really say I get a lot from ritualizing my café trips & being routine about them; either I can study my face off, make time for friends or learn things at random from cool people I sit by.


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Chronos
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20 May 2017, 9:59 pm

Irishcanary wrote:
Hi all this morning I accidentally broke the coffee machine as I didnt want to wake my so up to show me how to use it. It was sort of expensive but I didn't really want it, I don't see the point of coffee machines TBH. So I never go interested in how to use it. He wanted it and loved it and is now very understand ably upset. Yet this is going to come back to a rant about how I don't listen or pay attention, and may escalate into personal remarks from him on my behalf. In work atm and do not want to go home to face him. What should I do?


You accidentally broke something your boyfriend loved. Apologize and buy him a new one.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 May 2017, 1:36 am

Aristophanes wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Aristophanes wrote:
If your boyfriend complains tell him you did it on purpose because you believe he has an addiction problem and it would be no different than destroying all his heroin needles if he were a heroin addict and not a coffee addict-- it's a sign that you care for him and love him and will help him get over this addiction...



NO! do not tell him that....that is the worst suggestion yet.

Ok, I've got a better one then. Again tell him it was on purpose because he cares more for the coffee machine than he does for you, and out of jealous rage you broke it. I mean how are you supposed to be in a relationship with a person that values coffee more than you? Then list a litany of grievances you have with him. That's better right?


Now I know why the divorce rate is high in your nation.



Aristophanes
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21 May 2017, 6:53 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Aristophanes wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Aristophanes wrote:
If your boyfriend complains tell him you did it on purpose because you believe he has an addiction problem and it would be no different than destroying all his heroin needles if he were a heroin addict and not a coffee addict-- it's a sign that you care for him and love him and will help him get over this addiction...



NO! do not tell him that....that is the worst suggestion yet.

Ok, I've got a better one then. Again tell him it was on purpose because he cares more for the coffee machine than he does for you, and out of jealous rage you broke it. I mean how are you supposed to be in a relationship with a person that values coffee more than you? Then list a litany of grievances you have with him. That's better right?


Now I know why the divorce rate is high in your nation.


I blame marriage for divorce.



Closet Genious
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21 May 2017, 10:02 am

It's common courtesy that if you break something that is not yours, you pay the costs associated with doing so. How anyone can think otherwise is beyond me. I seriously wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks like that.



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29 May 2017, 11:53 am

Aristophanes wrote:
If your boyfriend complains tell him you did it on purpose because you believe he has an addiction problem and it would be no different than destroying all his heroin needles if he were a heroin addict and not a coffee addict-- it's a sign that you care for him and love him and will help him get over this addiction...
If my girlfriend did that, ESPECIALLY under the pretext of "caring about me" :roll:, she'd be out my life faster than a full garbage bag on collection day. Coffee is a perfectly healthy beverage, definitely better than Coke, and it doesn't become dangerous unless you drink 6+ cups a day. I'm a full-grown man who lived on his own since 2007, and I don't need an authority figure to waltz into my life and ass-u-me [sic] she knows me better than I know myself.



beady
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29 May 2017, 12:25 pm

Apologizing and replacing is the best answer as given above.
Also, arguments that "escalate" into personal remarks can be red flag though another poster seems to have this as a usual part of the argument process.
Its important for you two to learn how to communicate your needs in a safe way. Its natural to be upset initially when your treasured item has been damaged. After that the upset/angry feelings should be finished and a solution worked out. Fear should not be a part of the process.
If he is a mean, angry beast you may want to rethink this relationship. It was a great suggestion above to work on yourself as well, being able to assert yourself without being aggressive.



Aristophanes
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29 May 2017, 12:32 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Aristophanes wrote:
If your boyfriend complains tell him you did it on purpose because you believe he has an addiction problem and it would be no different than destroying all his heroin needles if he were a heroin addict and not a coffee addict-- it's a sign that you care for him and love him and will help him get over this addiction...
If my girlfriend did that, ESPECIALLY under the pretext of "caring about me" :roll:, she'd be out my life faster than a full garbage bag on collection day. Coffee is a perfectly healthy beverage, definitely better than Coke, and it doesn't become dangerous unless you drink 6+ cups a day. I'm a full-grown man who lived on his own since 2007, and I don't need an authority figure to waltz into my life and ass-u-me [sic] she knows me better than I know myself.

newsflash: it was a [joke][/joke].

edit: because obviously that suggestion would escalate things, as would my second suggestion. I'm chalking this up to aspie 'literal thinking'.



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29 May 2017, 2:13 pm

cberg wrote:
As someone with no stronger addiction than caffeine I can actually really say I get a lot from ritualizing my café trips & being routine about them; either I can study my face off, make time for friends or learn things at random from cool people I sit by.


If my boyfriend broke my french press....and his excuse was 'I think you're addicted so I broke it on purpose' I'd be pretty pissed. I don't necessarily drink a lot of coffee but I do like my caffeine in the morning, whether it's tea, coffee, soda or an energy drink, plus I get a headache if I don't because yes I am addicted. If I ever want to rid myself of that dependence I'd have to do it gradually.


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Sweetleaf
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29 May 2017, 2:15 pm

Aristophanes wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
Aristophanes wrote:
If your boyfriend complains tell him you did it on purpose because you believe he has an addiction problem and it would be no different than destroying all his heroin needles if he were a heroin addict and not a coffee addict-- it's a sign that you care for him and love him and will help him get over this addiction...
If my girlfriend did that, ESPECIALLY under the pretext of "caring about me" :roll:, she'd be out my life faster than a full garbage bag on collection day. Coffee is a perfectly healthy beverage, definitely better than Coke, and it doesn't become dangerous unless you drink 6+ cups a day. I'm a full-grown man who lived on his own since 2007, and I don't need an authority figure to waltz into my life and ass-u-me [sic] she knows me better than I know myself.

newsflash: it was a [joke][/joke].

edit: because obviously that suggestion would escalate things, as would my second suggestion. I'm chalking this up to aspie 'literal thinking'.

:lol:


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