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cberg
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12 Jun 2017, 11:48 am

IstominFan wrote:
I have noticed that it is very rare that two nice, like-minded people get together. Usually there is a combination of nice girl/bad boy or nice guy/mean girl. If two like-minded people get together, it tends to be two equally contentious people who get into loud, screaming, sometimes physical fights.


I believe it's only the black & white thinking that starts fights.


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kraftiekortie
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12 Jun 2017, 1:52 pm

There are some women who like "bad-boy" types because they are sort of a "reclamation project" (i.e., they see the vulnerability behind the "macho" stuff), and they also (perhaps secretly)get turned on/aroused by the overtly "machismo" aspect of the man. It doesn't make them "bad women." It makes them somebody who wants to take care of somebody.

And there are some relatively "submissive" men who like women who are relatively blunt, maybe rough, and not extremely feminine in general. This doesn't make them "good men," necessarily, nor the women "bad girls."

I don't think it's an "opposites attract" kind of deal most of the time. It's more like a "people complementing people" sort of deal. All genders have members who seek out somebody who "completes" themselves. One person might be good at science; the other person at literature. They complement each other by "teaching" the other science/literature, thereby making each person more of a "complete" person.



krustykrabpunx
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22 Jan 2018, 7:42 pm

I think the "bad boy" archetype more of a spectrum. It's not exactly true to say it's synonymous with being a sociopath because there are so many different ways to represent a "bad boy." Sometimes it's a specific "look", other times it's more personality-based. There's a difference between a guy with tattoos and piercings who treats his partner like royalty and a guy who dresses like everyone else that constantly tries to tear his own partner down.
Either way, I'm not surprised people are drawn to that type of person, at least on a physical/sexual level.Tons of people do. Heck, why else would the BDSM community be so vast and prominent in our pop-culture? The thing is, the "bad boy" is a fantasy; it's an image people create for themselves in their heads only when it's convenient to do so. There's a certain time and place for that character, otherwise it's just uncomfortable and scary.
Being attracted to that person is one thing, but once you actually get to know the person, you find out that they're just as insecure and annoying as anyone else- if not more. Sooner or later people realize pursuing a full-time "bad boy" is a waste of time. Hopefully, from that point on, they'll look for nice people who they will be sexually compatible with instead.

The savior complex is also a thing. A ton of kids movies teach (mostly) girls that they can make a change in someone's life if they "set their minds to it." They're taught that one of the greatest accomplishments is saving someone from themselves, or giving him a chance when no one else would. That's not how it works, but unfortunately it happens a lot to people in abusive relationships-- especially if those people are autistic. They're not stupid for thinking that they can make someone's problems go away, they're just empathetic and their partner is likely taking advantage of their good will.



bunnyb
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22 Jan 2018, 8:33 pm

First off, I do not like the term sociopath. The argument for it is that these people are a product of society which I do not credit. I prefer the old term, psychopath because I believe it's a psychopathy but I digress, my image of a bad boy isn't a socio/psychopath. For me it's personified by a guy called Daniel. Man, he was sex on legs. He made women go weak at the knees just by walking in the room and the b#stard knew it lol. He was absolutly magnetic.
He helped me train horses and sometimes that meant getting up close and personal and when he was being his most distracting, he would give me his incredibly sexy, knowing smile that was exquisite torture! But, I knew he was the human equivalent of a Tom cat. He could never settle for just one woman. He loved all women and that's why he was a bad boy. He would have been fun but he was a heartbreaker.
The psychopath bad boys people are referring to here to me are not bad boys. They are just ar#eholes and I do not fathom how any woman can be attracted to them but the world is made up of all sorts of people.


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24 Jan 2018, 1:53 pm

A "bad boy" is not neccessarily a socio/psychopath, psychopathy is an actual psychiactric diagnosis and is another term for someone with anti-social personality disorder. The term "bad boy" is a societal label placed on someone by others, and is usually formed by the outward image one projects, often in terms of fashion choices.

To me, if I'm being honest, your post reads like a typical "Nice Guy" theorem. I've been told I date "bad boys" by guys who liked me but whom I didn't like back, which is hysterical. My last boyfriend was too afraid of confrontation to tell someone they'd sat in our seats at the theatre. "Bad boy" is just a pejorative placed on men who are often:

A) Very attractive (I've noticed dark haired men get called "bad boys" more often)

B) Free thinking/Non-conforming in some way (perhaps he goes to punk concerts or heavy metal concerts, or has a motorcycle, or smokes weed, etc.)

C) Popular with women

D) Outgoing, though not always charming.

Most of the time, when I've had a guy question me on why I date so-called bad boys, and then proceeded to label who I was dating as a "bad boy", they do so from a position of little to no information. Most didn't even know them and had only seen them on my social media or in passing with me. If they did know him, none were actually friends with him or had spent any considerable amount of time with him.

So, I will tell you what I've told guys in the past who start in with the bad boy thing: I have a type, as does every girl. I like dating attractive, outgoing, intelligent, and spontaneous men who think for themselves. Women find these traits attractive. Obviously every girl likes different things, but simplifying it as "bad boys are XYZ and that's why girls date them instead of me" is simply a way to avoid looking critically at yourself and how you can improve yourself to be more appealing as a potential partner.



smudgedhorizon
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03 Feb 2018, 5:51 pm

I personally don't.
I've found a YouTube video that says we're attracted to people who resemble our parents. If a person is perfect and good for you, you're less likely to fall in love with them. You will search for problems and difficulties in relationship that you have experienced in relationships with your family.
I quite agree. I always notice people who look like my parents. And me and my family have inside jokes only we understand. So I spot and appreciate similar sense of humor. But I don't like bad feature in people, like arrogance, bigotry, cruelty and so on.
I also am attracted to women because as a kid I had a very close bond with a female friend.


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ZZZTired
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03 Feb 2018, 6:05 pm

I'm a bad boy and does it look like I am getting any girlfriends? No it doesn't. In fact, I'm look at even more as a jerk than before, and more good girls want to stay as far away as possible from me. Nobody likes being around depressed, angry, and emotionless people.



white_as_snow
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03 Feb 2018, 6:53 pm

its funny how women complain about guys being mean all the time and still they choose this tough guys as bf.