"Never talk to me again"

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If someone tells you to never speak to them again, is it a bad idea to apologize to them? Could they get you in legal trouble just for apologizing?

I wouldn't apologize. I'm actually good for my word. If someone tells me to never speak to them again, I'll carve that in stone and make it so. They'll never hear another peep out of Robin.

Re: legal trouble. This would happen only if they've filed an order of protection/no contact order against you and you decide to talk to them again.

They could still report you to the police for harassment.

If a person does not want to hear any more from you, ever, then you should assume that includes apologies. At that point, the apology would only make you feel better, but for the other person it would just break a boundary. They do not owe you forgiveness.

Either that, or the person said "I never want to speak to you again" in a fit of anger. It might not mean that the friendship is over. It depends on the situation.

Still....don't apologize. Wait for the other person to make overtures.

They only give orders of protection to people who prove they are threatened by the subject of the order of protection. They don't just give them out casually.

In my opinion, no person is so good that they can say that and be forgiven. Plenty of other people in the world to talk to.

I think it depends on the type of person and what the situation was that caused them to say this.

If what they said was just something stated in a fit of anger, then I would give it some time and approach them with an apology. Give them time to cool down, whether you think they need hours, days or longer (depending on what you has upset them).

If you think legitimately meant it, respect their wishes.

Maybe eventually you could send them a written apology. I've read that hand written letters are viewed with more respect than sometihing like an email or IM.

Do keep in mind that they might not read it, refuse acknowledge what they read or refuse to accept the apology. As someone above said, they do not owe you forgiveness. In fact, I see apologizing with the expectation of automatic forgiveness as not something to make up with the other person so much as to make you feel better about what you did. If you do apologize, you should do it because you mean it, whether they forgive you or not.

if someone says not to speak to them and you do, even for the best reasons, they can charge you with harassment. especially by telephone. almost happened to me.

Well how strongly do you feel about the person? And how badly would you feel if you could never apologize to the person or try to explain to him or her why you did what you did?

A month ago, I had a friend tell me in an online message " I cannot be more clear when I say this, please do not contact me again." However, I feel really strongly about him, even though we don't know each other very well. I unintentionally offended him due to miscommunication and misunderstanding of my intentions and maybe even my friend's own intentions. And no doubt, my Asperger's contributed to the conflict between us, even though he doesn't really understand my Asperger's. I also think that my friend may have issues of his own. Now it may be futile and even counterproductive for me to continue to try to contact him and patch things up with him. But my friend is such a good guy and I got such a good first impression of him the first time that we met, that I really want to do everything that I can to try to make up with him. There is also a real possibility that my friend and I will work with each other in the future. So for at least that reason, I want to try to make up with my friend.

Last edited by futuresoldier1944 on 22 May 2017, 5:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I frankly disagree that they do not owe you forgiveness if you are sincerely apologetic. The other person doesn't have the right to hold a grudge against you. However, there is always the possibility that the other person has some pre-existing issues that affects how he or she views you and what you have done.

On what basis so you require forgiveness? Regarding your friend you mentioned above, if he made a mistake in your opinion, that's also within his rights to do, and you have the right to deal with it in your own. No one owes you a second of their lives, no matter how you feel. It's their life!

This applies to voluntary associations, and not to contracts or parents and their minor children, of course.

I am dealing with my friend's mistake as much as I am dealing with my own mistake. And I'm not saying that he owes me forgiveness. He doesn't really understand what he's done or what I've done and it's the same thing with me. As I said, it's all just a big misunderstanding. However, for some reason, my friend hasn't been moved to talk to me again. As far as I know, he hasn't forgiven me yet, but I have asked him for his forgiveness. And the only reason that I'm continuing to try to reach out to him and make up with him is that he initiated our relationship. He came on strong to me during our first meeting and even before we met in person. But for whatever reason, his behavior changed radically after we first met. And his behavior wasn't helped by my own behavior.

I'm sure that you weren't trying to be rude, but you shouldn't be judgmental toward me, the OP, or anybody else on this forum. Most of us have Asperger's/autism or a similar condition and many of us have had similar frustrating social situations in which nice people whom we really like turn on us because they don't understand our Asperger's and how it affects our behavior. Now that doesn't mean that we shouldn't try to practice better social skills, but it would be nice if you could have more sympathy for us. And before you try to judge me further, I want to say that the conflict between my friend and I has forced me to realize that I need to find an Asperger's support group.

There are many aspies more judgmental than I, and many less so. I don't like your tone, either.

I said no one owes you forgiveness. You disagreed, right? The sincerity of your contrition might elicit forgiveness, and I absolutely advocate expressing sincere contrition where appropriate. I do not consider it appropriate to impose an apology on an unwilling recipient. Other people get the right to their personal space JUST LIKE YOU DO.

Yes, it is a bad idea to apologize to them. It is more important to give them some space and show that you respect boundaries than saying anything. It can be a different way of apologizing.

I'm sorry that you don't like my tone. I wasn't trying to intentionally offend you. In fact, I rarely try to intentionally offend people. And my contritions to my friend were totally sincere, or at least they were in my opinion. However, none of my sincere apologies have moved my friend. I have also tried to give him the personal space that I was inconsiderate of earlier, if only unintentionally, but he still hasn't responded in kind. It's not just that he doesn't understand me, which I completely get. I don't really understand him either. But it's like he doesn't want to understand me or listen to me, which is so frustrating for me to wrap my mind around. Because I want to understand him and learn more about him if he would only let me.

FWIW, those sound like good intentions. However, as frustrating as people find it, our actions get judged by their impact, not by our intent.

I'll add a saying that has served me well: the first step in getting out of a hole is to stop digging.