The confused mind

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All my life I need confused on what is wrong with me mentally.

Some thing I am a HFA leaning toward intellectual disability comorbid. However thanks to my parents being lazy and never bothering to get me proper help I never been certain and the doctor I see today borders on it.

I always been acceptable with who I was mentally even if it made people dislike me because I thought differently and had a tendency to babble impulsively on random subjects that I had interest in.

That was until 2012 when my symptoms of OCD and intrusive thoughts hit me with crippling anxiety (Depression too but I been prone to it since 16 due to bullying issues).

And I become emotionally blunt lately. I have trouble recognizing the feelings I am and should feel.

I have trouble associating myself to other peoples problems. When in the past I could at times tell if someone was sad because I gained an old friend that way. I saw her sitting on her own a couple of times and approached her to give her company. Or I would ask if they were alright (Even if I tended to get lashed back at for doing so). When I was younger I can remember my great grandmother tripping and me being emotionally blunt about it.

I have a closer relationship with my grandmother but very little with my parents. None with my father. Somewhat with my mother and none with my siblings. They always bothered me but I can tolerate my brothers. I cannot tolerate my sister however. And for some reason I have great hate for her. I cannot tell if it is out of jealousy for how she gets treated while I feel pushed aside. I have no answer for it.

I've always loved animals.

But lately I lash out in great anger if they do something that annoys me. (I think I learned this habit from my father because that was what he would do to our dog when I was a kid. He had anger management problems too)But I still love it when I see animals. I adore the husky puppy across the street and can stand for hours at the front door just to catch a glimpse of him in the window. I always feel the need to touch a dog or cat I see in person. I always been for animal rights.

But since 2012 I been blunted.

And if I look back I have thoughts that tell me I just think I was that way in the past and I try and find things that showed I am just as my thoughts tell me I am.

I have intrusive thoughts of violence and I at times freak out and have anxiety then I don't.

I am completely apathetic to violence in society anymore like i am desensitized.

I am not the typical HFA I read about online. I have only some of the systems and so many people say you need to have them all.

Can people with autism also develop personality disorders if they are emotionally abused through life or something like that?

I can't think straight.

I'm just blunted.

You do not have to have all the traits but most of them to be diagnosed wth Autism.

Having co-occurring conditions known as co-morbid conditions in addition to autism is very common.

These are some of the most common but certainly not the only co-morbids
OCD is one of them.

Emotional abuse often causes mental problems for those that are victims of it.

I can not answer what is wrong with you based on one post.

Is there any chance you can convince your parents or school to get you a psychological assessment?