Is it wrong to only want friends for business purposes only

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HenryGramer
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24 May 2017, 9:48 pm

Recently I let my sister and bro-in-law know that I cut some friends out of my life due to "business purposes". Business purposes being that they are not beneficial to my rising music ventures as well as other things I consider liabilities (e.g. sexual harassment, constantly flaking on me, etc.).

After letting them know, they got pissed off and told me that that was the reason I don't hold down jobs and that that is a horrible attitude to have.


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banana247
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24 May 2017, 11:45 pm

Not sure because I don't know the full story, but from what I gather here, it seems like you may just be having some communication issues. "Not benefitting your business" and "sexual harassment" are two very different issues, like night and day. In your post, you seem to have those lumped together into one issue. Dropping "friends" because they don't benefit your business is definitely a jerk move and basically makes you a "user", but distancing yourself from people who have habits that threaten your personal safety or could damage your career by association is whole different story. If you are a professional or trying to "make it" in some industry, it can definitely be harmful to your future to associate with people who are partiers, super immature, commit crimes, etc.

Another thing to consider, if people aren't necessary harmful but maybe just not involved in your daily life or not sharing your goals or interests, that doesn't mean you have to stop being friends. It's just fine for people to drift from each other and it's common that people put the most effort into upkeeping their most prominent relationships such as those with current coworkers. You can still stay friends so that eventually when you run into them again, you can be friendly and engage with each other. You never know when people will come around again and enter your life in unexpected ways, so it's always a good idea to maintain relationships and avoid burning bridges.



HenryGramer
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25 May 2017, 3:43 am

You know lately I've been applying business and economics thinking to relationships these days. Some of the other friends that I recently got rid of was because I hadn't talk to them for a year and I felt distant around them. Plus on top of that flakey. I tried to tell them that I'm changing my habits for how I am making friends by focusing more on making it in music (while trying to find a decent paying job at a music firm or some BS) and forming personal boundaries based how I would run a business.

Truthfully, I prefer friendships involving 80% business and 20% emotional BS. I simply don't like connecting with folks too emotionally. Too many social errors and bad behaviors.


_________________
I'm finally coming to terms with the Aspergers identity but am now needing help with how to navigate it.

ND score: 131/200
NT score: 58/200

Says I'm Aspie...

Please don't type of paragraphs in response to my questions or replies because that will overwhelm my mind and make me not want to read your responses.


BrokenPieces
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27 May 2017, 10:38 pm

You want acquaintences, not friendships. So you should find people on the same page with you as far as having a strictly professional relationship.

People assume when making friends that both parties want an emotional and personal connection. If you don't want that, you should tell people.



banana247
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28 May 2017, 8:49 am

Based on what you've said, I think this is it...

BrokenPieces wrote:
You want acquaintences, not friendships. So you should find people on the same page with you as far as having a strictly professional relationship.

People assume when making friends that both parties want an emotional and personal connection. If you don't want that, you should tell people.


Oh the irony. In my sorry pursuit of friends, I seem to only ever end up with acquaintances. Ha :-( Too bad I can't just "trade" with you.