Diagnosed but still not sure

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Hi there!

I'm Csaba, 29, male, and I've been diagnosed with asperger's syndrome, but I'm still not sure about it.

So i struggled with social interactions throughout my whole life, but i always thought that it's my fault somehow, and i just have to learn how to do it, and things were kinda fine, till i got my first job. That was a really rough time, and these social problems started to come back again. I got super paranoid, and that was when i started to do my research to find out what is wrong with me. Then i found Asperger's syndrome. I did not do anything that time about it, but after 4 years I kinda confessed to my family, and they said that i should get diagnosed, so i did. The result of the MMPI test was high in the schizophrenic field (and in some others), and my IQ is 126, though VQ is 116 and PQ is 136. Anyway I've been diagnosed with Asperger's, though I'm not sure about it, cause I am very polite, I rarely do rude things (not sure if it was true when i was a kid, cause i was beaten up by other kids a lot of times, but i don't really know why). So I am still unsure about it as i am unsure about almost every aspect of life.

Thanks for reading!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

You may be intelligent enough to remember what things your can and cannot do socially, so you rarely do rude things. Being polite may be a passive avoidance mechanism, to compensate for social deficiencies caused by Aspergers. Can you recognize faces or body language?

It doesn't sound like that but it's actually a hard question. I know that if a girl turns her body towards me, that means she's interested in me, but i know this because I've read about it. Also I rarely realize if someone is lying, and I rarely can tell if someone is joking without laughing (they can tell me some huge BS, if they doesn't show any sign of joking, I take it seriously, then they tell me it was a joke, and i am so naive or stupid). I also often find people making faces while looking at me and i just can't figure out what they mean. Confusions like these can create a huge tension in me if I can't talk about it with the person involved in the situation, and it just keeps getting worst and worst. Usually up to the point when I get to the (false?) conclusion that they were constantly lying to me and making a fool of me. And this is the point where I start feeling paranoid. Then I usually try to convince myself that they are not making a fool of me, but then i left with the question why am I so paranoid? So it's a constant struggle between paranoia and being a fool. The doctor who diagnosed me told me that she is quite sure that I am not paranoid. Which means i was a fool all along and it annoys me soooo much! Also it just crushes my ego, cause i know that it will happen again and again and again.