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lazyflower
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28 May 2017, 12:07 pm

How do you deal with a friend - who doesn't know you're autistic - saying or doing some that you find ableist and mocks people with disabilities.

I'm pretty sure they were "only" joking and isn't actually against us with disabilities such as autism. It still bugs me a lot though. They're a really close friend of mine and I'm sort of disappointed in them now.

They're my only friend who doesn't know I'm autistic and I've actually liked that. I completely accept my diagnosis but having everyone see me as autistic became a bit much. I'd prefer not telling them the truth. Especially now that I know they're not the most respectful towards the topic. I know I should just dump them if they turn out to be disrespectful but their friendship is very important to me. I don't know what to do.

What do you people think?



League_Girl
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28 May 2017, 1:56 pm

Why not just tell them how you feel. Maybe they don't realize how insulting you find them so you are just stringing them along by acting like you are okay with it by not setting your foot down about it and not telling them how their humor makes you feel. if you just all of a sudden broke up with your friend telling them how abliest they are and bigoted they would wonder why you acted okay with it and pretended to be okay with it and waited until the last minute to tell them. i would be annoyed with it too if someone actually did that to me and it has happened to me before but not over the same thing but over other things. They wouldn't even tell me I was bothering them or they were having a problem with what i was doing only to tell me later after they had hurt me so I then feel mislead and played along and lied to because I don't understand why they would go along with it if they weren't okay with it.


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CockneyRebel
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28 May 2017, 8:49 pm

I think you should tell him how you feel now.


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leejosepho
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28 May 2017, 11:19 pm

lazyflower wrote:
They're a really close friend of mine and I'm sort of disappointed in them now.

Ask for his or her permission to ask about something he or she has done that has troubled you a bit, say nothing at all about your "disappointment" -- you are not his or her judge -- and then be willing and fully-prepared to completely drop the entire matter in a heartbeat without comment if you get a negative reaction or response. If your friend wants to know your personal concern and/or opinion, he or she will ask.


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starkid
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29 May 2017, 10:22 pm

You can tell your friend that you don't like those kinds of jokes without saying that you are autistic.


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JohnnyLurg
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29 May 2017, 10:28 pm

I'm in a similar boat... I have a coworker who knows I'm autistic but still calls me "awkward" and makes fun of me for having a monotone voice, stuttering when I'm nervous, or having meltdowns.



starkid
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29 May 2017, 10:34 pm

JohnnyLurg wrote:
I'm in a similar boat... I have a coworker who knows I'm autistic but still calls me "awkward" and makes fun of me for having a monotone voice, stuttering when I'm nervous, or having meltdowns.


Someone teasing you personally while knowing about your condition seems worse than the OPs situation.


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