My manager and I aren't talking, not sure if I'll be fired

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

frostkitten
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2

29 May 2017, 7:06 pm

This is one of my first posts here because I haven't gotten advice anywhere else, no one seems to understand. Tldr: I met my new manager in college and started working for her part time in fast food but I'm not sure where I stand right now. I'm not getting consistent hours and her and I are barely talking. I have a feeling she has the wrong impression about me and just wants me to quit. I'm kind of freaking out, I'm not sure if I'm obsessing over her or if this is a "normal" concern either.


So I'm 22, my boss is 24. I met her in a college class and and eventually asked if I could work at her fast food place. I got a job and things were fine at first, she was really friendly and personable (in class too). Now the past few weeks or so things have really declined between us. She started showing me less and less acknowledgment in class/at work. At work we basically are not talking at all aside from her giving me tasks or me asking work related questions! She doesn't say hi or ask me any personal questions, nothing, there's no effort to try to converse with me, I swear I rarely even get a "hey how are you doing x" unless I ask first. I legitimately pulled out every stop trying to relate to her and get to know her (As best I could at least, of course I really struggle at communicating/expressing myself..). She is friendly/playful with coworkers right in front of me, this isn't just how she acts towards everyone. Obviously it has to be because I'm "me". I'm just having a hard time relating to her personally; this is the first time I've had a manager that's close in age to me while also being someone I could be friends with.

Work wise I think things have been going fine, I do everything I'm asked of (maybe to a fault?). I think as a relatively new employee I've done well. I feel like she/the managers are mad I ask questions about everything.. I just don't want to do things the wrong way.. I've been given many of the "bad" jobs such as changing all the trash cans, picking up trash in parking lot, even scrubbing the parking lot to get rid of grease stains, she sent me out in the rain clean the lot a few weeks ago. My shifts started out between 4-6 hours but now I seem to just be getting 4 hours or less each shift. Today I was scheduled for a 3 hour shift and they told me they didn't need me to come in because it was slow.. My confidence has plummeted, I feel worthless when asked to pick up trash or something. I'm so ready to work and show them what I'm made of but I'm not even getting a chance..

I think a few things could be going on - maybe I've given my manager the wrong impression by seeming to only talk to her about college or work (I did it in an effort to relate to her, and the thing is - I totally want to be friends with her, I wasn't just trying to use her to get a job, if that's how she sees this) and/or perhaps some awkward comments I've made have changed how she looks at me. I'm often sarcastic (in a friendly way..) but sometimes I think I may come off as a dick. I've also said a few things that may have come out the wrong way and probably did not make myself look too favorable in her eyes. She's the general manager of the store, I feel like there has to be a correlation between her, my hours, why we aren't talking etc..

I just want to ask her what's been going on, if my job is safe, if I can get more consistent hours etc. but I'm really nervous/hesitant to do this. I'm shutting down around her now, I'm getting nervous to speak to her. Like I said, we basically aren't talking at this point. There are about 40 employees here, I can't act like everything she does it based on me, but there has to be some explanation to what's been going on. I don't know why this is happening, is it even something I should actually confront her about? I'm about a month and a half into this job and it's been a shaky start, certainly not what I was planning on. This is driving me nuts, I can't get it out of my mind. She's my new boss! I want to get along with her, or of course be friends with her.

Looking for advice/opinions on how to handle this. Thank you all



Britte
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,136
Location: @

29 May 2017, 7:43 pm

This might sound a bit presumptuous or jumping the gun, per se, but, from what you've described/your description of the chain of events and your boss's behaviors (particularly, what stands out to me, is her positive interactions with other employees, in front of you, while giving you the cold shoulder (not that you used those words)), I think you might do best turning your thoughts around/ease up on introspecting and blaming yourself for the way things have transpired, and, instead, think about how your boss's behavior/changes in behavior towards you, has contributed to the situation and, in turn, your nervousness and doubt, etcetera. I, too often, blame myself for the outcomes of situations, and, then, down the road, I become aware of things that had happened, that had nothing to do with me, or anything I had personally, done, but, rather the other person who had been causing unnecessary drama and purposefully manipulating situation(s), people, etcetera. I was once hired (as a scapegoat), to do a job that I was highly experienced at, for a company who, unbeknownst to me, was about to be audited, and they tried to systematically, break me down, make me question myself, etcetera, in an attempt to use me to blame, for their own wrongdoing. Not that I am thinking this is what is going on at your job, but, rather, an example of how things can transpire in the work place (and other environments. But, not in every workplace, of course, so don't worry).

Keep to yourself and do your best work, and start looking for a different job, so you don't have to go through the mental gymnastics that you are experiencing at this juncture. Just my 2 cents. Best wishes to you!



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,469
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

29 May 2017, 8:18 pm

Britte wrote:
This might sound a bit presumptuous or jumping the gun, per se, but, from what you've described/your description of the chain of events and your boss's behaviors (particularly, what stands out to me, is her positive interactions with other employees, in front of you, while giving you the cold shoulder (not that you used those words)), I think you might do best turning your thoughts around/ease up on introspecting and blaming yourself for the way things have transpired, and, instead, think about how your boss's behavior/changes in behavior towards you, has contributed to the situation and, in turn, your nervousness and doubt, etcetera. I, too often, blame myself for the outcomes of situations, and, then, down the road, I become aware of things that had happened, that had nothing to do with me, or anything I had personally, done, but, rather the other person who had been causing unnecessary drama and purposefully manipulating situation(s), people, etcetera. I was once hired (as a scapegoat), to do a job that I was highly experienced at, for a company who, unbeknownst to me, was about to be audited, and they tried to systematically, break me down, make me question myself, etcetera, in an attempt to use me to blame, for their own wrongdoing. Not that I am thinking this is what is going on at your job, but, rather, an example of how things can transpire in the work place (and other environments. But, not in every workplace, of course, so don't worry).

Keep to yourself and do your best work, and start looking for a different job, so you don't have to go through the mental gymnastics that you are experiencing at this juncture. Just my 2 cents. Best wishes to you!



Well seems like early on you had the choice between trying to befriending her or working for her...and you opted to work for her. I mean not saying that its impossible a boss and employee could be friends, but its not common at all. Perhaps she thought you were being 'too' friendly for a boss/employee dynamic and that has effected things..or even worse she may think you wanted to work for her to get her to date you or something. I don't know there is a reason people say 'your boss can't be your friend' I mean how can you be the boss of your friend? Friendship is a more even relationship where both parties are equals...not where one has more authority than the other.

Also bad jobs? taking out the trash, picking up trash around the business and scrubbing the parking lot aren't even that bad for one...but I mean it's work someone needs to do it and you signed up to work there. Sounds like you took it to be an insult, and perhaps she picked up on that and was disappointed. I would probably be kind of disappointed to if I was a boss and my employee complained or had a bad attitude about doing work that needs done.

But really asking to work for someone isn't a good way to make friends with them....that immediately causes an employee/boss dynamic that is not conducive to friendship or relationships for that matter.


_________________
We won't go back.


Britte
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,136
Location: @

29 May 2017, 10:50 pm

^Hi Sweetleaf. He put "bad" (jobs) in quotes, so, in essence, he was putting across, that those jobs are generally, perceived as 'bad', but, it doesn't appear that he complained, or had a bad attitude about handling those tasks. In fact, it seems quite the contrary. To me, anyway.

I'm not sure if you inadvertently quoted my comment, or, if there was a reason, but, I will just say that I recognize some of frostkitten's manager's behaviors that he's mentioned, as behaviors that can exist in covertly manipulative people. I've also learned that some people can think in quite opportunistic terms, and perhaps, upon inquiring about a job, frostkitten's classmate/manager had some opportunistic thoughts go through her head. He hadn't asked to be treated like he is invisible or unworthy and he certainly doesn't deserve to be. Whatever the reason is, for her change in behavior, it doesn't seem worth enduring her unkindness towards him. From my perspective, life is too short to endure being shunned, or mistreatment of any kind. Onward...



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

01 Jun 2017, 7:46 pm

frostkitten wrote:
This is one of my first posts here because I haven't gotten advice anywhere else, no one seems to understand. Tldr: I met my new manager in college and started working for her part time in fast food but I'm not sure where I stand right now. I'm not getting consistent hours and her and I are barely talking. I have a feeling she has the wrong impression about me and just wants me to quit. I'm kind of freaking out, I'm not sure if I'm obsessing over her or if this is a "normal" concern either.


So I'm 22, my boss is 24. I met her in a college class and and eventually asked if I could work at her fast food place. I got a job and things were fine at first, she was really friendly and personable (in class too). Now the past few weeks or so things have really declined between us. She started showing me less and less acknowledgment in class/at work. At work we basically are not talking at all aside from her giving me tasks or me asking work related questions! She doesn't say hi or ask me any personal questions, nothing, there's no effort to try to converse with me, I swear I rarely even get a "hey how are you doing x" unless I ask first. I legitimately pulled out every stop trying to relate to her and get to know her (As best I could at least, of course I really struggle at communicating/expressing myself..). She is friendly/playful with coworkers right in front of me, this isn't just how she acts towards everyone. Obviously it has to be because I'm "me". I'm just having a hard time relating to her personally; this is the first time I've had a manager that's close in age to me while also being someone I could be friends with.

Work wise I think things have been going fine, I do everything I'm asked of (maybe to a fault?). I think as a relatively new employee I've done well. I feel like she/the managers are mad I ask questions about everything.. I just don't want to do things the wrong way.. I've been given many of the "bad" jobs such as changing all the trash cans, picking up trash in parking lot, even scrubbing the parking lot to get rid of grease stains, she sent me out in the rain clean the lot a few weeks ago. My shifts started out between 4-6 hours but now I seem to just be getting 4 hours or less each shift. Today I was scheduled for a 3 hour shift and they told me they didn't need me to come in because it was slow.. My confidence has plummeted, I feel worthless when asked to pick up trash or something. I'm so ready to work and show them what I'm made of but I'm not even getting a chance..

I think a few things could be going on - maybe I've given my manager the wrong impression by seeming to only talk to her about college or work (I did it in an effort to relate to her, and the thing is - I totally want to be friends with her, I wasn't just trying to use her to get a job, if that's how she sees this) and/or perhaps some awkward comments I've made have changed how she looks at me. I'm often sarcastic (in a friendly way..) but sometimes I think I may come off as a dick. I've also said a few things that may have come out the wrong way and probably did not make myself look too favorable in her eyes. She's the general manager of the store, I feel like there has to be a correlation between her, my hours, why we aren't talking etc..

I just want to ask her what's been going on, if my job is safe, if I can get more consistent hours etc. but I'm really nervous/hesitant to do this. I'm shutting down around her now, I'm getting nervous to speak to her. Like I said, we basically aren't talking at this point. There are about 40 employees here, I can't act like everything she does it based on me, but there has to be some explanation to what's been going on. I don't know why this is happening, is it even something I should actually confront her about? I'm about a month and a half into this job and it's been a shaky start, certainly not what I was planning on. This is driving me nuts, I can't get it out of my mind. She's my new boss! I want to get along with her, or of course be friends with her.

Looking for advice/opinions on how to handle this. Thank you all


You can ask her about these things, and discuss your concerns, but in my personal experience, and given the type of work you do, I don't think it would result in the outcome you are hoping for.

Suppose your manage is unhappy with you for some reason. Her deficit of people management skills is preventing her from handling the situation properly. A good manager will approach you to address an issue with you before it becomes very problematic. People who are not really great managers often tend to keep quite on the issue that's bothering them, and their emotions build and express in non-verbal or passive aggressive ways. When the employee approaches one of these individuals to seek answers to their perceived poor treatment, these individuals tend to do either one of two things. 1. Deny there is a problem even though there is, and try to find a way to fire the employee. 2. React in a hostile manner to the employee as they detail all the ways they are dissatisfied.

I think the bottom line is that you are not happy at your place of employment, and that alone, regardless of whether or not your manager is unhappy with you, is reason enough to look for a different job. Honestly, you are in food service...it's not a job worth putting up with a hostile environment for, and these jobs have high turn over rates as it is. Go fill some applications out elsewhere and see if you get any call backs. If they ask why you want to leave your current job, you can just say you need more hours and you aren't getting the hours you were promised.