Human security blankets, am I the only one?
puzzledoll
Snowy Owl
Joined: 10 Apr 2017
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 167
Location: the mountains by the ocean
I am not sure if this is my anxiety or my asd or both, but when I go new places or places where I may need to interact with people I like to have a person I can trust to take care of me if I freeze up or do something wrong or get overwhelmed. Just in general, I like always knowing someone is around both to chat with and to just know they are there just in case. Having someone out with me makes me function better also, so it sort of reinforces itself.
I don't always "have to have" a person, but i definitely do better when i have "my person" in any given setting, ESPECIALLY at parties. I don't like to go alone, i need the security of "my person", like you said. Some days, I am able to branch out and be super social, and other times I get freaked out and just have to stick by my person, but either way, I feel much more secure knowing that i have a "person" at the event with me. It's sort of like having a home base, or the spot that's "safe" when you play tag. "My person" is someone who knows about my anxiety and social difficulties, even if they don't know about my ASD, and they can at least understand when i'm having trouble.
For my life in general, my best friend/sister is MY PERSON and i feel infinitely better when she's around no matter the circumstances. I would always choose to have her with me over anyone else, but it's not possible for her to be around all the time now... in her absence, i've noticed that i do tend to attach to one person in a friend group, work or school setting, etc. It has to be someone who meshes well with me, so i don't always find someone to bond with and be "my person". When that happens, my anxiety is definitely higher and i definitely miss out on more activities and fun. I've never thought to think of it as a "security blanket", but I guess it kind of is.
I can relate to this, while I can go out by myself, it's always a much harder and more daunting experience I feel. For me, it's always been my mum whose served in this role as she knows me best and knows how to read my moods so knows when I'm reaching my breaking/meltdown point, can distract me from negative thoughts and generally keep me somewhat sane and stable.
It's only recently that I've been fortunate enough to be put in touch with advocacy and volunteer mentor support groups in my own area, people who I can get to know and can get to know me, specifically for the purpose of going to places with me that might just be to much for me to handle, such as appointments and things, or even just sitting down and having a chat with if I'm feeling low.
Advocates and the supporters don't speak for you per se, but can help explain things if you've asked them for that in advance, they can fill in the blanks and explain things if you've given them that permission, or they can just fill in the silence while you get your mind and words in order in your head and take a moment to de-stress yourself.
I'm looking forward to having them supporting me going forward since it means the burden isn't put solely on my mum any more, especially at her time of life. It's a relief.
leejosepho
Veteran
Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,011
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
My wife is that person for me, and the folks at the nearby hardware store would likely have called an ambulance if she had not been with me just a few days ago. I was able to go in and find what I needed, but by that time I was overloaded and shutting down and could barely make it out to the car while she waited for someone to cut the piece of tubing so she could pay for it and we could be on our way. However, I do still make short trips to stores and such one-at-a-time as long as I know I can be in and back out without any difficulties or unexpected challenges. I recently made a trip to the auto parts store by myself to purchase a single socket I needed, but then my wife came along to another store to help where I knew I would likely have to stand in line for a bit and then try to carry my purchase on out to the car while walking with crutches.
My point: Do what you can on your own to help avoid convincing yourself you can do nothing on your own, but there is nothing at all wrong with having a willing friend or someone along to help assure a successful trip and your safe return.
_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
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RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,932
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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