Do you feel that being female Asperger's was easier for you?

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Yes and no.

I was/am highly gifted so some of my idiosyncratic traits were chalked up to that. I'm also artistically gifted so that excused a lot of my eccentric qualities.

The down side is I spent years suffering from severe social anxiety to the point of fainting when I had to stand up in front of others. I ran the gamut of dx's: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depression, Social Anxiety, MD II, situational stressors, etc,... No one seemed to know what was wrong with me or why I felt the way I did - which at the time made me feel even worse.

I still have never obtained an official dx and it wasn't until I had to research how to help my own child obtain an IEP that I realized I was one of the many female Aspies that went undiagnosed. However, my childhood made me hyper aware to behavioral and social situations, which is beneficial when one is pursuing a degree in Psychology. I probably would not have went down this path if it wasn't for all the hardships I faced - that's my silver lining and what I choose to focus on.

I guess what makes my life with AS easier are some obvious talents. Being really good in something makes others more tolerant to your shortcomings. It applies to males exactly the same way. Or maybe it even affects the males more, as they are more supposed to specialize.
I'm happy my society does not confine me to "typically female" activities, as my talents are mostly in STEM.

I haven't got a diagnosis but think there are too many parallels with my life/traits for it to not be true on some level. Like some of you I had abilities in one area (music) and spent most of my childhood and adolescence with my focus on this. It was quite a useful survival tool looking back - I might not have had any friends and been viewed as odd but people treated me better and also gave me much needed attention because of it. Also it was the perfect escape route or diversion. In some ways I can how certain aspergers traits - intense focus/special interests/obsessive nature would lead to people having a higher chance of being very good at a particular thing. If this is all that really interests you and the time literally flies while you are doing it, there is a good likelihood that over time you will develop a high level of skill. Adolescence was horrid though, especially at an all girls school - would not wish that on anybody... I just did not get, and tbh still don't why you would want to be the same as everyone else, dress in a particular way and like something just because everyone else does. Also I was not the best at disguising my complete lack of interest in many girly things -clothes, make up, social gossip etc. Problem was, I was stupid enough to let many fellow pupils know that this was how I felt!

I agree. I think one of my male friends was a victim of this but I think he struggles to come to terms with it.

I always thought I had everything just fine— i came from a really good family (mom was a school teacher/counselor) so i had a lot of advantages.

But i never quite learned the social skills and functioning skills to be an adult. Now im nearing 30 and Im way behind socially and professionally and emotionally. I have obssessions, habits, meltdowns, anxiety, depression, and people think Im self centered because Im all about me. No one understands that If I dont do things my way at my pace, i could have a meltdown.

I feel like I can get along okay, but if I didnt have support, id be lost.

I would say it is not easier. Being born a woman and being born autistic has been both places of extreme positive passion and extreme pain. I was not diagnosed until the summer I turned 21 and by then, I had already been sexually assaulted three times (at the ages of 16, 17, and 18) and had been in a sexually and physically abusive two and a half year relationship with a man who saw my meltdowns as reasons for cruel treatment. I have since learned from kinder men that I did not deserve it; however, my re-education was disturbed by another man who believed that I did...

I was bullied constantly in high school and when I was sixteen, after I was successfully preyed upon by my teacher, I went from being known as the weird Unicorn Girl to the Psycho Whore and I gained stalkers, harassers, and a rapist. I had been hospitalized twice and arrested once (meltdowns have the appearance of "tweeking on drugs") all before I was diagnosed...

Even still, even after my diagnosis, though, I have learned how to manage my meltdowns a bit better, I still deal with the feeling of noises being hurtful, of certain textures making me want to claw my skin off my body-- I occassionally wake up to bleeding patches due to an itchy blankety-- and the constant distress, as well as the social confusion that autistic men go through. On top of this, I have been sexually assaulted three more times since my diagnosis. All three of them were in 2018... Two of them, my first semester at University... I still have so much trouble believing people will have bad intentions... I want to believe that they are good, that when they want to show me a Fine Arts Garden in the middle of the night, it means I will see statues. That when they agree we will only kiss, they mean only kissing. I want to believe that people will not touch me while I am sleeping... I want to believe they people will see my body that is frozen without reaction, that has become stiff and confused and robotic, that they will see a body that only wants to be a ball, a body weeping and heaving, a body that is silent and not see a body they can take... I want to believe this... I want to believe that I am not prey... I want to believe that me being who I am, believing the world is magical, is not part of the formula for the "perfect victim"... I want to, but it is so so hard...

So no... It is not easier... As autistic children, we all experience the same risks, boys and girls... As we grow older, autistic boys risks change-- in fact, they become more likely to become perpetrators than victims due to sexual fixations mixed with an inability to understand boundaries (however, most autistic men, I like to think, are not sexual predators and better than their neurotypical counterparts)--- yet, ours, ours stays the same... I am just as confused by the world as you are... Yes, I can speak. I am verbal. I am a lover of language... but I have trouble talking to people, understanding when they plan to hurt me...

I agree with the woman who spoke above and all the women that continue to speak... I am among them and I will tell you it is not easier... Also, we are more likely to experience comorbid mental illness alongside our autism... There is a price in appearing "normal" when you are so far from it, so far from the world...

I read a study, in which some scientists theorized that Autistic females have Below-Average-IQs.

Do you think there's any truth to this?

I've never had an IQ test but I excelled in my university degrees graduating with distinction, and I had a gainful career in academia. I really doubt that I have a lower than average IQ, but I do have pockets of low achievement in executive function, visual learning, non-verbal and verbal processing. Again, this is just me. I don't know what the research says about women in general.

I've read a study where some scientists theorized that high IQ autistic females very early learn masking strategies, "fly below the radar" and don't get diagnosed until they burn out or get some other mental disorders.
I would fit that picture.

Me too. I was only assessed ASD last year and I'm older than you, magz. For all those years I was faking my way through life trying to mimic NT women. The stress nearly killed me, quite literally.

There are all kinds of autistic women.

"classically" autistic women. Including nonverbal.

"Aspergian" autistic women with seemingly high IQ's. Who present "classically Aspergian." I had a crush on one such person once.

"Female presentation" autistic women with a wide range of IQ and functioning.

I was diagnosed with Autism equivalent to Level 2 (substantial support), and told that I was not 'HFA' or 'Aspergers'. Does that imply that I have a lower IQ than if I were HFA / Aspergers? I know that there are exceptions like you've said, I just wonder if people might make assumptions about my IQ, based on my assessment level?

I certainly hope not---because they would be wrong.

But I don't believe they would assume you have a low IQ, based upon cursory observation.

In the "new" autism, one can be Level 2 and have a high IQ. Both are not mutually exclusive.

Many psychologists, actually, recognized a non-Aspergian HFA. And they recognized that some people under that "category" are very intelligent people. Even people who are not actually HFA.

Oh, bless. Thanks for your clarification. I think I'm definitely in the 'new' autism category since I was assessed just last April, using the new criteria.

I agree with everything above.

I searched for the study I had read about a year back, but it seems to be gone.

I did however find this interesting article which also addresses theories on Autism and IQ with males and females.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.spectr ... s-find/amp

I think that we have unique challenges because of societal gender norms, the level of difficulty and exclusion with NT females, the tendency of abusers to be drawn to us and exploit us, and the tendency for us to be overlooked, misdiagnosed, diagnosed later in life, and not have access to the supports we need.

For me the being overlooked and undiagnosed until my late 40s was an incredible detriment. I spent almost 5 decades struggling on my own feeling like a total failure because I didn't process things the same way and had some real relationship difficulties. As hard as all the rest of it is, I truly think that our biggest challenge is being identified. Not that it is a panacea afterwards, but at least we know, we can finally understand why we have sensory, processing, social issues, and we finally stop being quite so isolated and alone.