Which social rules do you find don't make sense?

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Just out of interest?

People having to make their beds--even if they live alone, and are not having guests for the evening.

People having bed skirts, etc. All I need is a mattress and sheets and comforters.

People having to avoid talking about substantial things in public.

Strange hierarchies among people - they expect me to pay them more respect because of such things as age, job status or even gender - yes, some guys seem to expect to be more respected just because they are male What the heck?

The fact that the most needed and productive jobs tend to be of the lowest status and lowest salary (garbage recycling, raising children...)

Fashion. Why do people put so much money and effort into looking just like the others?

And all this "We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like" stuff. That's illogical yet people do it.

1. When an ex-friend, ex-partner, family member rejects you and refuses to accept and gifts, cards, etc from you.
2. When someone you like gives you the cold shoulder because they aren't interested in you romantically because they are afraid of leading you on or around.
3. When someone says something that feels good at the time and doesn't mean it
4. People who agree invite you over their things and act like they adore you when they really don't and complain about how they don't want you at their parties over the silliest things.
5. People who can't be friends with others based on age difference.

elbows off the table when eating.

saying "i'm sorry" when someone tells you something bad. saying "cool" when someone tells you something good.

something that sounds bad could have a silver lining. something that sounds good might have unexpected disadvantages.

it does not make sense to apologize for something that ain't your fault. not only that, but saying "i'm sorry" every time someone says something bad, dilutes the value of an apology.

cisgender males get called "guys" starting in middle school. cisgender females get called "girls" until they are senile. it's boy/girl, male/female, woman/man, ladies/gentlemen. "guys"? what's the equivalent, gal? "guy" has no linguistic equivalent, thus far. the entire English language is sexist. although not as sexist as other languages.

in the united states, asking questions indicates showing interest. "question" instead of "interrogative statement". interrogative. as in "interrogation" .

an "interrogation" is not a good thing. the word "question" sounds so innocent. but not all questions are innocent or good. showing interest is not necessarily a good thing either.

speaking vaguely versus speaking specifically. precious lil "people" call themselves and others "a good person", or say "you deserve respect." that is way too ambiguous. what one person labels as respectful, is not what anyone else labels as respectful. and they do not go by the dictionary definition. it gets on my nerves how some precious lil "people" say someone is "a good person". for example, a classmate told me that a Teaching Assistant in Solid Mechanics was "a good person". but the classmate only saw (visually) the TA during class. no interaction. it is much better to say that a particular action is "good" or bad. but every person has done a lot of actions. and then it sounds like everyone is either completely good or completely bad. dichotomous thinking.




besides, positive judgments (compliments) are just as judgmental as negative judgments (insults).

the previous licensed clinical social worker royally got on my nerves. she had the nerve to tell me "i know you're smart", in that syrupy condescending voice. but everyone is "smart". so what is so great about being "smart"?

granted, she did not do anything illegal. (fine). but she was getting paid to interact with me, and i was not getting paid to interact with her.

for someone to tell me that i am "smart" is almost as insulting as if someone told me i am "stupid". but, of course, tolerance, compromise. so i just try to ignore it. especially if it's from a stranger. you do not know who has a mental illness, criminal background, or concealed lethal weapon. (fine).

but, she did not act like she had to tolerate me and compromise with me.

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some things about table manners are a bit random. like which fork to use.

it does not make sense how precious lil "people" waste so much energy, time, and $$$, trying to make their physical appearance look good. or at least. better.

that is materialistic and superficial.

the planet contains plenty of good causes. plenty of good methods and reasons to waste energy, time, and money. but worrying about someone's physical appearance. not. one. of them.

and then, just b/c i do not waste so much energy on appearances, as some big egoed self-important, precious lil "people", they have the nerve to tell me that "you don't care about yourself".

precious lil "people" remark on every slightest thing. for instance:
"you bit the sticker off the apple!", "you wiped your mouth with your sleeve!".

the aikido instructor's sidekick had the nerve to say that "(my name) is the most flexible person i know." four consecutive times. (what?). he said it like he thought it was a compliment and that i should've said "thank you".

but he made it sound like he knew a lot of precious lil "people". he measured their flexibility. and proclaimed me the winner.

then a different aikido instructor's sidekick had the nerve to ask, in the middle of a lesson, how old i was. answered. he then had the nerve to tell me that it was good, b/c when i get old, i will look younger than chronological age. he, too, acted like i ought to say thank you.

okay, (what?).

the age i looked to him, is not necessarily the age i look to everyone.

the rate that i am visually aging, is not necessarily the same as it will be throughout my life.

tomorrow a bus might run me over, and i will not live long enough to profit from looking younger than age.

looking younger than age has disadvantages.




maybe it would behoove him to go to finishing school and cotillion.

Why it "looks silly" to wear shorts when it's raining but is still hot (like 30 degrees C).

Why women get ridiculed horrifically if we have unshaved legs in the summer.

Men mostly sweat more but it's still socially acceptable for them to choose to have hairy armpits, even though sweaty armpits is disgusted by most NTs.

How something that has always looked really ridiculous suddenly becomes the fashion and it's now OK to wear it all of a sudden.

+1

This one i'm about to say has been bugging me: Everyone says college is a must in order to be successful. Does anyone else get bugged by this? It's annoying because it just doesn't make sense! you can be successful without going to college also!

Yeah. Everyone says to be successful you must spend 4 years not working and amassing debt. College grass earn about a million dollars more over their lifetimes (except for the ones who end up working in retail).

I'm not knocking college, I know it's necessary for many careers. I wouldn't want to fly in a plane that wasn't designed by someone with an engineering degree, etc.

It just bugs me how some jobs that shouldn't need a degree will expect you to have a degree even if it's in an unrelated field. They say it proves you're persistent enough to spend four years on one task. I say it's four years that kept you out of the workforce.

If they prefer to hire guys with higher degrees (in unrelated fields) then it encourages everyone else to go to college to keep up. More students and not enough professors mean the professors can ask for hire wages, driving tuition fees up.

We're encouraged to save, not spend, yet we're all encouraged to spend $50,000 on this one thing that probably isn't needed for some jobs. They say "don't get into any debt" yet we're encouraged to get a student debt and a mortgage.

If what we learn as undergrads invalidates everything we learned in high school than why not teach that stuff in high school? If what we learn as grad students invalidates everything we learned as undergrads does that mean we wasted 4 years and money to get a bachelor degree? Why not go straight to grad school? Because you haven't yet proven you're a good enough student. 4 additional years out of the workforce + $50,000 is an expensive way to prove something.

On spoke to a girl who was majoring in Russian lit. I asked if she wanted to be a good translator. She said "No, the Russian lit degree is just to help me figure out which career I want". Very expensive way to figure that out.

College has turned into an expensive coming of age ritual. An expensive Social club. An expensive gamble to start a career that may or may not work out for you.

All that yet I still regret not going.

Sadly it seems to be all about confidence and social skills and knowing the right people, in most cases. I know a young person who skipped classes in high school, didn't bother to turn up to any exams, was having underage sex (got pregnant but had an abortion) and never went to college, but yet she's now in a really good job running a beauty parlour in London wher lots of celebrities go, and she's doing really well. And she's only 21.
But I know someone else who did well in school and went to university and got the right grades she wanted, but she kept getting turned down for the relavent jobs she went for, and now she's just working in a kitchen washing up and stuff. She's 31.

It's just not fair.

When people say things that they don't really mean and think that it's mean to be more blunt and straightforward, even if being more direct can help to solve a problem.

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Yeah. Everyone says to be successful you must spend 4 years not working and amassing debt. College grass earn about a million dollars more over their lifetimes (except for the ones who end up working in retail).

I'm not knocking college, I know it's necessary for many careers. I wouldn't want to fly in a plane that wasn't designed by someone with an engineering degree, etc.

It just bugs me how some jobs that shouldn't need a degree will expect you to have a degree even if it's in an unrelated field. They say it proves you're persistent enough to spend four years on one task. I say it's four years that kept you out of the workforce.

If they prefer to hire guys with higher degrees (in unrelated fields) then it encourages everyone else to go to college to keep up. More students and not enough professors mean the professors can ask for hire wages, driving tuition fees up.

We're encouraged to save, not spend, yet we're all encouraged to spend $50,000 on this one thing that probably isn't needed for some jobs. They say "don't get into any debt" yet we're encouraged to get a student debt and a mortgage.

If what we learn as undergrads invalidates everything we learned in high school than why not teach that stuff in high school? If what we learn as grad students invalidates everything we learned as undergrads does that mean we wasted 4 years and money to get a bachelor degree? Why not go straight to grad school? Because you haven't yet proven you're a good enough student. 4 additional years out of the workforce + $50,000 is an expensive way to prove something.

On spoke to a girl who was majoring in Russian lit. I asked if she wanted to be a good translator. She said "No, the Russian lit degree is just to help me figure out which career I want". Very expensive way to figure that out.

College has turned into an expensive coming of age ritual. An expensive Social club. An expensive gamble to start a career that may or may not work out for you.

All that yet I still regret not going.

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yes, society sure puts way too much emphasis on college. and the whole "college is for everyone" deal. having said that, not "everyone" does so. bill gates, and steve jobs did get Bachelors degrees, and they still were much more financially productive than many college graduates.

especially after the 2008 recession (and I graduated 2007), there were a lot more college grads (bachelors) that were unemployed or working at jobs that did not require a degree.

in 3rd year undergrad, I told a psychologist @ school that I wanted to dropout. she had the nerve to tell me what you said - that the average person w/a Bachelors degree allegedly earns one million dollars more, per lifetime, than the average person with a high school diploma.

after the recession (she told me that in 2003), that number could have dropped drastically.

likewise, the clinical psychologist was working for the school. so she had to practice brand loyalty. quite frankly, it sounded (to me) like she had that line practiced and rehearsed, numerous times.

but, ironically, she's the one that needed more education. average: mean, median, mode. statistically, it does not make sense to "average" together everyone with a bachelors degree.

Harvard vs state, STEM majors versus everyone else

not to mention, racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, sizeism, lookism

but whatever. maybe her job description specified that she had to tell me that (the statement marked in italics).

b/c of course I have never seen her job description. but does that follow that I have to give her the benefit of a doubt? a blank check? a trump card to do or say anything, just b/c her job description might have told her to do or say it? negative.

STEM jobs are just so much more functional and useful than social sciences and humanities. and I say that, even though I majored in Cognitive Science.



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That it's more acceptable to socialize in group situations, and to be a part of a social group you must conform to the overall theme of the group.

That you're supposed to make new friends and meet new people in groups.

This sh*t was what stopped me from being able to make friends for so long.

Every person is different, but when people come together into a group, the group becomes a bunch of clones.

There are 'in' jokes, 'in' things to wear, 'in' places to be.

There's acceptable things to talk about among the group, and unacceptable things.

I'm better at socializing one on one for this reason.

For example, I meet Tom.

Tom and I both share a lot of interests, we both like video games, working out at the gym, watching and talking about sports, the same type of music, etc.

But then Tom introduces me to his good friends Dick and Harry.

Dick likes to fix cars, watching football and going to the gym, Harry likes painting, watching football and going to the gym.

So what happens when Tom, Dick and Harry all come together?

It becomes a 'Jock' group.

When me and Tom hang out, Tom has a balanced personality and we not only talk about sports but do other things together like play video games.

But every time a person becomes a part of a group, they choose to exaggerate just one portion of their personality to conform to the ideals of the group.

So I can't really become friends with Dick or Harry because they only like to go to the gym and talk about football together, and I'm sick of doing that stuff all the time.

But Tom likes his mates and doesn't want to hang out with them less often just to spend more time with me, so he hangs out with Dick and Harry as much as he normally does, and eventually my friendship with him fades away.

This can be true for ANY type of person.

I could become friends with Greg. Greg is slightly nerdy, but still a good guy who I have a lot in common with, but when he introduces me to his nerd group, I have nothing in common with the rest of the group and the group will only talk about the nerdy things that me and Greg DON'T have in common.

Even if one or two of Greg's friends I have a lot in common with, I'd never discover that because they never talk about it with the group for fear of being judged negatively.

People are unique, people are diverse, people are individual.

Groups are not.

It really seems throughout your whole life, especially while young, there's about 20 different types of people - the nerds, the jocks, the hippies, the stoners, the workaholics, the drug addicts, the alcoholics, the rich people, etc. etc.

and it's either you fit-in, or you don't.

You don't?

Tough f*cking luck.

You're wise beyond your years Outrider. What you'll find as you grow older is that those cliques never change-- when you're 40 there will still be 40 year old jocks, druggies, etc. The only difference is that the overall status of those cliques change: jocks rule the roost at 18, but the 40 year old version is 20 years out of date and treated as such, the druggie is no longer 'cool and rebellious' but a loser, and the nerd is no longer bottom totem pole rather he's usually among the highest paid in his company. The cliques still exist but their social status gets flipped in essence. Your analysis of how conformity works is spot on though.

1.You have to have long hair to prove that you are a straight female.
2. It's not okay to gossip about someone behind their backs but it's okay for them to talk about everyone else
3. You have to wear a bra by a certain age - I find them uncomfortable
4. You have to lose your interest in the things in order to enter middle school and be a teen. Examples, animation, science
5. You can't speak what's on your mind
6. Other people can't be upfront with you about not being interested in you- they lead you around
7. You can't show your emotions in public- eg: crying is considered a weakness
8. Being hyper is a stigma