Which social rules do you find don't make sense?

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Wow, things seem so hierarchical in Asia. Do subordinates really get treated that badly?

Horse play and patting each other on the back, touching each other in a non sexual way.
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some articles claim that, as a function of autism, autistics do not like to be touched, as much as neurotypicals like to be touched.

but big deal. not all neurotypicals like to be touched either.

some articles claim that babies whose mothers provided for their physical needs, but did not touch them affectionately, allegedly adjusted worse socially, than babies whose mothers touched them affectionately.

a long time ago, the model of autism was the "refrigerator mother".

some people find horse play fun. they like wrestling, football. maybe they have more touch receptors. of course i do not know. but it doesn't matter why.

some people like horseplay. some people do not. so what?

the problem is when someone that does like physical contact assumes that everyone likes physical contact, just b/c he/she likes physical contact. (the Golden Rule). and then they act like they are innocent. (rolls eyes).

and then i get paranoid that they failed to wash their hands with soap.

but whatever.

even handshakes are a bit gross. especially handshakes.

The thing that really gets me is how people will say or do things just to make themselves look or feel good.

My ex-friend/roommate told someone she would take care of their cat because she wanted to feel "Noble". She probably assumed that I would deny her the cat because of my crazy bad allergies. Then when I didn't deny her she had the gall to act upset over having to take care of another creature rather than go out partying every night.

Another time a high school friends mother tells me she will give me a lift home during a public transportation strike. Then after the strike she offers me another ride home, LITTLE DID I KNOW I was apparently suppose to refuse this and all following offers. Why make a second offer if you didn't want to! Because you were trying to be a good christian! The constant stink eye wasn't particularly Christian!

Not to mention the ubiquitous "how are you doing today" canned response "Fine thank you". I will always give a short but true answer. I don't care who is doing the asking! Don't forget the expected "How was your day" follow up, because some people are only asking because they want to tell you how awesome their day was without being rude!

Then other people get upset when I DON'T accept whatever kindness they think they are giving. What is so upsetting about wanting to split the tab. I don't think people are dangerous just because i don't want a free ride home. I don't distrust a person if I don't want to buy alternating weeks on pizza!


Now I just flip a coin to see if I will take people up on their kindness or lame conversation intros, 50% get upset 50% are happy, a 50/50 ratio is all the world is getting out of me!

Very hierarchical. Leniency varies where you are.
If the place is lenient, everyone may go buddy-buddy or openly on each other's throats. If not, pretty much rank and position dictates how one's relationship would go, and if so, everything seems more subtile.

The hierarchy could could go as simple as 'The Head always pick first' to 'The Head holds your tongue' with all the expectations of signs of respect.
Sometimes, in certain situations, it's the reversed -- just to show off how 'representable' you are.
The rule itself IS the harsh one. People who go by that rule would only dictate how lenient.

Leniency had something to do with duty and social relationship, which is from where I live, is rather blurry in comparison. To the point that job and personal being is almost the same instead of separate.

Most parts of my country are very lenient compared to most parts of the orient. Yet the hierarchy still stands. Main difference is usually the being hyper sociality and being more emotional: that The Philippines sort of inherited from the Spanish, that most east/south east asian coutries usually don't have.

Shaking hands! We've got antibiotics everywhere, in tubes, or little tubs hanging on the wall, or lip gloss - but if somebody sticks their hand out, it is absolutely obligatory to shake their hand! Even in flu season, when you can't even listen to the news without hearing about not touching a doorknob, it is obligatory to grab the germy hand of the stranger (heaven only knows where he's been) and merge germs. It's insane. And it will never change.

When I was a kid, I read about a Chinese method of greeting: shake your own hands in front of you and bow your head in greeting. I wish we could do that. I bet our need for antibiotics would go way down.

So when we meet, I'll bow down to you

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 25 Jun 2017, 7:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

The Pinoys I've met always seemed so friendly that I never would have guessed the Philippines was a strict place.

That type of thing is a bit tabboo here. I'm fortunate to live in an egalitarian country. The word "Sir" is seldom heard except when viewing American TV shows and the word "Mister" is rarely used out of schools.

I call men "sir" all the time. Women younger than about 35 dislike being called "ma'am."

To a typical pinoy, calling certain honorifics is just easy by comparison because it feels casual than formal. It's an 'everyone is a family' thing...
Yet make a mistake, they either try to make a laugh of the shock, or do get shock and ignore the faux pas as one hides their annoyance. That's how "forgiving" most places are around here.

Except when it's not -- and are VERY vocal about complaining rudeness -- usually when the theme and priority is all about business and/or tradition.


If you're a foreigner, and committed a faux pas, it's very likely that they'd understand -- it's likely they expect foreigners to be rude and vocal and are ready for it.
While most Filipinos would likely compromise themselves comply to your's -- sometimes even if you're in their territory. Who can say if it's a colonial mentality thing that goes centuries back? Or the famous friendly hospitality? I do not know.
Yet I cannot say the same when it comes to most Filipinos from the most modern regions. For all I know, they like to mimic Americans.

Maybe you could answer their question vaguely and then turn it back on them. "And yourself? Where do your parents live?"

As for people talking slowly, mimic them. Answer ever so s-l-o-w-l-y. It's great fun to be a nuisance to a rude person. Say "penis" a lot. How about, "Sorry, I've reached my quotient" and just walk away. Don't tell them quotient of what.

My big brother taught me this sort of thing. Once a security guard who held the door for me to go out but wouldn't let me back in unless I could give him a good reason - I was still talking fast and hard a half-hour later, giving the tiniest details about having dinner with Sis who ran out of tomato paste.

I call men "sir" all the time. Women younger than about 35 dislike being called "ma'am."
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precisely. junior high school males dislike being called "boys", so they call themselves "guys". that way they do not have to identify or admit to being "boys", but they do not have to promote themselves to "men". ambiguous. vague.

while middle aged females get called "girls" a lot. not only that, but middle aged females often call themselves "girls".

there is no linguistic equivalent for "guys". "gal"? not cutting it.

I seem to have some sort of compulsive need to question social rules and taboos and I've simply learned to keep my mouth shut, because people become shocked and offended and utterly apoplectic if you challenge their notions of how reality should be, even in the most objective, philosophical "what-if" scenarios.

I believe modern humans are literally programmed by what they're told to think by the Mainstream Media, to the point most are literally incapable of questioning that programming or thinking for themselves.

I need to question the programming and think for myself.

No offensive jokes.

No offensive jokes.
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if someone does not like something i did or said, they have the nerve to tell me it was "disrespectful", "rude", "offensive", et cetera.

and they use those trump cards so often, it's like they act like they have a moral right to veto anything i do or say just b/c they do not like it.

"offensive" to whom?

but i do not act like i have the nerve to veto them vice versa.

likewise, if i were to have had the nerve to try to veto something they did or said, could not imagine that would go over favorably.

^ Some people think they're the moral authority. If you're not a cop or a judge, you have no authority.

A lot of the time "morality" is just projecting your own tastes onto someone else. E.g. a priest who dislikes alcohol will tell his congregation that alcohol is forbidden while a priest who likes alcohol will his congregation alcohol is ok.