Which social rules do you find don't make sense?

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1.You have to have long hair to prove that you are a straight female.
2. It's not okay to gossip about someone behind their backs but it's okay for them to talk about everyone else
3. You have to wear a bra by a certain age - I find them uncomfortable
4. You have to lose your interest in the things in order to enter middle school and be a teen. Examples, animation, science
5. You can't speak what's on your mind
6. Other people can't be upfront with you about not being interested in you- they lead you around
7. You can't show your emotions in public- eg: crying is considered a weakness
8. Being hyper is a stigma

saying how are you, have a good day, what's up as greetings. why not just smile and nod, or say hello at the very most? you don't care how i am, you know what's up as i am in the same place as you, likely doing the same thing. why are you telling me how to have my day. i actually very recently figured out that "what's up" is also like "how are you". but instead of saying "fine" or some variation back, you're supposed to say "what's up" or "hello" back. "what's up, how's it going!!" even. for the longest time i would reply, "working", "just got here", "getting some water" ???
now i'll just smile and nod, or say hello. or depending on the person initiating, revert to my old ways as a joke with myself.

when i don't join the physical group, like in a seating situation, and sit slightly outside the group. apparently that is perceived as not wanting to engage with the people in the physical group, even when remembering to have open body language towards the group.

saying how are you, have a good day, what's up as greetings. why not just smile and nod, or say hello at the very most? you don't care how i am, you know what's up as i am in the same place as you, likely doing the same thing. why are you telling me how to have my day. i actually very recently figured out that "what's up" is also like "how are you". but instead of saying "fine" or some variation back, you're supposed to say "what's up" or "hello" back. "what's up, how's it going!!" even. for the longest time i would reply, "working", "just got here", "getting some water" ???
now i'll just smile and nod, or say hello. or depending on the person initiating, revert to my old ways as a joke with myself.
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yeah it don't make no sense. if you say "how are you?", then the standard is "fine" or "good". and if you answer anything else, then it's like you are complaining. and i have a diagnosis for clinical depression. got it age 21. now i am 34. so i am clinically depressed constantly, regardless of current mood. it's like a shadow all the time.

if i answer "depressed" to "how are you", then the mandated reporters (counselors) have the nerve to ask are you thinking about hurting yourself or anyone else? but what they really mean to say is are you plotting to violate the Mandated Reporter Law. seriously. b/c I disclosed, in writing that i was clinically depressed. but they just don't get it. besides, the word "hurt" is so vague and subjective. anyone can label anything as hurtful. it also reminds me how precious lil "most people" act like they are so innocent. with that little "may i help you?" attitude. they don't show their "awesome friends" the "may i help you?" attitude. they act like they have never done anything wrong. and they are morally innocent. and they are so helpful.

they make me wanna puke. those self-important lil counselors.

but if i told a counselor i was "fine", that sounds misleading or inaccurate somehow.

it's like there ain't no correct or good method of answering the question "how are you?" so why would anyone ask? it's like pressuring someone to lie.

and then when someone that was not a mandated reporter asked "how are you" and i answered "Depressed", he had the nerve to ask "why?"? why are you clinically depressed?

that does not makes sense. that's like saying why are you autistic? how should i know? nature versus nurture? serotonin and dopamine? seriously some neurotypicals and extroverts seriously see themselves as the Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread. they act like they are so important, innocent, awesome, cool, smart, wise, funny.

I don't know why people making a greeting, specify: "Good morning" "Good afternoon" etc. when you could just say "Hi!" or "Hello."

I don't like "How are you?" greetings that are clearly not actually meant as a literal question about how you actually are.

People talking in code. That's what I call it -- when people seem to have this whole other language of so-called "diplomatic" ways to say things, get rid of you, probe you with a nosy question that is masked by something more benign, etc. When people find sneaky ways to extract information or achieve an aim. I find myself confused, missing their point, or sometimes vaguely realizing "something" is behind what they are saying but I can't figure it out.

Then I come away with such an uncomfortable feeling that I ruminate over the conversations for hours, days or longer -- and have to figure out what they were REALLY saying in the same way you take parts of a car apart to find out what wasn't working. Then the "penny drops" -- when it's too late to address that person's actual intent.

That you have to send a thank you card even when you thanked the person in person.

That using older technology somehow makes you a hipster.

That being interested in things like Disney, anime, and the like somehow makes you less of a man.

That being in my 20's means I should have tons of energy and desire to party every Saturday night.

That things you keep from your early childhood like a stuffed animal should be hidden from others, also that men should not have stuffed animals.

That I have to like playing and follow sports.


Another social rule I do not understand and absolutely DESPISE is greeting people by kissing them on one or both cheeks.

1. It makes me feel very uncomfortable seeing and doing.
2. I feel kissing should be reserved mostly for those you are very intimate with.
3. What is wrong with a handshake?
4. It involves invading my personal space for a greeting.
5. I do not want the lips of someone I might not know very well coming in contact with my skin.
6. It is a stupid greeting.

*rant over*

I really hate the kissing on one of both cheeks!!

Here in the UK a long time ago, at least when I was growing up, that wasn't a thing people did in general -- it was only maybe for very close loved ones/family members. Every other person got just a hello or a handshake more formally.

Things changed and Brits now are all KISS (switch) KISS on both cheeks to ANYONE they vaguely know or are introduced to. Eeeeechhhhh.

For me, it's the expectation of being "funny" and being expected to laugh at jokes about my weight. I don't want to be a funny girl just because I'm fat.

Also, being expected to be a "normal" girl, f**k off with that s**t, I love being spooky and raunchy.

Being expected to be a "strong independent woman" when I get rejected both socially and romantically or when I get dumped by a partner. One day, my then boyfriend who lived in a shared living environment/group home dumped me as we were about to go out boating. His caregiver asked me to not be sad on the boating trip even though I had JUST gotten my heart broken.

And being expected to wear my makeup only a certain way.

Yes, I don't like the expectation to laugh at unfunny little cracks someone makes at or about me in a conversation. I find those little "jokes" pointless and a digression from the topic at hand.

The other day I was talking on the phone to a friend, and I was describing how a utility/water company worker had to take photos of my home just for proof of assessed water usage. The visit was routine but traumatic for me, being how I am about disruptions, so I was saying to my friend how intrusive it felt for someone to be taking pictures even though I know why they were taken.

My friend interjects "jokily" -- "Because you didn't want them to take pics of your whips and chains, hahahah?"

By the way, I don't have any "whips and chains," not that there's anything wrong with those who do!

I know it was meant to be a silly joke, but it's exactly the kind of pointless interjection that most people seem to find spice up a conversation, but which I find COMPLETELY irritating!

It derails the actual topic of the conversation, it trivializes the person who is speaking of a concern of theirs, and it's also not even that amusing. But I'm supposed to go "Ahahah! Yeah my whips and chains!" ?

I don't have that type of sense of humor, and when someone tries to lighten the mood by saying something like that, I'm always thrown by it, confused, lose my train of thought and don't know what I'm supposed to respond with. I DO have a sense of humor but not the kind that thinks stupid, derailing jokes, in the middle of my account of something that was quite upsetting to me, are hilarious.

I don't know why people making a greeting, specify: "Good morning" "Good afternoon" etc. when you could just say "Hi!" or "Hello."

I don't like "How are you?" greetings that are clearly not actually meant as a literal question about how you actually are.

People talking in code. That's what I call it -- when people seem to have this whole other language of so-called "diplomatic" ways to say things, get rid of you, probe you with a nosy question that is masked by something more benign, etc. When people find sneaky ways to extract information or achieve an aim. I find myself confused, missing their point, or sometimes vaguely realizing "something" is behind what they are saying but I can't figure it out.

Then I come away with such an uncomfortable feeling that I ruminate over the conversations for hours, days or longer -- and have to figure out what they were REALLY saying in the same way you take parts of a car apart to find out what wasn't working. Then the "penny drops" -- when it's too late to address that person's actual intent.
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"good morning" and "good afternoon" take up more syllables than "hi". so "hi" might sound curt, to some neurotypicals. likewise, it shows that you are oriented in time, in that you @ least know approximately what time of day it is. not that it matters.

yeah i do that too. brain slow, weak, tired now. and it wasn't too great before. and it's rapidly getting worse. and i am only 34. at this point, it takes so much energy to follow the simplest, easiest social interactions. conversations. that i could only feel paranoid about how much harder it will get to follow harder ones.

yeah. in 2003, a homophobic landlord had the nerve to ask me "why did you cut your hair?", in front of my precious lil "parents". as if she wanted me to tell her i was gay. but i ain't gay. i am trans. but of course, if i were to have told her i was trans, she wouldn't've been receptive anyways. and she wouldn't've believed it if i told her i was trans.

seriously. if she wasn't receptive to the answer, why ask?

and what if i was gay, then what? what difference did it make to her?

but whatever. not all extroverts and not all neurotypicals are homophobic. and they are not all as arrogant as her. all the time.

but, some of them are arrogant some of the time.

they make me wanna puke.

she asked "why did you cut your hair?" even though she did not know me when i had long hair. it's just hair. seriously. that's superficial. and homophobic.

and she asked like i had to explain it to her satisfaction.

then she acted liked i could not do anything she did not like. and if i did she asked "why?". it's like why are you asking why? what difference does my haircut matter to you?

and then she called me "he" and then "she" and burst out laughing.

i was so embarrassed.

at that time, i had not yet told my precious lil "parents" i was trans.

they had a hard time with it. but one year later they passive aggressively begrudgingly came around to it.



so now i get paranoid. san diego was so homophobic. now i feel like anyone might reject anything about me. and it doesn't matter if it doesn't affect them.

it made me feel like i can't trust nobody.

and that they are just so judgmental.

but whatever. that was 14 years ago and 500 miles away.

"life" goes on.

it would behoove me to worry more about the current situation and less about things that happened 14 years ago.

besides a lot of LGBT advances have occurred since then.

but whatever.

maybe i ought to be glad she did not hire someone to rape me.

san diego was so homophobic. but not everyone was homophobic. maybe if i were to have knocked on the next door neighbor's door, the neighbor would've been so homophobic that he exterminated me. maybe the neighbor next to that, was a Gender Therapist.

being autistic makes it much harder to consider someone else's perspective. viewpoint. an autistic viewpoint is often much different from a neurotypical one. and when i try to consider their perspective. guess. then i often get it wrong. so why bother trying, when i am wrong so often?

and i had to get diagnosed Gender Identity Disorder and autism. at age 21. right now i am 34. and according to UCSD standards, autism diagnosis could not come from a psychologist at school or Kaiser. it had to be somewhere else, and the psychologist had to specialize in learning disorders. the Gender Identity Disorder one likewise. according to harry benjamin standards the diagnosis could not come from kaiser. it was a private clinic. and i had to wait on a waiting list for six months. counseling lasted nine months. and after that no more. it was 10 miles away from my jail cell. three bus rides away. san diego's public transportation was much less convenient than the current city's public transportation.

just thinking about it makes me wanna puke,.

if so many ret*ds did not try and succeed at making the LGBT people (and yes we are people just like cisgender people), ashamed, maybe a Gay Pride Parade would not be so necessary.

1. It's okay to preach about inclusion, acceptance, and advocacy and even work hold a career in that area. Yet, one can't seem to practice what they preach towards the very people they advocate for. Rather, they seem to exploit.
2. People who are parents of individuals with autism accept their own child but exploit and exclude you.
3. People who decide that they don't like you after one meeting and do silly things like block you on facebook and act hostile towards you during that one visit.
4. You can't cry in public or show any emotions
6. People with disabilities can't go out on their own but have to be on an "Outing" with a special program.
7. People with autism can't be in the military due to meltdowns but yet they deal with PTSD all the time.

7. People with autism can't be in the military due to meltdowns but yet they deal with PTSD all the time.
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in united states, applicants with autism diagnoses are disqualified from the military.

in israel, applicants with autism can join the military

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/arch ... sm/422850/
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http://marines.army.com/info/join/medical

"These next conditions MAY be premanently disqualifying:"

"Victims of physical or sexual abuse."

it's not the victims' fault for getting physically and sexually abused. besides, since many military recruits are 18 or barely older, a lot of victims of physical and sexual abuse were minors at the time. which makes it a more severe crime, legally.

but there are a lot of disqualifiers.

the military is allowed to discriminate based on age, sex, height, weight. and until recently it was Don't Ask Don't Tell.

Here are a few others that make no sense to me:
1. When getting together with a group of friends, and they arrive at an event an hour or more early, they can go out to out to eat or do other things without inviting you.
2. People who invite and expect you to attend their things and get them gifts but when you invite them back, they have no time for your things.
4. Dishonesty about why they aren't interested in you. Examples- "I would love to hang out but I often have health problems" or they make excuses like "I am sorry but I work most of the time and I have two kids to take care of. I will call you in a few days" Yet you see them all over social media making time for everyone else.

"There is no stupid question."

There are stupid questions, and if those stupid questions are asked enough they can be annoying. Ask a stupid question with the wrong person and you may have a fight.