Introducing Advocate to IEP team

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Hi all,

After a rollercoaster of a year, where the teacher's school reports (a teacher that is not keen on inclusion) are not aligned to what his (somewhat young and inexperiened) one on one is saying and IEP meetings where we dont feel heard, and a pair of emotional parents (ok mummy) who knows they dont communicate well under stress (we're still v respectful tho dont worry!), we've decided to hire an advocate who can be the calm in the storm and be the voice for our son. Filter our requests to make sure they're reasonable, and tactfully evaluate and question what they have put in place for him.

Question is, how would you phrase introducing this person so that a hostile environment isn't created? We are very appreciative of all involved but we know some decisions are budgetary, organisational, and possibly asking too much (ours) and we want someone to filter everyone out to make reasonable suggestions for a successful integration. His team is likely to keep changing every year and even though they do handovers, it would be good to have an independent neutral view that is constant too. We don't want anyone to feel under attack or that they see us as uncollaborative. Help!!

Everyone I know, who has brought in an advocate, said the whole meeting turned very professional, very *nice-but not a nice kind of nice*, very cross the t's and dot the i's. It wasn't hostile. All the warm fuzzy vanished from the room.

Face it, you are playing hard ball, and they'll just up their game not to give in. They will also figure you will be lawyering up, so don't expect a whole lot of play on their end.

At least everything will be *by the book*, which also means they will be hold your feet to the fire for deadlines on your end of the deal and documenting everything.

In short, they'll be pissed, and you'll be one of "those moms", but who cares if you get what you need for your child. They haven't done what was promised, so you are upping the ante.

My one friend said the advocate was a mixed blessing. She got everything legally allowed, but the closeness was gone? The teacher was polite, and did everything asked, but she didn't act the same way around her like the other mom's. When she talked to anyone on the IEP team, the professional wall went up. That may not matter to you, but it really bothered my friend.

Also, unless the district is really trash, they have lawyers who know IDEA and all that other stuff. So the advocate can ask for anything, the district works double hard to shoot it down. I know people who have paid for an advocate, and didn't get anymore than the first go around.

I know, but ours has never been warm and fuzzy ha, polite tho!

We live in a place where noone has advocates - and the few that could definitely do it that I've approached wont touch it as its a small city and they all know or have worked with who we need to deal with. However they are less than complimentary in private so they're happy to help advise us behind the scenes and equip us to be better advocates ourselves. Thats probably a good compromise, if my nerves and depression can take it!!

The term "warm and fuzzy" means people don't act like they were running a parole board hearing or a SSDI court appeal. Let's just shuffle through the paper work fast as humanly possible.

Will the advocate need to communicate with the team before the next IEP meeting? If not, he or she just gets introduced when you're going around the room. "Susie Que, speech therapist." "I'm Ribble, Charlie's mom." "Fred Jones, educational consultant." No big explanation needed.

If you want to give a heads up by email, say something like,

"My husband and I have decided to bring an education advocate, Fred Jones, to our upcoming IEP meeting to help ensure that Charlie's goals and services address all his needs. Going forward, we plan to record all meetings so that we can focus on the discussion instead of on taking notes."