Please explain this behavior

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Hi Everyone,

My non verbal autistic son has been constantly squeezing my arms (I am very heavy). Why would he do this and is there anything else that could provide the same input ? Asking because his squeezing really hurts me but I know he's seeking some sensation not trying to hurt me.

He also tends to put clothes on his head or trails them around like a long veil. What could this be doing for him ? Does this fulfill some need, and, if so what else can I do for him or offer him ?

My son has no speech and no communication skills, so would appreciate your help / advise / feedback in this regard.

Thanks !

What do you think these things do for him?

You're asking an impossible question(s) to answer for anyone not there to observe the details. I believe there is probably triggers that coincide with these behaviors and they are a form of dealing with them. For instance are you otherwise distracted when he decides to squeeze your arm such as on your phone? Was there just something that happened right before he does it? Does he have cause to be scared or anxious? Is this him hugging you since it's something that he can get his arms around? (kids arms are small). Does he go after your arms when you are sitting, does he choose your leg when you are standing?

Does he wear the clothing in such a fashion when he is playing? Is he content when he is doing it? Besides having to clean up the trail of clothes that are left over what harm is it doing? Does this happen on laundry day? Are they clean or dirty? Did you change fabric softener? Is this a new or old behavior?

Again being able to accurately give you an explanation would require observation and getting to know your child. I nor anyone else would be able to give you an accurate or even noteworthy explanation without observation. Any advice you receive would be speculation and may increase and or cause new and even more troublesome behaviors if you choose to follow through with them. Your best bet is to contact the people that he receives care from and ask them for advice and or assistance.

Guesses:

Squeezing your arm feels nice, like one of those soft squishy balls. It is a stim. if I had to guess, I would think it has a calming effect on him, but you would have to see if he gets more excited or seems calmer when he does it and pay attention to stressors or other context. if there is no discernible context, I would guess it has a mild effect for a mild need at the time

It can be a big problem transitioning from one stim to another b/c we can't always tell what they will like. Something may provide the appropriate feedback, but the child may not take to it. I would test balls of varying squishyness, or other squishy objects to see if they work, Substituting things for people is often the trickiest because people are warm and it may be he gets something emotional from the human touch aspect.

For the second one, he may like the feeling of being slowed by the dragging or the extra weight. Since he likes it on his head, I am not going to suggest a weighted vest although, you never know. Maybe some kind of heavy, floppy hat?

Butterfly effect, also known as "Chaos Theory." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect

The mantra to remember is: STIMMING TIME IS LEARNING TIME.

The question to ask is not WHY, but WHAT. As in "What can I teach my children when they stim?" Or in your case: "What can I teach my son when he squeezes my arms?"

Children invariably become underdeveloped when their parents philosophize on the WHY of stimming behaviors. It's a bit like asking why the dewdrops on a leaf happen at certain spots and not other spots. Trust me, millions of parents/researchers have made the same mistake you have made. They've gotten nowhere. No need to repeat their mistake. Read this, by the way: http://www.eikonabridge.com/AMoRe.pdf

This popular video clip from the Jurassic Park movie helps to explain "Chao Theory."

With the squeezing I would imagine he is either trying to get your attention for some reason or he finds it comforting...if it is the latter, you could maybe try to get him a stress ball or some kind of similar object he could squeeze instead. As for the former you'd have to determine what he is trying to get your attention for...even if he can't talk he still may desire to communicate things.

As for the clothes on his head that might just be playing...I mean if he enjoys it and it doesn't cause harm its probably nothing to worry about sometimes autistic kids will find unconventional ways to play to entertain themselves.