Does this seem to be a lie?

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angela8
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08 Jun 2017, 12:05 pm

I asked someone to do something, and they gave a couple of seemingly valid reasons why they could not. In a subsequent conversation, they added two more reasons why. For people like me, who are NT, this sounds like a way to cover up guilt, by piling up the excuses. Also this person originally agreed to do said thing a week ago. I am hurt by this, but already questioned him. I worried he was mad at this, but he said he wasn't bud didn't like explaining statements over and over when he was asked if he was being honest. Any input on whether this seems an honest or dishonest exchange? :(


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underwater
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08 Jun 2017, 2:09 pm

Are you trying to say that the person who said these things to you is autistic, and you want to know whether he's being honest?

It sounds exactly like something I would say. I usually have complex reasons for the decisions I make, and sometimes I have a hard time figuring out why I did something, so I reason my way through it. I often feel like people don't believe me, but I assume that they are lying bastards themselves, so they think I am like them.


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angela8
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08 Jun 2017, 2:33 pm

Yes, he has Asperger's. I'm hurt because it is more of a personal issue that I'm uncomfortable posting.


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jrjones9933
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08 Jun 2017, 2:55 pm

All the reasons could be true, but if a person consistently says that he will do a thing, but does not do that thing, I would consider him a liar. One common symptom of autism is poor executive function: difficulty making oneself do things. Nonetheless, people should learn how, or learn to stop making promises they won't keep.


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08 Jun 2017, 4:59 pm

1. If you know a person is not good at following thru on a commitment to do something, stop asking them to do things for or with you. DUH!

2. As for an already existing situation, you can keep stressing out over it, or you can let it go, and get on with your life.

3. Is the person lying or not? Maybe, but so what, get on with your life. On the other hand, maybe something came up, and they can't go thru with what they said they would do. Are you gonna keep stressing about it, or let it go?

4. Sometimes people will tell you what you want to hear, but later on, realize that they are not comfortable going thru with it, but don't want to upset you by a flat refusal, so they come up with excuses for not going thru with things. Again, you can stress about it, or let it go.

The best solution for all of these is to let it go, and to not expect commitments from people you know are not good at it.

Hope that clears things up. :D


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angela8
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14 Jun 2017, 7:59 am

error


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Last edited by angela8 on 14 Jun 2017, 8:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

angela8
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14 Jun 2017, 8:01 am

All good advice, being that I have OCD tendencies, this is hard for me. I'm trying. Thanks for the spot on advice. :) :) :)


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