How to Respond to This?

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I have been trying really hard to drop off the face of the Earth but made a fake name Facebook account to follow my professional organization and a few other interest groups. I also really enjoy Instagram and kept it.

However, even with these measures in place, people have been finding and contacting me. The most boggling thing is being told "I miss you". I don't keep in touch with anyone outside of my graduate work and professional realm and do not want to. I do not feel emotionally connected to anyone and don't understand this. I used to fake it in the past but don't want to anymore - I really have no interest and feel completely fulfilled living as I do.

I want to keep organizing some events for autistic adults in my area and want to keep some social networks for my interests but don't want to come off as though I want personal social connections. I also want to be a nice person but don't know how to be honest to the "I miss you" thing (and how to reject friend requests on Facebook in a non-mean way).

Lastly, I would love to know if you have any ideas as to how I could explain my lack of social motivation. I have no social anxiety or aversion to social events, just no desire to create and maintain non-business relationships.

Rejection is rejection, regardless of how you try to soften the blow, they'll still feel it. I don't use social media so I'm not exactly sure what options they give you to respond to such requests, but I'd politely tell them that you use said account for business exclusively, just as you've told us. Another option is to tell them you're just too busy at the moment for socialization, add that to the business theme and you'll be so dull they won't want to contact you.

I would respond rarely and then say something like, "I miss you too, it sucks that I'm so busy!" Then if they try to schedule something be prepared to already be doing something.

I haven't been well for a little while and had to just drop out of a lot of things. It did make me feel bad, because I felt like I let people down. Especially because I didn't want to talk about health and family things. People have peaced-out on me before and I didn't assume that they were being jerks. I always just thought they were busy. If you let the relationships go these people will understand too.

[moved from school and college life to social skills and making friends]

that is a situation where i would respond with a joke ("i miss me too"), and then not say anything afterwards.

i feel like trying to respond otherwise would open a sort of pandora's box and make any future attempts at turning them down even more uncomfortable for them.

You can go into friend request settings from the button with that you accept friends from (the silhouette of two people) you can change it so only friends of friends can add you but that's the best you can do sadly. If you haven't added anyone then that would mean no one can send you one.

It's already been suggested what i would say about about the business account. I would put it on my bio, and as a public post on your wall.

With the message i would just have replied "i want to keep this account separate sorry but i hope your doing good" or ask a simple question like what have they been up to. You don't have then have a full on convo its fairly easy to kill the conversation, not to say they wouldn't message you again like. That would require more effort like then just ignoring it or replying with my first suggestion.

I'd go with the first message option if ought like it comes up again, it would get the job done and id say its better then ignoring them. You'd get less messages and request with the bio and friend request suggestion and any that do sneak through that's what i would reply.

Their use to be an option as well to restrict the people who could message you to friends only - which would have been perfect in your case but they removed it annoyingly. It seems they don't want people to have their own privacy.

I'd still go for a bio myself, something plain and simple not like some of the people who use it and put a terrible joke on or loads of wishy washy contact details etc. It's either that or do a post and set just one post to public so that's the only one they will see, either way their doing the same job.

Unless your getting loads and loads of messages sending that message saying "i want to keep this account separate sorry but i hope your doing good" or some variation that suites you yourself should be fine. I would imagine after a number of weeks the amount you receive would have significantly dropped anyway.

I know people who have done similar things and the majority of people will accept what you say and understand

Just a shame Facebook has been steadily chipping away peoples privacy, you could have done everything you needed in the past through the settings.

Maybe you will change your mind later. I've felt exhausted and withdrawn, or even suicidal, and wanted to cut off contact with everyone. However, I decided to live, and then realized how much social connections meant to me again.

I'd recommend against burning any bridges until you have time to get bored of solitude. It might happen, or it might not, but the effort to be polite now will be worth the investment if you make a different choice later.

Would it be an option to not use FB for awhile and restrict your social interaction to something else?

I'm thinking, especially if you are feeling deeply depressed, that it might be helpful to have a routine where you socialize in an expected, regular, but limited capacity.

I am not a psychologist, but I am not sure it is good for autistic people to get too deeply drawn into connections with other people OR to completely do without them.

I am always a big advocate of volunteering, or doing something else to help another person or an animal who needs and wants help. It takes you away from your own problems for awhile. Like gives you an emotional break, sort of like restarting your computer. I personally, am unable to think about myself at all when I am helping another person or animal. I recommend a stranger who cannot form a friendship with you.

If not that, I recommend going to the same place every day and doing the same thing. Again, around people or animals. Go to the store and buy a coffee, a snack, or a pack of cigarettes. Take your dog for a walk. Go to the bookstore and read a magazine. Tell yourself you have to do it, like brushing your teeth or putting on pants.

Finally I want to stress that TOO MUCH social interaction can push autistic people into depression. Not everyone knows this. It's important to recognize what is comfortable for each of us and respect our own boundaries.

I would say: "You know I like you all very much but I am at a place in my life where I would like some space at this time. When I am ready, I will contact you. I am also at a stage where I want to avoid social media and would like to delete facebook. "

You have a good career ahead of you, MathGirl. Why would you want to get away from this world?

If you don't want to talk to somebody, don't talk to them.

You probably get enough "social interaction" talking with your colleagues about ABA and your clients.

Thank you for all your responses. There are too many to quote and it is overwhelming so I will address specific things brought up.

I have been trying to fake suicide because I cannot think of another way to stop interacting with people without offending and/or hurting them. As I said, I actually do have empathy and I do not want to hurt anybody. One of the main reasons why I got myself into friendships in the first place was to try to help people.

However, I then realized I enjoyed putting all of my energies into work instead because I can use evidence-based strategies and see more clear outcomes of my efforts. I also realized people were expecting that I would personally benefit from the relationship, as well. And I did back when I was more insecure and less knowledgeable about myself. Right now, though, I am at a point where my problems can only be eased and/or alleviated through specialized coaching and other professional services.

I am quite busy and content with my life. I get a chance to make a difference in others' lives through my work. The only reason I have actually felt suicidal (I mostly just want to fake it, but there were times it was a real feeling) was when people asked me to respond to them and I felt overwhelmed by it and confused as to how to do so. There is a huge conflict between who I used to be and who I am now and I am having trouble coping with the outcomes of this change in myself.

I really just want to be left alone and need to be left alone to be able to get through everything else adequately while staying emotionally intact. Having huge executive functioning issues, having a routine and not handling multiple tasks at a time is extremely important for my functioning. Managing multiple conversations while being barraged with chores, thesis projects, interacting with my husband, figuring out how to self-improve on a minimal budget, etc., is therefore really challenging for me.

I do not want to quit Facebook because I am still part of some groups there that are either professionally informative or help me stay accountable with my self-management projects. The last thing I want is for other people's actions to impact the actions I take in my personal life.

MathGirl, despite the fact that during most of my later years, since about the eighth grade, I've been the exact opposite of you, though I've toned my outgoingness and affectionateness down in recent years as I've become more mature, I can also relate to how you feel, because up until my early teens, I was, in some ways, similar to you. I was very shy, I really had no interest in relationships, even when a girl my age might have been interested in me. It wasn't until I was pressured into being more social and more affectionate by a few of my peers that I really changed. However, those peers should have watched what they wished for because sometimes in life, they certainly got it. The same peers (as well as many others) began reacting and sometimes complaining about some of my awkward ways and things I would say socially, and a good amount of the women began to feel uncomfortable about how overly affectionate I could sometimes be, though they didn't always tell me the words. I toned my affectionateness it down as I got older, and now, I'm a lot more reserved with who I am affectionate to.

You should not be ashamed of yourself, no matter what anyone may tell you, that you feel uncomfortable even when someone says "I miss you". It sounds to me like you are just someone who is programmed to not feel comfortable with relationships, which could very well have been the case with some of the women who felt uncomfortable around me in my teenage days. However, being young and immature with Aspie's, and not very good at dealing with things in life, I was oblivious those facts. My advice to you is to not feel pressured to change who you are, and don't feel pressured to do things you aren't programmed to do. I feel that was my first mistake in the eighth grade, when I gave in to some people's pressure, before I even knew I was an Aspie. It might be best for you to not use Facebook. I got away from Facebook for about a year from 2012-13 for personal reasons, but at the same time, there are just some people who aren't really socially programmed to use Facebook. The issue people take with you is that they feel letdown when you blow them off, but it isn't something that makes them feel uncomfortable, and causes a problem, like some of the issues I've had to deal with over the years. However, it's just like rejection of any kind...we can get really upset by it, but it's something we always have reasons for doing, whether it is because of feelings that the other person has to do with or not. The best thing you can do is be comfortable with yourself, and do what makes you comfortable, and what doesn't make other people feel uncomfortable, regardless of what others think of your decisions.