I hope I die soon

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I drink a lot of wine most days, usually on the street. People are so mean. Everyone looks down on me. I have published a novel and I am an exhibited painter. An artist. But people always judge. I went to my doctor the other week and begged him for a lethal injection or whatever to kill me. He wouldn't oblige. I will kill myself sooner or later anyway. For 10 years now I've drank heavily. My health is deteriorating. I have never known love, true friendship or anything worthwhile. Dawson's Creek is the closest I got to fulfilment.

First of all, congratulations on being a published author. That has always been a lifelong dream of mine, not sure if I'll ever come even close to achieving that.

Secondly, I can see that you are an artist. As someone who has created art in the past, I can definitely relate to those periods of artistic drought. I realize that one needs a certain amount of inspiration to be able to create art. Does painting bring you joy, happiness, release? Perhaps finding new inspiration will allow you to paint again.

I find nature and music very therapeutic, and even inspirational. I hope that you are able to reignite a passion of yours, and find new meaning in everyday things. It might take time, but it will be all worthwhile.

I don't want to die really, I often can't see a way forward.
Painting used to bring me happiness. Hope I find an apartment soon.

Yeah the booze will do this to you. Tunnel vision. Stops the mind from processing anything correctly and things can seem bleak. Find a way out of the bottle and things can suddenly start to look possible again.